EPISODE 5: Bryan Callen

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Show Notes

Poopies sits down with stand-up comedy legend, Bryan Callen. Get your notepads ready as we take a lesson in Poopies vocab!


I liked my guests to be comfortable. How's the MIC? How'se the MIC

filling? Things just been rubbed on
some fresh TWAT? Yeah, Dude,

I know that's you know, I
wish we should haven't Wat Slav in my

I just take this home with me
and just fucking get yeah, where,

where on my Dicky? Welcome back
to another episode of the Shittiest podcast with

poopies. I want to start out
with a question. How the fuck are

we still doing this? We originally
recorded three episodes and had no plans to

ever record more because we just thought
it was that Shitty. While we all

agree it is Shitty, there seems
to be a genuine charm that you sick

people appreciate in the man we call
poopies. So, from the bottom of

our cold dead hearts, thank you
for the support. We're going to keep

this thing going. Probably would have
been like ended up on drugs or being

a teacher. Who knows. Put
your heads together for poppy. I was

the furthest one out and I go
fuck, it feels kind of Sharky and

my friend goes, yeah, it
does. I got Yap, I'm out.

The shittiest podcast in the world.
Oh sick. What's up? You

guys? The Legend, I mean
comedian, like superstar, Brian Callahan worldwide.

That's up. That's not his name. Poopy. This week we have

Brian Callen, not Brian Calahan.
He's a standup comedian and actor you might

have seen in the hangover ABC's,
the Goldbergs and joker. Bryan recently saw

an episode of the Shittiest podcast and
was naturally smitten with our fearless host poopies.

We reached out and he agreed to
be on the show. What happens

next is another perfectly shitty episode of
the show. Take it away, poopies

worldwide. Calin, I'm so sorry, Dude. Said, yeah, we

got yeah, Brianne Callen, I
know you don't side. I was watching

you on Johnny Knox that, I
thought myself. He's very stone. Yeah,

and he's new to podcasting. Fuck, I've fuck that one up,

Brian Callen, you guys. Yeah, that's good, dude. God,

welcome to the poopies podcast, dude, I mean this is the mother of

all podcasts. My Film Say Lady
was like you have to watch this guy,

and then I watched the Promo for
the shittiest podcast. I was laughing

so fucking hard. Then I watched
your podcast, giant Knox V. I

go, I gotta do this podcast
because it gets unique. Yeah, it's

don't change this, like just be
the guy who Grebo podcasting and the have,

what's your name? Have Ryan do
the fucking commentary, because it's such

a like it's such a saturated art
form. But you guys found something unique.

They did they see, they seen
it, they seen the vision and

they fucking ran with it. I
was like, let's go. I love

it. Yeah, I love it, man. Yeah, because, like

usually I'm not doing and Podcast,
I'm doing youtube. Yeah, the poopies

channel. That's my youtube. Okay, and so why is he? He's

so poopies came when I was in
like eighth grade, when I was like

fourteen. Your name is always been
poopies. No, it's been. It

was shown my name Real Nice Shan. No, I mean, but yeah,

it's always been poopies, man and
Jack Ass. You to make it

up. When you meet girls,
do you go I'm pious? No,

no, because there's no way to
make that sexy. There's not. So

when I was little, when my
name became poopies, I was over and

I was like because the chicks.
Yeah, I was like, boys,

do not call me poopies, like
yeah, I want to get late tonight.

Yeah, so, and then next
thing you know, poopy's got me

a beer and then like Oh,
why is his names poopies? That's when

when you have friends. And then
I go, real friends will try to

fuck you. Yeah, no,
for sure, and they just laugh because

you know, I'm not getting pissed
that night. My Buddy would do this

to me when I would go any
time. We'd be like with a bunch

of girls and I get up to
go to like I'd I bear about it's

got a bath for me. Go
got a poo again, so I kind

of peeing as Nice. Stomachs been
really bad. They yeah, back,

motherfucker. I'm walking in the Star
wrocks like three hot girls behind the thanks

and he goes, he goes,
he's your bathroom freaks. He's got it.

He's got a really bad as you
be. A man just has the

stomach. I'm like, yeah,
I gotta Pay, I swear. It's

like and yeah, the one girl
recognize me. I'm like, AH,

this is fucked. Yeah, that's
what good friends are for. The I

love it. Yeah, they keep
you humble, you know, they keep

you in check. I'd I'm still
ten years old, like with my with

my ex, I used to do
she's super embarrassed about anything. And so

we'd be going to a movie and, you know, you get there and

people are already there in the movie
theater because it's late. And stop this.

How, this is how fucking twelve
yearold I am. Okay, this

is what I was in my s
doing this. So we go to the

go to the movie theater and I
know that you have to come in and

then you're going to walk here and
everybody's gonna be looking down at you.

