EPISODE 95: The Birds & The Bees

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Show Notes

This week on Tequila Talk, Daisy and Richard discuss Valentine's Day and ponder why this new generation is more apathetic to romance and sex than previous generations. While Richard has been working hard on his new album, Daisy has picked up a new hobby involving wildlife.

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Transcript


STRAWT media. Oh Salute. That's
delicious, and so is that. So

is that for yourself? A glass
of your finest Tequila or whatever you drink,

from Straw Hud media. This is
Tequila talk, but daisy points and

Richard Mox, welcome to Tequila talk
everyone, Post Valentine and day. Addition,

how is your Valentine's Day? It
was a wonderful was it? Yeah,

who just spend it with my lover, Richard Marks. I I like

that you and I have sort of
found this place. I think when we

first started dating we were both pretty
mocky. Is that what we still are?

We kind of are, and we
don't. We generally don't do your

typical Valentine's bullshit right, but I
also think it's, like I'm we've talked

about this before, this whole idea
of marking a day in your calendar to

be more romantic. Yeah, loving
to your partner or your spouse or like

really yeah, like, we know
it's a commercial thing. Yeah, like

just about every other holiday has turned
into a commercial thing. Very much,

but it's a sweet one, you
know, it's really sweet one. The

only thing that I don't like about
it is that, you know, couples

feel the pressure to do something super
special and instagram worthy and single people feel

like shit. Yeah, and I
don't like that. Right, it's just

for enjoling. I had some pretty
funny post about it because he's single and

he's like, when the fuck is
this day going to be over? Yeah,

I remember what I was single.
I would just hang out with all

my girlfriends and we would either,
you know, have a dinner out or

we would have like a movie night
in or that. It was kind of

fun. It's just nice when you
know, when you choose to go against

the grain. I noticed, speaking
of Social Media, I noticed on that

Valand this last Valentine's Day, I
noticed people commenting basically saying maybe it's always

been the case, but this particular
day highlighted it. So many people saying,

yeah, I'm I gave up on
that years ago, or I haven't

been with anybody in years and I'm
okay with that. There's a lot of

that going around. Yeah, there's
a lot of that going around. I

think that this generation has a much
more cynical perception of love than other generations,

and I understand why. I you
know, with what's happened in the

last couple of years. On top
of what was happening already with social media,

they've become much more closed off and
more to sex as well as romance.

Yeah, I was reading something that
said that young people are not really

engaging in sex as much as,
yeah, you know, our generation,

and that's mostly do again, due
to social media and the Internet and and

just doing everything online, including that
directions and also other distractions. So you

don't, I mean, I you
think I would have taken a second to

look this up, although I just
had this thought. Yeah, do we

know if there's some? There could
be a obviously it's sociological, but is

there also a potentially in an environmental
reason for a maybe a decrease in Libido

and younger people? Or I don't
think so. People just as Horny as

we were? I don't think so. I wonder why? Because I think

because porn is so modily avail more
readily available right anywhere, any time,

placed at my dad's playboys. Yeah, and you know, and I think,

that there was much more curiosity when
we were younger and now mystery.

Yeah, another isn't everybody is just
you know, you rite have easy access

to that anytime, anywhere. And
you think it's it dulls the those senses.

Yeah, because because it can't compare
if you're hooked and on Porn,

and I am a again, I'm
not saying that there's anything wrong with porn

right, nothing at all right.
But if you start watching porn when you're

very young, like most people are
doing today, they're starting very, very,

very young to watch it, and
you get a little addicted to watching

it and then the only form of
sex that you have is through porn or

with porn, and then when you
have a partner, it seems I can

see how it would seem odd because
it's really difficult to match that or to

compare to what you're watching, because
it's bring them porn. But you remind

me of a conversation we had years
ago when I I said something like you

know, a lot of when we
were talking about porn and people getting addicted

to porn, etc. And Oh, we were talking about how men's perception

and acceptance of porn is usually different
than most women's and and I said,

you know, some women feel like
I've heard people say I can't compete with

that, you know, when it
comes to my boyfriend or my husband,

and him watching porn. I can't
compete with that. A daisy went you

could dry and I went on.
My God, I just felt more in

love with you. Well, you
know that's the right attitude, but I

think so. I mean certainly when
if you're watching porn to the point where

you're not really sort of functioning,
or you're not or it's affecting your your

libido, Your Business Life, your
family whatever, than that you have a

problem. But yeah, but even
if it's not that, what I'm saying

is, if you're just addicted to
getting off with porn or that's what you're

using for sex and that's all you've
ever known since you were young, then

the Times that you are with somebody
else is going to be those times are

going to be awkward and if you
Never gonna compare because you've you used to

something else right, and it's really
I think that you know, people are

having a hard time even communicating and
socializing because you you fall so out with

all that that you're just not used
to it and it's awkward and people have

all social anxiety. Well, imagine
if you have social anxiety just going to

a party or just meeting people.
Imagine the social anxiety when you're used to

sex on the Internet and now you're
with a human. Yeah, it's weird.

