EPISODE 49: Anne Heche on "Confess Your Mess w/ AJ Gibson & Emile Ennis Jr."

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Show Notes

Listen to this episode of "Confess Your Mess w/ AJ Gibson & Emile Ennis Jr." featuring our very own Anne Heche! Be sure to subscribe to their show here! ---- This week, AJ and Emile get messy with the iconic, Emmy winning trailblazer Anne Heche. She and the guys get down and dirty with secrets about queerness, relationships and sex, and Anne shares two jaw-dropping confessions, along with some deep wisdom and life lessons you won't want to miss. Anne can currently be heard hosting her weekly podcast Better Together, and was most recently seen on ABC’s Dancing With the Stars, The Vanished, where she co-stars with Thomas Jane, Best of Enemies, where she starred opposite Taraji P. Henson and Sam Rockwell and in My Friend Dahmer. Heche also starred in the Lionsgate feature film Wild Card, opposite Jason Statham. She followed that with the films Catfight opposite Sandra Oh and Alicia Silverstone, The Last Word opposite Amanda Seyfried and Shirley Mclaine, and Opening Night, with Topher Grace, Taye Diggs, and Rob Riggle. Some of Heche’s most iconic feature credits include Rampart, Cedar Rapids, The Other Guys, John Q, Psycho, Volcano, Return to Paradise, Six Days Seven Nights, Wag the Dog, I Know What You Did Last Summer and Donnie Brasco. She will next be seen starring opposite The Weeknd in an upcoming HBO series.

If you want a chance to hear your secret revealed on the podcast, you can submit your secret on our website: ConfessYourMess.us

IG: @_AJGibson / @EmileEnnisJr / @ConfessYourMessPodcast Twitter: @AJGibson / @EmileEnnisJr / @ConfessPodcast Watch on YouTube From Straw Hut Media ---- This episode is sponsored by:

Munk Pack - Go to MunkPack.com and enter BETTER at checkout to save 20% OFF your first purchase

Magic Spoon - Go to www.MagicSpoon.com/Better and use code BETTER for $5 OFF

Apostrophe - Go to www.Apostrophe.com/Better and use code BETTER for $15 OFF your visit when you sign up

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Transcript


Straw media. This episode is good. Listen. It gets messy, which

is appropriates. This is confess your
mess. Our guess is amazing and the

wisdom and the knowledge, it's just
it. She speaks truth and she speaks

love and speaks honesty and it's incredible. We're so excited for you to listen

to this entire podcast. It just
flew by and it's interesting because, you

know, we've loved all of our
guests, but there's just something different about

this week. Yeah, she's an
emmy winner. She's been in the game,

in the Zeitgeist for so long.
We'll get into the PID. We

need to take a moment to just
sort of like sit in the success of

like all that we have accomplished the
last few years, because today is a

big one for us. I'm really
excited about this. We have an icon

on the show and we're going to
tell you who it isn't just a moment,

but first one to remind you that
if you want to get on the

pod, I mean I want you
tell them how se how your throat sounds.

Okay, so if you want to
get if you want to get on

the Pod, what you need to
do is go to apple podcast, rate,

comment and subscribe. Five stars please, if you would want to be

kind and do us a favorite.
And also, this is a five star

podcast, let's be honest. That's
it's a real we have fun, but

that's that's the way you can become
a messenger. If you want your secrets

on the pot, go to confess
your mess that US it. I just

forget the website. Person got it. Con Best Your mess about us and

you can submit your secrets. You
can remain anonymous. You can also leave

us a voice note and we will
scramble your voice so nobody recognizes you,

and we really love that. So
yes, and we are going to announce

our messenger of the week a little
bit later on. Yes, y'all are

extra messy and we love that about
you and our guest today. I'm not

going to say she's messy. I'm
not going to say that, but she

is a whole lot of fun.
Yeah, listen, she's an accomplished Emmy

Award winning actor with a wide ranging
body of work. She's been seen on

ABC's danced with the stars, the
Vanis, where she costars, has co

stars with Thomas Jane. Listen,
I could go on and on there's there's

a long, long, long list
of accomplishments this woman has had in her

career. She's literally done it all. My my moment, yes, that

I always go back to, and
you know I love this. I watch

it every single year. I just
watched it a few weeks ago. Is

Her role in I know you did
last summer. Oh, and I probably

going to make her Geek Oala that
movie. But please, welcome to the

pod and hey, and thank you
so much for being here. Thank you,

thanks for having me. I know
what you did last summer. Really

that? Okay, top on.
Huh. Listen. Okay, so I

have loved you for so long and
I've had you on my morning you showed

the morning beat over our channel Q
and we had a blast. This is

a different format and I'm excited to
get you in this sort of arena,

because I am. That is literally
I you stood out in that movie to

me in a way that was so
interesting, and I watched it just a

few weeks ago, like I said, and I was like, Oh,

it still holds up, like she's
still dope and this movie still incredible,

and I also I also this is
where my brain goes because, as you

know, screen five is about to
come out and and those movies kind of

lived in the same space the Kevin
Williamson like slashers of the late s and

and I looking back, technically your
character is not dead. So if they

were to reboot, I still,
still, still, still know when you

did last summer, thirty two summers
ago. You could still come back.

I'm just saying she's doing last summer. I want to make me a part

of it. So good. So
we want to know that we can trust

you with our messengers. So what
is your mess buddy? Yeah, well,

I mean, people don't like to
be hear this bit. It be

because I tell my children to another
the one of the things that I live

by in my life is that I
have to tell the truth, and earning

that right in that privilege does leave
you in a place where you can say

stuff like this. I still smoke
now I know I'm gone. I do

a lot of things in my life. I push myself a lot and I'm

a very healthy person. I could
probably run most twenty year olds around the

block. But listen, there are
certain things, in certain times and moments

in the day where I'm like,
I want that smoke now, when you

used to have old fashioned movies,
like I used to be in. You

know, when they would actually roll
film, they would be this gorgeous moment

when the film real would, you
know, of course, roll out like

real film does, and they would
have to change that. Now take out

five minutes, five minutes. Was
that extra special moment? In the day,

we would be like yes, is
this aigure appe break? And you

would go outside and you do the
other dirty thing that I'm going to admit

to you to tell dirty jokes and
compliment people on how hot they are.

Had talked about their cute hair look
or what their muscles look like, and

you would do that while you were
smoking cigarettes. So they are now taboos

in today's industry where you can't smoke
a cigarette and you can't compliment people because

you get sued for something. But
that's that's the old day is, and

I and I sell abide those things. I still smoke cigarettes, I lesten,

I still tell dirty jokes. This
sounds like a bygone era almost.

I love the honesty. I think
we can actually trust our messenger secrets.

God, I got some messengers,
so let's let's get into it. Yeah,

we we trust you a J a
few years ago, snuck a cigarette

to a party with the friend now
is King, came home and didn't want

to tell me that was like something, something look cast a little different in

your mouth, a little see it
all, secret cigarette, not know what

soly. So, to beat full
transparency, I do not smoke, but

I grew up with a mother who
smoked and I remember I had a science

fair project and like Elementary School,
I went to Immaculate Conception Elementary School and

I created the science fair project to
teach my mom the the negative impact of

smoking. And Yeah, they so
my parents, as I'm maybe twelve years

old, go out and buy me
multiple cartons of different types of cigarettes.

I make these contraptions with mason jars, tubes and cotton balls and I'm in

our basement, in our secret room, pumping all of these cigarettes so that

these cotton balls can look like showcase
what your lungs look like. The scientists

sat in that room for weeks with
just a smoke filled air. These people,

so I don't know how they ever
let me do that. They've probably

should have been arrested. I did
smoke for a couple of years in college,

where I haven't done that a long
time. I will say this.

There's something about having a shot of
whiskey and a beer and a cigarette that

I still to this day love.
I haven't done in years. I like

this. It's a trire effect.
It's got to be a bear and it's

got to be a Tequila and a
sigarette all together. Huh. Yeah,

I like the parliament lights. That's
what I always heather likes this smoke.

Yeah, I think about it.
I get her a pack of parliaments and

then she hides them around my apartment, because I don't smoke like a you

know, it's not like I don't
go through a pack of day, like

sometimes I'll have two cigarettes a day
or whatever. I don't let myself like

Judge Myself For it, Uh Huh, but I do because of that,

the habit doesn't make it so that
I have to buy a pack of cigarettes

every day. So I run out
like after four days. So heather likes

to hide them around of my apartment. Was shiply like God, you can't

have them a cigarette before better together
than you. You know, she likes

to have a cigarette, so she'll
go into my leg by empty botted plants

to like pull out of a parliament. My God for you and it's like

the best president of the day.
Fun Fact. I want somebody to Google

this and find out what this is
actually true, if this is something I

was told many, many years ago
that I tell as if it is a

fact. But parliament, you know
how they have the recessed filter and the

kind of hollow at the end.
Yeah, it's, I was told,

fun to put your tongue one.
Well, well, they saying, I'm

Hollywood. They say the use it
for cocaine, but also back in the

day of World War One or World
War Two, I believe it was they.

I hold that they built them that
way. They structure in that way

so that when you're down on the
trenches and you're like clunching down because you're

like literally shooting, yeah, you
can bite and you can still smoke the

cigarette. Let's ruin the cigarette.
Try It some time for fun, but

about some time when a gun is
of my head pilot work. Hope that

never happens. Let's get more confessions. So the theme for this episode,

because every episode we like to have
a theme for our secrets. So the

thing for this episode is Queer relationship, sex and betrayals. Cheating secrets.