I want to comfortable. Excuse me, I wonder what the stats are

people who just watch porn, yeah, versus people who are into interactive like

we're. They're having online sex.
Yeah, pose to yeah, where there

is somebody on whoever you're you don't
know who the other person is really,

but it's all connected. It's all
something that you're doing anonymously. Yeah,

all suthing. Essentially, you're still
kind of alone and you're not really connecting

right in. That connection with somebody
else is something that has to happen naturally,

that you have to you know,
you start when you're young having a

crush on people, and the whole
process of learning how to be attracted to

somebody else, which you know,
starts for some people very young. You

have a crush on somebody, you
start by, you know, kissing someone

and by, you know, the
small gestures. All that is gone.

HMM, all that, for the
most part, is gone because kids are

now very familiar with porn. So
they go they skip all of that young

puppy love, sweetness, that learning
curve that we should all have the all

that is skipped and they go right
to the porn and it's a different experience

and it I can see how it
could really screw with some kids. Also,

very difficult to monitor it. Yeah, like you can monitor in your

own house, you can get blockers
and stuff like that, but they're going

to go to their friend's house and
well, I don't think it's anything to

really block or make depends. I
mean if I had young kids, yeah,

they're going to find it somewhere else. I don't think that that's the

key. I think the keys the
dog to them stood it. Yeah,

but you you still have to monitor, if it best you can. You

have to, you know. Well, we're past, I believe that we're

past an age of monitoring, because
you can monitor as much as you want

in your house, mm, and
you can't control what they're watching elsewhere.

All they have to do step outside. Yeah, go to the next door

neighbor's house or any were. So
it's more about talking to your kids and

explaining to them that they are,
you know, not to get caught up

in that. But how do you
do that when all their friends are doing

it? I was reading about so, I was reading that kids are,

you know, more into port than
they are into actual physical relationships. So

I really think it's about talking to
them and explaining things to them. And

and that's even hard to do because, as you know, when your peers

are all into something and they're all
awkward in the same places, and you're

less likely to come out of that
box that you put yourself into. Yeah,

then again, look, there's also
just the the concept of society tells

you you're supposed to interact and be
with someone and have a partner and have

relationships. Of but there are also
people who that's what works for them and

their productive people and they seem happy. Yeah, then, all power to

them, absolutely that. That's going
to lead me right into a topic that

we've been discussing the last couple of
days. In fact, we even started

watching some sort of silly docu drama
documentary on it, and I'm going to

start with a question. Okay,
so what have I asked for an open

relationship? What would be your Ma
concern and what would be your initial reaction?

Would you take a second to think
about it, or would your initially

be like Hell No, if I
said I want an open in a relationship

where you can see whoever you want
and I can see whoever I want.

My we're going to be honest about
it and and and, you know,

be faithful to one another, just
with our you know, honesty. But

we were allowed to have sex with
somebody else, just not fall in love

with somebody else. Yeah, my
initial reaction would be rejection. I would

feel rejected. I would feel like
you need something that I'm not providing.

HMM, and so it would immediately
I would immediately take it personally really,

and then I would I just believe
that that's not I just feel like I'm

not wired to do that and I
just felt a little bit more in love

with you. Well, it's this
is this is surprised to you. Well,

I think that a lot of men
would be very excited to hear that

proposition or even that that possibility.
Okay, I don't know, maybe it's

time in my life. I don't
know. Maybe if you and I were

in a relationship when we were in
our late s or the early S and

we've been together for five years whatever, I don't know whether I would say,

oh well, maybe while we're still
young we should experiment, but maybe

not lose each other, but and
the point is we started watching because one

of us read something about. Oh, we had a conversation with this about

swingers. Yeah, so it started
with us talking to our neighbors who have

been in our neighborhood longer than we
have. Yeah, everybody listening already though.

Their total swingers and there were saying
that the neighbors, not us,

yeah, that there's a whole thing
in the neighborhood with swingers, and I

thought, well, it's a little
surprising, but again, I'm sure that

happens in every neighborhood. And they
were like, yeah, there's there are

signs and there are things that you
do to let other couples know in the

neighborhood that, and I was like, what the fuck are you saying right

now? Well, I was less
shocked because and I never experienced it or

could even identify anyone, but I
lived for a long time in a really

small town suburb of Chicago. That's
where it happens Midwest, and I heard

later, oh, yeah, like
a total swingers community in there. Really,

because I looked around and it was
it would have been pretty grim.

Yeah, but what I'm fat.
So we, so Daji and I had

this conversation and then we were curious
about how people make that decision. How

do they make it work? What's
those success rate of something like that?

Yeah, and we watched one.
We try to watch one. There's really

no there's nothing good, because than
there was nothing, nothing, a no

current well done documentary on it.
I think that I would love to see

one. Yeah, here's a question. When it comes to and by the

way, having an open relationship is
very different than thing swinger, beinging swingers.

Yeah, they're very different. We'll
be right back after this short break.

So you know, there's there's being
a swinger, there's polyamory, is

another term that I was not familiar
with, you know, years ago,

and then there's open marriages, and
those three things are all different. So

polyamory is where you have three partners, or more, I suppose. I'm

not really sure. You know,
it could be two guys and a girl,

two girls and a guy, or
three women or three men, it

could be whatever, and you all
decide to live in Utah. All right,

the different one altogether, but it's
where you all decide to live as

a family and even raise children together. And you know, it's a very

loving it's more than just a sexual
relationships, a very loving, you know,

partnership, right, like if it
was a couple, but it's more

than two people. But that I
have heard about and seeing, maybe not

documentaries about it, but I remember
seeing a dateline episode or whatever, two

thousand and twenty, about families like
that. And and I think to myself,

okay, so it's Monday, I
at the and it's the cases I

saw were a man with several women, with several wives, right, polygamus,

right, and if he's get if
he feels a little Frisky, and

let's just say he he's one and
done. He's a oneandone kind of guy.

How does he decide who gets his
attention, who gets left out?

Do they get jealous of each other, even though they've all made this arrangement?

How does he how does he keep
up with making all of them contend

exactly exactly? What the what?
There were a couple of TV shows about

that. That was a reality show, but this family, right, I

never really got into I never watched
it. But yeah, I'm curious about

that too. So that's different.
That's polygamy. Then there's swinging, which

is when you, as a couple, both agree to exchange couples with other

couples, but still be part of
it, where you know, if I'm

having sex with someone else, you're
watching or a part of it, or

you're having you know, you switch
partner. So if we go out with

another couple, then you would be
with that woman and I would be with

that Manson always means swapping, but
it means that everyone's in. More people

are involved. Yes, even if
they're not actively participating, you're in the

room. Or yes, you're a
part of it. Right. And then,

of course, an open marriage is
just when either couple or book both

of you are are have agreed to
have relationships outside of the marriage. Yeah,

or sex outside of the marriage individually. Well, without naming names,

one thing that's really interesting. Let's
start with the open marriage. Then a

guy I've not been friends with for
many, many years. He was married

couple times and he's been singled for
the last dozen years or so. He

got in relationship with this woman who
really really liked but for you know,

not judging at all, for whatever
reason he went to her and said,

I really feel like we should have
we should bring somebody else into the bedroom,

another woman. He wanted to have
one designated person and and he said

when you and I can choose her
together. His girlfriend, who I seem

to remember, had never been with
another woman at this point, agreed to

it to please him. said,
I don't know how I feel about it,

but if this is something you want, I'll go with it. Flash

for so they found somebody they agreed
on, that they knew, who was

up for it. Within six months, my friends girlfriend had left him for

her. Yeah, and I think
that that's something that is very troubling about

swinging is that people who participate in
that lifestyle believe that it's going to be

just sex. And it may start
out that way, but it's not a

sex really. It's a lot more
and people do get jealous, people do

develop feelings, you know, and
just because you've agreed to be a part

of this lifestyle doesn't mean that you're
not going to experience jealousy or you're not

going to fall in love with someone
or just develop more deeper feelings for the

new person. Right then you have
for your partner. Right so I think

that I think that they're even though
I understand that there are some couples who

really navigate this and it works for
them I think it's the minority and I

don't think it can work in the
long run. You know, I I

think it's very shallow and I think
it can end up feeling very shallow and

superficial. And you know, if
you just start like, oh, we

just need to focus and having sex
with random strangers, I think that that's

going to get old really quickly.
What if the relationship that you're in is

healthy in every way except sexually?
What if you have a great you love

each other. Yeah, maybe you
have children together, but you're no longer

sexually attracted to each other, or
if you are, it's just a flicker

of what used to be a fire. Do you just go, I'm going

to go look for the whole enchilada
elsewhere, or do you does it make

sense to you for someone to say
if you both recognize that, you're both

mature about it and you can look, I adore you, I love you,

we have kids, I think we're
a good team, we're great friends,

we just don't want to fuck anymore, like we're not hot for each

other anymore. Rather than end this, what if we took on yeah,

what if we fulfilled our sexual needs
elsewhere? Right, don't you think that

that's I mean, well, kind
of get that. Yeah, I get

that to except that's not going to
work forever, because eventually somebody's going to

fall for somebody else, right,
they're going to have well, there's something,

a hund risk for that. Absolutely, I think there will be.

They're going to have they're going to
eventually find someone who they have a connection

with and who they like having sex
with. Yeah, I think that people

want that sexual thrill without putting in
the emotional work that is required to have

a healthy relationship. You know what
I mean? I think they go hand

in hand. So so fascinated by, and I've heard about this for a

long time, that there are men
and women, although I hear more,

I hear that it's more prevalent in
men, but I'm don't judge me now.

I think it's both. I think, when we finish what I'm saying,

this is a specific thing. The
the eroticism of seeing your partner,

your spouse, yeah, having sex
with someone else, so being in the

room and watching. Yeah, the
voyeurism of women watching their husbands have sex

with another woman or a guy watching
another Guy Bang his wife. Yeah,

and I'm fascinated by the line in
the sand, if you will, between

feeling possessive and jealous versus. Oh, that really turns me on. Yeah,

that's a very fine line, I
think. For I will think so,

all right. Yeah, I mean
you just have to be wired in

a way that I'm not. I
just think that if you really want to

have shallow sexual relationships, why not
just stay single and do that for as

long as you're having fun with that. Okay, let me play doubles African.