That's a lot. Wow, you
have had that one topic before. Yeahs

are there an I'm talking about sexual
the mind. Yeah, I feel like

they always revolve around so we have
we have a trail secrets we've yeah,

we've kind of with but this one
is is like a lump of all these

secrets. So let's go to our
first one. This is from anonymous.

They're none binary and they live in
southern California. Okay, so is that

secret? No, no, that's
information. I literally is going through my

brain. I was like, is
this our producer frank? But it's not,

because they said they're currently married.
Okay, so this person says I'm

currently married and came out about a
year ago to my husband that I was

none binary. I felt like I
was missing something and realized I was polyamorous.

So then I went and started dating
my girlfriend and now we're all dating.

It's been great and, honestly,
I couldn't be happier. It's a

secret because we're not fully open with
our families about it. Only close friends

and relatives note, which is sad
because we're so happy and would love to

express our love freely without having to
hide it. Okay, that's wow.

I'm curious. This is a lot, yes, a lot of layers,

and it's interesting because I feel like
we're hearing these stories more and more now

and it's still even as a gay
sys man, it's hard for me to

wrap my brain around it, to
keep up with the sometimes, but I

guess if it works for them,
I guess it works for them and it's

so interesting because I sorry, what's
hard for you probablyamory, or the layers

of it and the levels of it, because it's a different experience for the

husband in the marriage, it's a
different experience for the non binary person in

the marriage and then it's a different
sport experience for the woman who's coming into

the relationship. And I know and
like just I'm going to brush over this

because obviously everybody knows you dated Ellen
degenerous back in the day. You Look,

we've talked about it at nauseum.
It is what it is, but

but back then it was such a
revolutionary, outside of the box, taboo

thing and you hear you hear relationships
like this that are so common nowadays.

Does it make you feel like you
were just ahead of your time? Does

it make you feel a little bit
jealous in any way that this is so

open now? Or are you like
honey, I've been there, done that.

I don't think I've been been there, done that with all three of

the things that we're just mentioned.
There I think I'm not buying. Are

polyamor is well, and I'm not
even sure what the first one was.

I think female, but I might
be female. But, but, here's

but, but, but here's the
thing that I think it's us a tripped

up a little bit is that we
get into one hole and when we want

to fight, to be able to
be good, come out of that hole

and be and be accepted for who
we are, and then we put ourselves

into the other things. I think
for me, the confusion lies in why

do we have to labels so many
different things? If you look at love,

is no gender, than why would
you need to label yourself in so

many different directions? That's just my
own but that's actually a naive point of

view. Where I came from,
I wasn't. I wasn't worried about whether

or not I was labeled something or
another. People have now labeled me bisexual,

which is interesting because wrap your heads
around this, I have never been

with a woman since Ellen, or
had I been with a woman before Ellen.

So when we get into definitions of
things, it's really curious because you

need a lot of agreement on what
that definite is. I don't, I'm

not offended by the definition of bisexual. However, I don't think that probably

my understanding of that is the same
as what other people define me as.

So when we get into definitions,
we have to be very careful as to

what we were, what it is
we're agreeing upon. So I can definitely

agree upon one thing. I definitely
believe that I was ahead of our time

and that moment in my life and
being able to stay ad up for that

has caused very many conversations and clarifications
for people and I hope that it helps.

Sometimes I do look at labels,
though, and I think I'm not

sure it's helping at all. Why
don't we just all stripped down and go?

We can love whoever we want to
love and be whoever we want to

be, and owning that is our
joy and I think that's where this person

is sitting in the seat of going
now I have all this time. I

was fine with being bisexual. I
was then fine with being non binary.

I was then not fine with being
polyamers, but now all of them together,

I don't know how I'm going to
be all of those things and how

I'm going to be able to come
out of the closet with all nineteen of

that. Like, why aren't we
just who we are and and and perhaps

getting ourselves into other situations where we
feel like we have to hide? Is

The journey that we want to look
at before we get into the part where

we're hiding again. I I would
I would encourage people that hide. Spoke

to me in many different ways and
while you know you said in one part

of it, you know you might, you might feel as if what you're

saying is not eve, I feel
like there is something in that that spoke

to me in terms of when you
specifically with this secret and dynamics of how

they're afraid to talk to their family
about this. Right, if we were

to take the stripped labels away and
just present to the family, I'm truly

happy now this is my partner and
my partner, yeah, and this is

me, then it takes away all
the okay, because real talk, my

dad's about to be eighty, my
mom's about to be seventy. Sorry,

Mom, Dad, if you are
said about me, really your ages,

you look fantastic realm. But to
try to explain to a man who's almost

eighty, who grew up in rural
Louisiana, my mom, who's Jamaican,

like some of these labels, like
us, or me coming out as gay,

was a lot for them. So
to try to explain some of these

new things, to try explaining polyamory
and non binary and all the different things,