What if a couple in love with
each other, they have a decent

sex life, they love being together, they don't want to split up for

any reason. They happen to know
another couple. They all, the four

of them, love hanging out together, their best friends. They're attracted to

each other, they love each other, they love their time and they spice

it up by having sex with each
other's partners. That's an interesting word,

spice it up. Yeah, you
mean I mean up in a lecture.

Okay, but intellectually I can look
at somebody like that, even though I

could never participate in that. I
can look at that intellectually. Ago will

could for them. Yeah, it's
the way I feel about people who are

bisexual, there's a part of me
the electorally that goes. Good for you.

Yeah, you have so many more
choice options. You're going to have

way more fun. I think that
the younger generations, people in their twenties

today and even late teens and S, have a different idea and a different

perception of what a relationship is,
and I get that. It's a different

world when it comes to relationships.
It's a different world when it comes to

defining partnerships and what they mean to
you, and really anything goes and I

get it, I understand it.
I think good for them. Yeah,

it's time to take, you know, some of the labels off and to

take the taboo out of different lifestyles. But, with that said, I

don't know, I still, I
still, even though I get it,

I can't having been and you know, a few serious relationships, having been

married, I can't see how that
could work unless you are wired completely different,

and as humans, we are all
wired the same in certain ways.

It doesn't matter what your sexual orientation
or what you define yourself as. The

need for companionship, that need to
be understood and loved and to feel like

you belong, like there's just that
your person that gets you? What if

you never find that person? Well, I don't know what I mean.

Isn't there a version of that person
for everyone? I don't know, I

don't know. It's good. That's
a good question. I mean, if

you don't find that person, then
you should ask yourself. Maybe it's you.

Well, but look, you and
I know several people in our lives

currently who who are great people.
Yeah, and they've been single for a

long time, like no relationship,
heart, if any, sex, hardly

any with other people. Right,
we know these people well enough that we

would go this is so cool person. Yeah, so is it just that

it's quote, it's them, or
is it that their standards have become so

rigid that they're sort of cutting off
their nose despite their face, are they?

Or is it truly that maybe,
in some people's cases, even really

cool people, they can't find other
people who that are cool? I think

it's all of the above. You
know, I remember the The Times that

I've been single, when I didn't
find someone that I was really interested in

having a relationship with. I would
just kind of day, like not in

a sexual way, but just day
right to can I stay, just to

kind of remember how to have that
interaction with someone. Yeah, but I

think that the people who who shut
down, the longer you shut down,

the more difficult it is to jump
back on the saddle, yeah, and

keep going and do and remember.
You know, it's very difficult. From

the the people who I know,
they basically just say that they get set

in their own ways and the more
time that they are on their own and

by themselves, the less that they
feel like being with somebody else, and

I think that it's just awkward.
It gets really awkward because you forget how

to have that kind of intimate romantic
jargon and that that scenario and how to

interact in that way. Then I
tell some of my single girlfriends, you

know, especially as we get older
and they get more set in their ways,

I just say, you know,
it's just nice to be reminded that

someone is into you. It's nice
to be reminded that you're still attractive,

that you're still desired, that you're
still desirable and lovable, and if you

stay away for that from that for
too long, it's hard to get it

back. Yeah, yeah, it's
something that I think we do to ourselves.

The more we become loners, the
more a large going to be,

that's for sure. Yeah, those
kind of habits gets dug in deep.

Yeah, and then it's, like
you said, also, the standards for

some people have become so high that
it gets crazy. I know someone who

is really only like she in her
mind is is still thirty, which I

think is great, that you feel
young, but she's really only attracted to

younger men and she's older. Yeah, and it doesn't it's like, you

know, a twenty five year old
guy isn't going to want to be with,

you know, a sixty year old
woman. Yeah, even if you

are cool and you're in great shape
and you know you're funny and personable.

Sure, you may have, you
know, some interest there, but that's

really not the norm. And when
a thirty year old person, guy or

girl, looks at, you know, another partner potential who is six years

old, they see their parent for
the most part, they don't even see

someone sexual. So that's a very
unusual relationship to develop. But yes,

in that case the standards are so
high because you're you're stuck in the time

of your life and you refuse to
move on to who you are now.

Yeah, I know a couple guys
like that who ones I'm thinking of.

They've all been married before, but
they haven't been married in a long time.

They're older men, they're considerably older
than I am. So there I'm

talking about guys in their late s
early s who still would not dream of

dating a woman in her s or
s. Why do you think that is?

Because they just I think that it's
a metaphor for them for their own

age and their own mortality. So
they have this thing in their minds they

have to date somebody young, and
I think to myself, dude like and

a couple of them are successful,
handsome guys, but like your way,

you're holding out for a thirty year
old when you're seventy. It just seems

crazy. I think that there is
some psychological something going on there that's more

psychological in the way that society might
view this person as more current or younger

or more I don't know. Yeah, because society has put so much pressure

on on aging and society is so
all the one couple we know has a

significant age gap and they've been together
for twenty something years and they're they're great

couple and they've had a great marriage. Yeah, I know somebody else like

that too. Yeah, so it
does happen, it does work. You

know, it's not. It's not
like can't work. And I do think

that an age difference isn't that big
of a of a deal, unless someone

is super super young. Yeah,
because in that case, even if you're

both super super young, it's your
relationship is at risk. Yeah, just

for that alone. Yeah, also
not that just sparked. Before we move

on at now. You just made
me. I want to go research.

I haven't thought about this one more
time. So I've never looked it up.

I want to know what the stats
are on the success rate of marriages

were both of both parties are in
their twenties, early to mid twenties when

they get married. What's the current
bet on a marriage like that? Oh,

I have it's like, well,
yeah, maybe thirty years ago it

was better. So you think the
staff? It's two years ago. So

you think the stats on people like
us who got married and while I was

fifty one when we get married,
but and you were in your late S.

Yeah, so you think that the
stats on those? I'm going to

sneeze, not covid salute. Thank
you. Do you think the stats on

those marriages are higher than the launchevity
is higher than people who get married in

the S. Oh, I'd be
willing to bet on it. Yeah,

I would too. Yeah, but
I I'm curious. I want to I

want to know if it's like,
Oh, it's actually higher than I thought,

or if like, Holy Shit,
it's like you're doomed. Yeah,

I think that these days it's really
it's good and it's bad that it's easy

to get out of a marriage.
Yeah, because why should you be stuck

in I relationship? That it's bad, I think. I think it's good.

I never viewed horsas something bad.
No, I think that you owe

it to yourself to move on,
to be happy. So, but I

you know, I do think it's
a little bit too easy and maybe people

give up a little bit to also
this whole penalty for divorce, this whole

you know. Yeah, one person
decides their nest not into the marriage and

they got a way. I gotta
pay and pay, pay and pay,

like okay, you can leave,
but here you're right, then cost you.

I mean there's something about it,
and I get it that people shouldn't,

you know, especially women, should
not be left high and dry at

the drop of a hat. But
there's also, there's a huge chasm between

that and, yeah, you know, being right, Haid for the rest

of your life because you were married
for six years soon, and that case

it's just a business transaction. Yeah, because you view it like that when

you first get in, knowing that
that's what you're going to do. Yeah,

but you know, it's if there
are children involved and whoever the the

the child, the person who takes
care of the children and very important,

should continue to be supported and be
taken care of. But if the children

are grown, you know, I
have that. There's this whole thing of

like, well, you know,
I put in so much time into the

marriage, so even if the children
are grown and I can get a job

of my own, I still want
you to pay me. Yeah, what

is that about? Who agreed on
that? Yeah, like, who put

that law into effect? I believed
in you, I support I was there

by your side when you did all
this stuff and became successful and then you

decided you didn't want to be married
anymore and so now you have to pay

me forever. Yeah, there's something
about that. Yeah, conceptually it makes

you go really yeah, you know, and I'm not I'm not saying that

it's women or it's men, because
it's both, if you can do with

it, it's both. There are
women paying men and there are men paying

women, just because that's your punishment
for not wanting to be in that relationship.

Yeah, so I don't know who
put that law into effect and I

don't know. I think that it
needs to be revised because, yes,

there are many cases where, you
know, you signed up for something and

you have children now you need to
continue to support that family, even if

you are moving on. You need
to continue to help. Yeah, but

you both do, you know.
But in many cases it's just a business

transaction, and you know there are. There are prenups. Yes, that

state. If you stay with me
for a certain amount of years, then

you only own me this much.
If you stay for this longer, you

owe me this much. If you
cheat after so many years, then you

owe me this much more. Right, what the fuck is that like?

Who Do you okay, yeah,
let's get married. That sounds fine.

Let's do that. Yeah, what
are you crazy? I mean, the

concept of a PRENAP, just to
be clear, is good. It's good.

Yes, when you have those kind
of stipulations. Jesus, yeah,

that's a little bit too extreme.
I don't know, and I guess that

there are extreme cases. What do
I know? I don't know. And

also I picture something like because I've
heard heard those two like, for instance,

like if you cheat, I get
three million dollars or some numbers.

I'm yeah, actual assigned. Absolutely
right. It's already prettytected. The guy

is in a situation where it looks
like he slep with that girl but he

didn't write. But he can't prove
that he didn't write. You can't prove

a negative and he's got to pay
the like Andy, I did, but

I didn't. Well, and it
looks really like you did. So right,

if you know, in those cases, when there is a lot of

money at stake, they get set
up. Well, know you that people

are hiring private investigators to have the
room that you need to get the money.