it can be a lot for them. Not saying that that's necessarily okay,

but it is a lot when you
get older in age and all the

sudden there's all these new terms that
they're trying to navigate. So I don't

know, for this person, you
know what their dynamic is, their family

or the ages are different, things
like that. But if we did take

all the labels away and we just
focused on is my is this person in

my life happy, and they say
yes, I am happy, I think

that should be what what matters is
like a pretty simplified version of what love

is. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, and you might be ahead

of your time again, but this
is this is what I've always loved about

you, though, because you even
though the game has changed so rapidly and

Hollywood have changed so rapidly, especially
in the last few years, you're still

speaking your truth. You haven't been
canceled. Maybe people have tried over the

years, but you're still speaking truth
and I think I believe I was the

original cancel that is exactly this particular
conversation. But yet here you are again,

like you're still out here. So
your you haven't back down. You're

still doing you and you're still working
and you're still like living your life,

and I think that's so cool because
I remember a few weeks back when Adele's

album dropped and she was talking about
she was talking to interview the kind of

went viral and she was saying,
I didn't make this music for the tick

tockers. I don't care, like, why do I need to cater to

tick tockers? Because those tick talkers
have moms and DADS who are in their

and S, who are going through
life and who were going to therapy and

trying to figure out who they are
and trying to figure out how to be

happy. Like me, those are
the people I want to talk to.

I'm not worried about offending anybody else. I don't care, like and I

love that mentality because I think too
many people retreat nowadays and they don't want

to get canceled, they don't want
to get labeled and and so I just

love I think that answer so incredible. So I'm not going to try to

top IT. So thank you.
With a canceled car, so you have

to realize it on once you're once
you're canceled, what is it that you're

who said like, who's yeah,
so, and what does it mean you

got canceled for? And what is
it that you're about it? Because you

like literally can't get canceled for a
belief system that you have that can't get

canceled. Somebody can disagree with you, they can say to your cancel,

but who's for that? So so, I mean again with the labeling,

we would have to go, well, what do you what am I canceled

for? What exactly is that?
And then do I stand by that or

do I change who I am because
of that? So standing up for what

you believe in is a really question
of what your daily practice with yourself is

and and and whether or not you
will bide that before anything else in your

life. That's that's what the commitment
to loving yourself as well. That's good.

Well, we have more secrets,
but before we get to those,

are going to take a quick break
and they were going to continue to break

them downs. All right, welcome
back to confess your mess. It's a

good one. We're talking of course, it always comes back to sex and

sexuality and all these little fun secrets
got and Haspond the pod today. We're

super excited for you to be here
and thank you so much. We've loved

your perspective so far. You're killing
it. Yes, also, and yeah,

so dancing with the stars just ended
and when you are on dancing with

the stars, I remember we don't
watch every season, just to be fully

transparent, but we watched your season
and I remember it was the performance that

you did and I don't I can't
remember if it was after you were eliminated

or it was just at the end
of the performance, but it was the

one where it was pride everything.
Yeah, I remember we both cry because

it was just such a beautiful moment. Thank you for you and to see,

and it kind of goes back to
a AD was saying earlier, how

times is changed so much and just
to see you in that moment and see

how you were celebrated by but also
how you were celebrating. It was just

a beautiful thing. We yeah celebrating
our community because, like you said,

it's interesting because, if you haven't
paid close attention, I think a lot

of the world might think that you're
a lesbian or that you're bisexual or whatever

label it is. They try to
wrap the wrap their brain around who you

are, but you don't identify as
any of those things, but you are

a very staunch ally of our community, of course. Well, I believe

that people should love the one love
II. It's really probably one of the

most simple philosophies that anybody could have. It is taking me a long time

to be able to be grounded and
understand what that actually means, and it

really does come to stripping down of
what what exterior, what labels or anything

else could be. What it means
to be in touch with yourself and being

on a journey that that connects you
with yourself so that you can connect with

others. Open lands. Really that's
that's your communication isn't just sexually. Communication

is in every way and I think
we get tripped up a little bit sometimes

going. Well, if I crossed
that line and I go into a physical

thing, than that means that I'm
something other than what I am. Not

really we don't have to cross it
any other place that there's been where we

are and if we want to go
and explore their things, and that's our

right, because it's our privilege to
be able to be on this planet enjoy

life the way that it's offered.
And we get Mamos so caught up and

what everybody else says is okay to
feel or experiment or be with or the

line. If we didn't do that, then we wouldn't have so much time

wondering why anybody else is bad or
wrong or this that, just being our

life and be free. But we're
not there yet, but we're working on

it. I like that. Hey, our weddings coming up in June and

I have to write my vows,
so I reach out you'm like why your

vowels so beautiful and eloquent? Yeah, and wrote them saying I'm happy to

provide guidance. Just we love it. Did you watch anybody answer with the

stars this season? It just wrapped
not too long ago, the Mons Chumpert

one. But there's also Jojo See, while the first same sex, you

know, female couple dancing on the
show this year, which is a big

deal. Your boy cody from Peloton. You have a chrome I guy,

cody rakes. We love he made
the finals. Book you were able to

watch it all the season. You
know, it's kind of embarrassing, but

once I move on Er something I
I'm kind of I kind of get into

the new girl. That's an embarrassing
listen, it's not embarrassing at all.