Yeah, so the whole thing is
just so screwed up and it's just

so, so shady. And Look, I believe in a prenup. I

think that people should have a prenup
because it should be easy to get out

of a situation if you need to. I agree. And if you're expecting

someone to support you off, you're
getting into a situation where okay, this

is our understanding, is that I'm
not going to work and you just going

to support me and if we break
up, you're going to continue to do

this and you sign up for that, then you're an asshole. Yeah,

if there are no kids involved in
you're okay with that, then you deserve

to continue paying. Yeah, I
think that it should just be more when

there are kids involved. And obviously, if there was love for one person

at one point and you're breaking up
with that person, sure help them out.

Make sure that you don't leave anybody
out street their convisitions. You don't

have to be, you know,
a jerk to people. You can.

There are provisions that are not bit
up there, but it's not absolute.

Mean it is out of control.
It's out of control. We'll be right

back after this short break. So
in the last couple of weeks, while

I have been focused on finishing my
album and kind of when we're not hanging

out together, I'm focus on that, finishing lyrics, doing, you know,

in the studio a little bit.
Tell everybody what you've been doing.

I have been building a bird sanctuoy
around my house and I am fascinated with

it. It has gotten a little
bit out of control. You think that?

Just a little bit. I mean, you know, they talk and

they all told all the other birds. Yeah, this is the place to

be. Oh Yeah, this is
the neighborhood, this is wondering hold,

watering hole and Smar Guess Board.
This is like this is like the all

you can eat buffet of the neighborhood. So, of course they are beautiful

bird. So be some of them
absolutely good. What do they did you

find out what the thing was?
Them are finches? Everyone, they're.

Yeah, it's a type of like
finches absolutely gorgeous and they're all different colors.

And Anyway, I think most people
know that we lost our betty,

our dog, and I've always had
a pet and I love taking care of

animals and I just felt like I
had no purpose and so I gee,

thanks, no, I love you, but you don't need me to take

care of you. I know,
and we need you, although I do

feed you and to carry you.
Yes, you do. So I you

know, once I had a little
bit of time on my hand, on

my hands from like not taking care
of Betty, who was very sick in

the end. Those last four months
we're just all consuming with taking care of

her. I said, you know, I noticed that there were a few

birds on the trees outside of the
kitchen window and I thought, oh,

it'll be sweet for me to get
them a little yeah, feeding truck,

get a little treat. Yeah,
and I did, and I saw that

a couple of them started coming around. So I thought I could get some

more, and so I put up
some more and then I started reading about

it, like what what to feed
them to attract more birds, and that

you had to have water, and
so I slowly but surely started building all

of that. And so now in
the two trees outside of our kitchen I

have a whole bird like a spa
resort set up. They just also enjoyed

by squirrels very there was just one
who try who's doing acrobatics off the tree

to try to get the thing.
But no, it's all kind of squirrel

proof in this area. I haven't
seen squirrels in this part and sure enough,

if you build it, they will
go and I'm so proud that I

now have at you know, almost
any given time of the day there will

be twenty evening, twenty to thirty
birds out there. Days he's glued to

the kitchen window like my meditation because
it's there are very few things that I

could just look at and be fully
present. I mean, I have taken

a couple of videos, but for
the most part I don't have my phone

with me. I I'm looking at
these birds for the most part and being

really present what they're doing and just
looking at their colors and feeling so happy

that I'm feeding them and I'm providing
a little safe space for them. I

love the I means literally a bird
bath. Yeah, the little circular what

do you call it? The Little
Fountain? It's like a fountain. Yeah,

but I love seeing them in there. Yeah, yeah, it's so

cute. Is Really Meditative, I
mean really is. I will look at

it for like twenty to thirty seconds
and I'm good, and you'll stand there

for forty minutes. I love it
as right to walk away and he's a

good no'll come back and look.
Yes, because there's so many of them.

And then I downloaded this APP called
the Merlin Bird Id. The whole

just kind of like a plant ID, kind of which I have also.

Yeah, that's such a nerd.
So with this, with this APP,

I just take pictures out the window
of these birds and it tells me exactly

what they are like. It put
pops up another picture and I'm like,

Oh my God, it's the exact
same bird. Are they all indigenous to

California? Yeah, to to the
US, yeah, but specifically the west

coast right. So in the on
this app you can specify the region that

you're in and it downloads all the
possible birds that can be in that area.

Do you have a goal in mind? You have a do you have

a goal of like getting them to
eat from your hand? Yes, I

would love that. I would love
that even a possibility. Sure, it

is really but I don't interact with
them because I know it's scares Im.

I want to keep them wild.
Yeah, and I love that I can

through the window watch all these birds
in their environment and sure I'm somewhat taking

care of them and I think that
a lot of the same birds are coming

back. I think it's all like
the same group, but I like that

they feel free and that I don't
have to, you know, baby them

or bring them E. I'm not
interrupting them. I can't believe how territorial

some of them. Some of them
aren't such dicks. There's such dicks to

each other it's the fuck out of
my way, it's my turn. Yeah,

some of them will definitely not let
others eat while they're eating. Yeah,

but there have been times when there
have been ten of them in one

tray eating all together, and that's
very sweet. And then that one jerk

comes along and guess books, everybody
and yeah, it's I do get to

kick out of it because you said
it's just one. But I've seen a

couple of squirrels in our backyard one, yeah, and that's Hilarious to yeah,

that's fun because they literally climb inside
the feeder like they so crafty,

but they're like they'll do anything for
a little treat. Well, but then

I started putting a whole other ball
on on the ground for the squirrels,

and now it's the cutest thing.
It's actually Betty's old water ball, yeah,

that I put out there, and
now they'll sit at the ball like

a person next to the bull,
pick up the food and the peanuts and

opening and it's I just I'm Er
als eat bird food without any consequences.