Anonymous Male, I tried to lose
my virginity on grinder and chickened out.

You need to be with a person
in order to lose your virginity. You

can't do it over the phone.
That is the best little iconic respond wick

and witty. I love that so
much. It is true. What do

you think this fascination is though,
with and and you think there's a plus

at a negative to this world of
sort of online dating and apps and things

like that? Because me personally,
I luckily I met this guy, you

know, a decade ago and it
was before sort of all that really blew

up. You know, I hooked
up with one person on grinder. It

was fun for a little bit.
It didn't lead anywhere and that was that.

But for me to wrap my brain, at age forty one, to

wrap my brain around dating people on
an APP is insane too. Not even

dating. They're talking about just hooking
up and really it's right with opportunity any

of it's crazy to me. Yeah, what do you think about this generation

and how how we've all really moved
on to the their phones and they just

live there? Well, I don't
know. I mean people are getting laid

more than I am. I got
to be honest. My friends are no

good grinder and I called him the
other night. was like two o'clock in

the morning. I'm like, I'm
still awake, I'll just finished them riding

with you. It's like I just
had one of the biggest dicks in my

face that I had ever seen.
That wrapped around me like a like a

a connor or whatever that the snake
was like, are you kidding me?

Is like yeah, you want to
see if ficture like. You know what?

Okay, so fine, I get
it. Grinder for gay guys,

I understand, but I don't know, I don't. I you know,

I don't get on my phone to
call call over some snakes. I think

my kids might get offended if they
see him coming up the steps, but

my mom just not sure. So
I think grinder has a different I think

the people have different needs and they
get met in different ways. Mine seemed

incredibly too unsuperficial and I would like
to change my habits but I just haven't

been able to so far. I'm
a pretty manogamous person. Well, here's

the thing and this is what I'll
say. I think I don't necessarily view

dating APPs or or grinder. It's
just an evolution of what has always been.

So if we take it back to
a few decades ago, craigslist was

a thing. People going craigslist,
there will be a whole like section where

people would like male for male,
male for female, male for female,

met whatever. People would do that. They would hook up through craigslist.

Before craigslist there would be different ways
or avenues. You would go to a

certain bar or go to a certain
club and you know this one's best specific

for Hook Up. So if you
want to get laid, you go there.

So I don't necessarily think it's a
bad thing. I think that's just

an evolution of it speeds up the
PRODUC exactly with this one. I can

look at your face, I can
look at your profile, can look at

you your Dick and be like Oh, okay, do I want this?

No? Do I want this?
Yes, and and move on. For

this person who checking out, though, I think I would be the same

way, because I wasn't when I
was still in the closet. Grinder was

fairly new and I remember being I
was going to a school in College in

North Rural Georgia and I on.
Well, we confess something really fast,

because I used to work for a
DNT Oh in college and I didn't my

parents. They with. My phone
was on my parents accounts. I was

afraid to download grinder on my phone. So I thought it was smart.

Hey, let me download grinder on
the company work phone. Smarter because they

don't monitor that. So I down
with a grinder in the company work phone.

That's how I look. I never
like actually message anybody, but I

wanted to see what it was and
also there was nobody in my area because

again I was in north the rural
drawing watch on grinder. I got a

phone, my very first IPHONE,
years ago and and I got it from

actually my ex boyfriend and sister.
Or Weird thing they bought it for me

for Christmas and went home to Ohio
and I remember getting grinder on my phone.

I was so excited to look through
it and there was one person in

my hometown and I knew him and
the next closest man on grinder was forty

seven miles away, and I was
like no, nope, don't need it

ex out else. I did that
bad. Now now, Gosh, another

secret. All right, so this
is anonymous male California. I've been in

the secret relationship. Wow, I've
been in a secret relationship with a married

man for seven years. We see
each other frequently and I'm honestly shocked his

wife hasn't bound out. Maybe she
has and just doesn't care. That's bad

for everybody involved, seems everybody right. Yeah, I don't know. I

mean it gets to the point.
Also, we're responsibility and you can't judge

anybody for getting involved in things that
they need to get involved until take care

of their lives. But the fact
of the matter is when you enter into

a relationship that's already they're saying it's
a secret, there you're looking at something

less than a hundred percent. So
if you're committing something less than a hundred

percent and you're committing something less than
hundreds ever your self. For the other

end, for the people who are
involved that you say may or may not

know. So everybody involved in that
gets shunned a little bit from a hundred

percent of their their thriving selves,
which is that a hundred percent? So

that's that's all that I asked people
to encourage them to look at. It's

like, why are we doing things
that make us feel like we're less than

a hundred percent involved in what we
want to be involved in, whether it's

talking to your parents about being an
ebolly amorous relationship, or whether it's talking

to your lover about wanting to be
a hundred percent clean and pure and out

in the open when they're married.
Either way, we were looking at our

own opportunity to be living in our
full throttle. So it's up to us

what we want to do, but
until we commit to that hundred percent,

we're never going to get on the
other side of what consciousness truly is.

That's and that's what our journey is. That's a good like book title.

Living in full throttle. Yeah,
a good porn titles, but also really

a good book title. I can
go either way. I like my stripper

name. Not to make another Adell
reference, but she's all over my brain

the last few weeks and and she
talked about this one. She's incredible.

She talked about this like sort of
they're calling at the divorce album, but

it's more of a divorce from her
former self, not even from her former

husband. And she talks about the
moment she realized, you know, she's

talking to a friend or something and
realized it's not that I'm unhappy with him,

but I'm just not one hundred percent
myself. I'm not one hundred percent

happy, I'm not as happy as
I could be, and that was enough

for her to like literally break up
her family, which she said it's the

hardest choice he's ever made. Why
do you think? Why do you think?

And the people just stay in situations, it scenarios and relationships where they're

not happy. Is it? Is
it fear of the unknown? Is it

insecurity? Is it is it just
settling the what do you think keeps most

people in on happy relationships? Well, I think probably all three of those

things are certain elements of it.
I mean, I mean I don't think

it's one thing for anybody. But
I do think that it's very scary to

commit to something that's on the other
side when we don't know that the other

side is going to be any better. And I think that's the IT's time

to risk being honest, mean truthful, because you I'm going to do it,

but is it going to be any
better? Am I going to bull

does it mean that I'm going to
be there's no promises on the other side.

The promise on the other side of
truth is truth. So if that's

what you're about, then that's what
you can strive for, because you're the

only one who understands that. But
if you're if you're striving for something that's

like g I want somebody like me, or Gi hope that somebody gives me

a job for it, or Gi
hope to that ain't got ever going to

work, because there is never going
to be a guarantee of risk. The

risk to be truthful is the risk, is risk. Is Truth for taking

your life. That challenge is for
everybody's biggest challenge for good off for anybody.

How much truth do you live in? And then you don't have to

worry about what's on the other side, because you know truth is what you're

seeking. HMM HMM. Takes Care
of lot of lies and takes care of

a lot of concern and takes care
of a lot of people who are getting

a lot of hurt in them.
They if you know where you stand,

and then other people can stand now
there with you too. That's almost like

you should host your own podcast.
You don't listen to ant. Well,

I know that we are better together, I mean that's where this all comes

from, and seeking honesty and truth
to be able to reflect that for others

is what the goal of better together
is about. Yes, come on that.

I love it together. Come on, I'll seeking asking and truth.

Speaking of definitely do talk sex a
little bit to you guys. It's not

like we just bore ring. I
mean we do tell see you guys when

we do all, but usually is
about getting on the other side. What

what makes us feel shame? No, that's that's necessary. Is and you

know when age and I for getting
to the next fashion. We have like

a bit of I don't know if
we've talked about this publicly before, because

for anybody who's followed us for a
while, you know we're pretty open about

our relationship and when I say open, we're open in terms of we reveal

what we want to reveal, but
we are, we were pretty transparent and

when we first started talking, when
we met, we were just friends and

we developed a friendly relationship and then
it turned into a friend. What we'd

yeah, friendlier and friendliest. Definitely
friendlier. Got Very friendly and there were

I was in the closet, like
truly, like in the closet. My

Dad's a pastor, my mom's Jamaican
and she grew up in the costos,

so there's a lot of religion in
the family and I was terrified and age

at the time worked at universal city
walk and a bartender and in our see

great beer, in our in our
quote unquote secret friendship, we would go

and meet at city walk. I
would sit outside waiting for him and sometimes

I go to the bar and like
he would give me drinks, but I

will wait and we would like what
we're storing. You want to go to

thws? Oh, there's panda express, there's KF. See, there's pink

food court. Yeah, we're we're
also broke and we would sit there.

But the funny thing was it's and
it's funny you talk about like shame and

fear and all these different things and
not living in your truth, because I

was not living in my truth because
I was in the closet. And I

remember there was one moment in particular, and if you've ever been in the

city walk, you know that in
the food court area there's like balconies where

you can sit in patio areas,
and we sat next to the railing outside

of Panda Express, even our food, afraid. I was looking around the

whole time. I rememb roommates going
to see it is there's somebody that knows

me that's going to see me in
the and if you think about it,

why was I so afraid? Because
I'm just sitting with you. We weren't

kissing, weren't holding hands, we
were just sitting there, but I was

so terrified I was probably playing foot
see with you. Probably were, because

you always did something to try to
get me whatever. But when you talk

about not being or living like a
hundred percent in the relationship or dynamic,

I remembered the moment that I came
out. I came out because after months

at passed of US becoming more more
friendly and friendlier and friendliest, eventually there

was one moment where he said,
you know, I've gone through this before.