Yeah, because they're all nuts and
seeds, all right. Yeah, I

mean they prefer when I just do
like these sunflower the black oil, sunflower

seeds for them. They prefer that, and then I also put corn dry

cord and kernels. They love that. It's funny because you can go online

and see exactly what wild squirrels and
wild birds eat and how to keep them

a little bit. So that's right, and it's all Vegan. It's all,

at least these birds and these squirrels
are all Vegan. Yeah, I

mean, I'm sure they go out
there and eat the odd warm or so,

but not for me. Well,
I need I need to find we

talked. We've talked about this incessantly
alone, but I think we've been talked

about it on the podcast. I
need to find something to catch, to

get capture my attention in that way. Yeah, you know something? I

had lunch today, yesterday, with
our friend Paul Stanley, and he starting

during the pandemic for the first time
since he was a teenager. Yeah,

he started riding his bike and he
doesn't run on the street. He thinks

that that's crazy, a word iners. Yeah, he thinks it's just the

the risk versus reward is no good. But he found a path, a

bike path, that's basically like a
seventeen mile round trip. Wow, that's

nice, and so it's great exercise
and he also he told me. I'll

try to get the name of it
from him to pass it forward, because

I want to look it up to
because I said, do you listen to

podcast or music, because that would
make seem to me to be dangerous too.

He said, I listen to music, but I he wears this thing

that kind of hangs around his neck. It's not in his ears right,

so you can still hear everything,
and so he can hear everything around him,

but he has a soundtrack. That
sounds Nice. That's a great idea.

It's great idea. Yeah, anyway, my point is he got to

the point where that something he has
to do four or five days a week.

That's his yeah, that's his thing, that's his hobby. Is like

he gets a clears his mind and
that's how he feels good. Well,

we do that with the hiking.
Yeah, but I mean I kind of

like you now have your bird.
It's how worry. I need one.

I need one. Well, I'm
going to suggest that you get singing.

You're such a thick. Oh my
God. I'm gonna suggest that you go

back to your art. Your you
draw up beautifully you're an artist in that

way, you should start painting.
Paul. Paul's a great paint or two.

Yeah, gotta like he's becoming like
a journeyman, like it's not enough

that he's a rock star and kiss. He's like he paints and he well

the ours and he rides his bike
and and I guess that's why you guys

get along so well. Yeah,
does you have all that in common?

But it's inspiring to to have someone
who has multiple interests. I've always had

other interests, but I feel like
they've waned over the years. And Yeah,

I think drawing maybe because of the
Internet. I'm just all I do

is look at Porn. That's what
it is. Daisy might want to clarify

that. No, of course I. Well, I think that enough right,

tap into jump online. I'm weird, like. Internet is definitely a

reason, but not an excuse.
I think that social media has taken up

most of everyone's that. I send
way, like, way too much time

on Youtube really. Yeah, looking
at retro old clips of Old Porn,

Retro Board Reporn, lots of Bush. Well, that's a massive Bush and

big long mustache, yes, and
and Wah Wah, guitars, soundtrack.

No, I, as you know, I can go down rabbit holes.

Yes, and I've just found that. Like, I'll go in like.

Well, I'll go into our office
and if I have twenty minutes of emails

and Shit to respond to or deal
with, then I tell us if don't

Google the BOB new heart show or
whatever, some old retro thing that I'm

thinking about, like a show that
I watch when I was a kid,

or whatever happened to this person or
because then all of a sudden, the

next thing I know, I've spent
an hour. Hours later. Yeah,

and I could have been painting or
drawing, or that's what happens to all

of us. I will go online
to just check emails. Before I know

what, I'm distracted by whatever stupid
shit, yeah, gets on my screen.

Yeah, and I want to do
less of that. Yeah. So,

on the topic of all of this
sex talk and dysfunctional sexual relationships,

we started watching Pam and Tommy Lee. Oh, thank you. Yeah,

we should wrap up with this.
We only watch the first two episodes.

Yeah, and it. All I
have to say is that I'm intrigued.

Yeah, and Lily James, Sebastian
Stan and Seth Rogan, who are the

three leads? When are I didn't
amazing and with the first couple minutes I'm

watch, I go is that Seth
Rogan? It's incredible because he completely transformed

him, so complete and so like. Lily James and Sebastian Stan do not

look anything like themselves, right,
you see no trace by the one day

they were before this, though.
Yeah, I didn't either. I mean,

I knew who Lily James was.
I was familiar with who she is,

even though I couldn't name anything that
I've seen with her in it.