I don't know if I can go
through this again. If you aren't

comfortable coming out to your family and
to your friends, I just don't know

if I can be the person that
guide you through that journey. And that's

what pushed me to come out of
the closets. That's some real honesty right

there. That's good. I appreciate
that honesty and it was such a real

moment. I can do yeah,
that on you. That's a good thing

to reflect. Didn't I feel better
when you came out? Exactly I felt?

I felt wonderful I came out.
It was it was a rough journey

for me with my parents and with
some of my friends and whatever, but

I will say I wish that,
going to what you said and what we

experience, I wish that more people
would do that in terms of just being

more truthful, more honest and bearing
because if this person, going back to

this secret we were talking about,
if they're in a secret relationship with the

married men for seven years and that
married man is not willing to just bear

it all and tell the other person
in their relationship, makes me Sadis mecause

I know that there is this excitement
of Oh, we're doing something dirty and

like, Oh yeah, but there's
also you're not truly being fulfilled, and

I don't care what you say,
I don't think if you're in a secret

relationship with a married person, I
don't think you're truly being fulfilled in a

way. While that we're that wears
off really quickly. Right. Okay,

so we have one more secret before
we get to and secret. This is

anonymous female North Carolina. My best
friend and I have been fooling around with

each other for years, but it's
unspoken and she has a boyfriend now.

It makes me sad that will probably
never explore the true depths of our you

know, I can't say that word
depths. You can't say the word depths

to just cannot say it. Never
some time he chokes up. Teach,

all right, but I know it's
unfair to her boyfriend for us to keep

doing this behind his back. If
I'm capable of loving her, then I

know I have the capacity to love
someone this deeply who is more available.

It's just easier said than done.
Now, well, while, because amount

of time is up to you.
Yeah, YEP, you're probably right.

It is the you just said than
done. But again, like, look,

we're in another situation where somebody else
is assuming what is right for another

person, but you're going behind somebody
else's back, and then you're going to

be worried about what that boyfriend thinks, and then you think that you deserve

the lot to get honest and you
won't have any of those problems. Don't

I mean whatever, or include the
boy in and good like. Listen,

we're behind your back again. That's
it's a trifact of dishonesty and however much

less than a hundred percent that honesty
is. Is exactly the conundrum you're living

it. There's no relationship or interaction
or that you are having sexually or emotionally

with somebody that's not a hundred percent
without your participation and being less than that.

Yeah, that's real. You allow
it, and you allow it to

a degree and you ching. That's
my thing, like, I have no

like any sort of relationship dynamic is
long as it is open and transparent,

honest and loving and kind, like
whatever. You whatever, you the prambers

you set in your relationship. Yeah, okay, with all of it.

I don't care. If there's no
judgment whatsoever. What I got pretty well,

when you're telling the truth. Yeah, yes, that's the part.

It's the lying, the be it's
destroys. Yes, yeah, it destroys

every type of relationship, but not
just romantic ones either. I mean it

parent friend of it. That's why
we live in pain. MMM, so

good, that is so good.
No, it really had great seekers and

I feel like we really, we
really explored a lot of this and I

feel like we should take one more
break and then we'renning here from Ann Yeah,

Oh, welcome back to confess your
best got a good one. Today.

We're getting real, real, real
honest with and Haite. It is

now time, though, and for
you to confess your mess. Okay,

last week I dated somebody from Riah
and I went on to a date and

I was excited. We were at
the top of hotel and it was receiving

really sexy and fun and wonderful and
I was like, Oh yeah, I'm

gonna get me some and it's been
a while. I was ill. This

is so good a man and he's
a scientist and I've but here's what,

here's once it was secret one of
this part. I'm more of a side

I've could consider myself more of a
scientist than I do and actress foot,

which is funny because that's what I
study most of my time doing, is

trying to figure out things. So
I was dating an engineer and it was

all day like that. To me
was like sexy. I was like,

I don't talk to me about,
you know, quadrangles. On it is.

I'm so excited. Talking to me
about the energy I'm in, not

quadrilat Dutch quadrangles. Take Down your
pants and just about coming. And I

swear to God, I know I
had a couple of good drinks in me

that ill. And then I just
happen to hear on the way back from

from from from drinks in the elevator, that he was married, and I

was like a little and I wanted
it. I wanted it. I went

back to the other I was like, I even told Heather. I'm like

fuck, I'm gonna have a married
man. I am really it's gonna be

okay and it's going to be good, because then then but people leave me

alone and all all the you know, I'll see them one way. I

know the when he leaned in to
kiss me, I swear God, I

was like a gone that came down
in front of my face and I don't

like to say that I'm a proud
I am, though, kind of.

I could not get past the fact
that some woman, whether it was whether

she knew it or didn't know it, or whatever it maybe this goes to

some of the secrets that your guests
are sharing with you, your your the

fact of the matter is my a
hundred percent is a commitment to myself that

cannot it, but did it and
it doesn't waiver and it doesn't matter if

it's a secret. What matters is
what you know, and I just knew

that if I let that man kiss
me, there was some you know what,

there's a there's less than a hundred
percent of me giving what I want

to give, which is a hundred
percent of myself to the world in the

most loving, conscious way that I
can. And the second that I know

I'm not being conscious is the second
that I know that I'm less than a

hundred percent. So I had to
stop that kiss and I did and I

and I told him it was weird. was like this little breaks I was

having this like strange emotional breakdown,
like I'm such a Geek. I can't

even guess a guy. Obviously the
marriage sucks. And I then started going

through all the different reasons why I
could have or what it would feel like,

or I haven't had sex in three
months and man, a little bit

of Dick wouldn't be bad. Now, listen, those are the times when

you got to look at those up
hunt. I'm that Gauntlet and go who

am I, what am I about, and what do I want to serve

here and what do I serve for
myself? And so I stopped the kiss

and I grabbed my things and I
ran out of the room, but I

was such a Geek because I had
an over night bag and I was running

down the streets of downtown. I'll
like like, oh my God, I

just kissed, did it? Oh
my good. Yes, that is to

say, I have less sex in
my life, but I can say that

I do stand up for what living
loving kindness is. And the challenges are

when you feel like you want to
do something that you want to do anyway,

even if you know that it's the
thing that's going to hurt somebody.

That's the challenge that I live in
my life and that's the one that I

tried to embrace and encourage others to
do. I mean that that's secret.

Tie right into yeah, our secrets. That was perfect weight. And also

she's on Rya, ladies prentilement.
She's yeah, me, folks, because

you can't look at Dickson pussies on
Ryal. I'll tell you that now.

You guys might be able to do
that. On grind are you go like

yes, Dick, yes, Dick, no, buzzy, nobody, not

alone. That doesn't work. On
Ry you get somebody in your face like

the yes, no, maybe,
but and then you get married. So

there you go. We do?
You say no to all the PUSSIES,

don't well, you say none of
the pussies. I haven't had another one,

but I'm not saying that I wouldn't. You know, I just haven't

done I haven't found when this funny
enough to date me, because we'll see

what I listen. We love your
openness in your honesty. We think you're

incredible. This has been really fun. It's flown by actually, yeah,

really as well. You guys are
a delight. Thank you for having thank

you. Thank you so much.
One thing before we let you go,

we ask everyone of our guests.
Oh, what is your takeaway? From

today. I don't know that you
guys want to have a threesome. No,

that's not it. Any time tell
you, sometimes they get the wrong

messages. That's not it, that's
not okay. These two beautiful guys don't

okay, that's not it. I
take aways that you two are wonderful.

What a way. What is what
is most important about the sharing stories and

telling our secrets? It two secrets, and good is that honesty serves the

universe in its explicit divine and trends
into the Holy, which is a matrimony

of truth. And that is and
that is what you guys are encouraging,

and I think that is one of
the most wonderful things in the world.

I'm happy to be a part of
encouraging that for you and your audience.

We've got, wow, incredible colors
lately. What did we do to deserve

this? Is Incredible. I love
you, Adore you. We want to

know. We want to know,
and I know this just kind of came

out, I solve on instagram.
You have a major, major project,

I mean up with the weekend.
Yes, what can you tell us?

Our listeners need to know about this? Absolutely nothing. I am I just

got to listen to his music.
I mean I love the weekend personally,

so I might feel really thrill doing
it to be a part of whatever project

he's doing. And I don't think
they're letting US tell too much, but

I mean, let's just say I'm
not playing his lover. Is that there's

a big scene that it's not real. Somebody else is going to be playing

that part, but I'm gonna have
fun playing whatever role I've play. So

we do have something to look forward
to from you very, very soon,

though. Hell yeah, that's so
cool. Keeps keep soaring and keep being

your authentic soft we had oreel guys. Thank you, goeous. We do

want to get into our messenger of
the weiting. Our Messenger is Gina Boo.

They said loves some mess. They
said love this podcast. Mess is

fun when it belongs to other people. Love a million AJ their chemistry is

so fun and the guests have been
fantastic, expect say x especially drew that

episode with top tea. Thanks,
Gina Boob. Thank you, messenger of

the wheel. Confess your mess is
a Straw hut media podcast produced by Ryan

Tillotson and frank driscool. Thank you
so much for listening and don't forget to

subscribe and share. And if you
have a secret and want to share,

go to confess your mess dot us
to submit your secret could end up in

the show.
Better Together w/ Anne Heche and Heather Duffy
Anne Heche's BETTER TOGETHER w/ Anne & Heather is a space where guests introduce us to the person that makes them better. For me, that's my friend, Heather, and t... View More

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