I know that she's you know,
she's a working actress. Yeah, she

looks familiar, but when you see
her as Pamela Anderson, it's jaw dropping.

Like I think they make up artist
on this project need to win lots

of a wars. Yeah, because
it's really incredible. And for those of

you who don't know what this is
about, you know it's the story of

Pam and Tommy Lee. There of
their their love affair. They were married

after knowing each other only for ninety
six hours and they divorced and they didn't

work out if they divorced three years
later, after two kids and charges of

spousal abuse, and child abuse.
So it's it's a crazy ride. And

of course they had a sex tape
stolen from their home in one thousand nine

hundred and ninety five, and that
was released. I think it was the

beginning of all of that. It
was the first celebrity tape that I remember

her still when I remember that was
after hmm and I believe that someone,

that she or someone, put that
out themselves. But these guys, this

tape was stolen from their house and
I think they came to the conclusion that

it was stolen from that that a
worker. Yeah, like someone who's very

upset who had done work in their
house and they weren't paid. They stole

yes safe from their house and in
it was this tape and then they sold

it for a lot of money and
it became very popular. BEANNA started a

trend. Yeah, you know I
worked with Tommy Lee, did you?

Yeah, Oh, that's right,
he was on your actually really cool story.

Yea Nineteen, ninety one nine.
Yeah, I'm going to say Ninety

Nineteen Ninety Ish. That's right.
I remember you telling me about this.

I had done two albums. I
wasn't off the road. I was starting

my third album called Rush Street and
I went to a hockey game in la

I was still living in La at
that the first time around, and I

went to a hockey game and I
ended up sitting next to Tommy Lee and

Heather locklear M and we just start
talking and we had some mutual friends.

Then he said to you on the
road? I said no, I just

finished. I'm back in the studio
making a new record, and I honestly

can't remember whether he said, well, you know, hey, I'd love

to play on something, or if
I said to him, you know,

I sure love to get you to
play on something, thinking he wouldn't because

there our music is so different,
and he turned a meeting, went in.

Of course. When do you want
it? When do you want to

do it? You have you have
something in mine. I was like I

do, actually, I just written
the song called streets of pain. It's

absolutely the hardest rocking song I think
I've ever written. Really Yeah, wow,

it does not like if you heard
this one, you'd be like who

is that? Anyway, it was
maybe a week later. I called him.

He came to the studio we were
we were recording at this amazing studio

in Hollywood and it was Tommy on
drums, Steve Lucatherur from toto on guitar

and Randy Jackson on base wow,
ready was playing star, All star.

Yeah, but I mean randy was
a superstar session player at that. Yes,

this way before you. You know
that's a no for me. Dog,

way before American idol. And Randy
is, I tell everybody, like

one of the greatest musicians I've ever
known. He's done some of us are

some of the biggest record oh yeah, been on some of the most successful

project, but he played its very
so many of my records. Yeah,

and so we had this day in
the studio where we cut the song on

streets of pain, which which is
on the restreet ABM. You can listen

to it on apple music or spotify, I don't care. And whichever want

offends you the leaser, one offends
you the least. And it was such

a great day because I remember Tommy
working so hard on his groove and it

was different. I mean even though
it was a hard rock song, yeah,

it was a little different than what
he'd done before and he hadn't played

on other people's records at that point. And I remember when we were listening

to the playback. He was running
around the console, that the engineering console

in the control room. He was
so happy. Wow, he thought it

sounded so great, and it did. Yeah, and he was he had

this very childlike energy about him.
Yeah, but when he sat behind a

drum kit it was all business and
very focused and he's a piece of really

you, really cool. I had
a great time. I we didn't end

up hanging out after that, but
I loved working with them. Well.

That's another example of you know what
you have to do to be at the

top of your game, at the
top of Your Business. You have to

be super focused and you have to
be that you have to care about it

that much, about doing a good
job. It doesn't matter what it is

that you think you want to do, and I know that the catch phrase

these days is, Oh, listen
to you can dream it up, you

can do it. You can do
anything you want, anything that you can

see yourself day. It's not that
simple. Yeah, it starts with that,

it starts with the vision, but
unless you focus on becoming the best

at something and you sleep, drink, breathe and eat whatever that project is

or that thing that you're trying to
get really good at, then you're not

going to be in the top of
your game. You just not going to

be on the top of your game. Yeah, so we have to.

Let's watch it tonight. Yeah,
let's watch some. I remember I was

saying to you a couple nights ago. Didn't we start watching something? Yeah,

that's what it was that. Yeah, that's what it was. I

we got a little sleepy on the
last episode, but I remember we were

kind of into it. So we're
going to dig back into that. All

right, kids, have a great
week. I hope you guys had sex

with whomever or however. We're just
yourselves. We will see you guys next

week. Thanks for listening, and
take good care of each other. By

thanks for listening to Tequila Talk With
Daisy pointest and Richard Marks. download new

episodes every week and, if you
haven't already, subscribe and be sure to

leave us a rating in review and
while you're at it, check out some

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