Right. Yeah, so she's there, she's she was very she's very pretty,

but still very like she just shy, says like shy. So I

would just go and I push.
Everybody would look like that, and that,

to me, I could do all
day long. Yeah, Yep,

because I think Pooh is fine.
No, for sure. Yeah, so

I had embrace it. It was
like, yeah, sacrifice, like such

a sacrifice to be like, all
right, my name is Poopi's like I'm

not gonna have a normal job,
I'm not gonna have a normal life,

like my name is Poopi's. Yeah, but see, but I was like

fuck it, let's do it,
and then I got put on Jackass and

I was like fuck, yeah,
yeah, because success is never comfortable,

I'm going to run with poopies.
Yeah, success isn't comfortable. It's not.

It's all premature to me to all
this Hollywood stuff. Fuck Yeah.

So I'm just like, I just
go in and I fuck, I get

escorted around, I get to my
casting room, you know, the just

chill and talk with the boys.
But I've never been on a real movie

set, except Jackass forever. But
that's not like. That's real. It's

a real it's a real production,
but it's not like it's not where you

got like big, big time actors, actors. I mean you got Knoxville,

like he's he's an actor. Yeah, but yeah, I was just

different man and I always wanted to
be like that. It's like so organic

and natural. You know, I
don't know, Shure, I know I

saw your scars, that your darkscars. Oh yeah, the shark was fucked.

At least you can do that with
grossing that. My name is Poopi's,

but I got sharks. God,
no, I go. Have you

ever been finger being by a shark
hand. Can't feel my own hat.

You'll yeah, yeah, loss of
dexterity. Yeah, numb. So when

I was, I'm doing my physical
therapy, I'd pump chicks, like missionary.

Yeah, so I'd be on the
bed and you would hold on.

I would pump, pump, check. Yeah, that's like what we call,

like, that's how by sex.
Is that what you said? They

say, if you want to pump, can I palmy dump real quick?

Huh? Please, don't let this
term catch on. Let's just let it

die here, please. It's kind
of like a make sure you say hey,

babe, can I my name is
poopies can poop used to do this

dravity. He wants to pump your
mission I must get him super excited.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they
like the little boy, like poopy's want

to pump. Poopy want to pump. Yeah, yeah, poopy want to

pump your pussy. See, yeah, exactly. Sure, that exactly.

Yeah, I keep on. Hopefully
it worries. I don't know. Yeah,

poop and pump is a great thing. Yeah, it gets a girl

who too, mother, could we
always want to bump hi and these guys

want to pump. Now you know
if you know about poopy's, right,

that guy kid, he pomps funds. But yeah, so, yeah,

so, like it's it was good
for it because it was stretching it,

and it was like, as long
as I can do that, because I'm

a surfer. Yeah, and that's
what you need to stand up on a

board. Yeah, so as long
as that motions going. And I was

like I'm it hurt too, and
I was pumping these chicks and dude,

it was just like these chicks.
Yeah, there's you multiple pomp a lot

of chicks. Not Really, I
mean I like I want to get to

know him first and like, you
know, if the chick pumps you on

the first night, she you know
she's got something or she's like you know

what. People say that. But
my some my some of my closest relationships,

maybe all of that first night.
Yeah, literally all of them.

Well, yeah, I gotta like
sets it out first, though. I

gotta connect, connect, for sure, like it's all about the connection.

Like if she's like about my jokes
and like about like my sarcasm, then

it's on. But if they're not, like the Oh, I'm not that

wild, and I'm like, yeah, maybe we should just do a one

day and done thing. But yeah, I mean I try to. I

try to like find the hottest chicks. Yeah, well, the hottest shikes

are craziest one there, I know
it. Trumaine wants being a pump.

The trogs that poopis. Where was
all the trogs at pump? Are Her

trucks? Yeah, yeah, like
the fat chicks, the trugs trucks.

is a pact Rick. Yeah,
it's I got troll frog. It's another

surf term. Do you do you
like these? The call the chicks trogs

when we were kids and they hated
it. Did well, I would imagine.

Yeah, don't really have been called
it wrong. You like watch out

your trog. I beat it Rog, like I'm a dude. I don't

want it comes to tell frog.
Yeah, we's tell the chicks like beat

at Trog. We are me and
dude. That's so me. Growing up

in a surf culture, it was
like dog town z boys, but in

Carl's bad kind of yeah, kind
of gangster. Yeah, I was the

we got gang charges from the COPS. Really. Yeah, do you like

we're just a Surf Club, though, no, because they were like stop

calling, stop calling the Collrah in
their teens. Truck yeah, them for

life. Yeah, I was bad, dude, but now I'm so much

nicer, though, like I learned
like my lessons. Karma is a bitch.

Bit by a shark and Shit.
Yeah, but you still refer to

trucks and pumping. N Not,
not necessarily. I just want. I'm

just you just wanted to hit your
hand. Yeah, so just want to

give my hander, but it works. But anyways, what was that the

scariest thing he did on Jack Ass
to Oh yeah, dude, that was

after we filmed forever. And they're
like, POOPI's want to go to shark

week. I was like, yeah, why not? You know that's like

super sick, like shack's been on
shark week, like all these legends.

I was like yeah, let's do
it. And then they come up with

the FRONSI move. You want to
jump the shark pit like phonsie? Yeah,

and I was like I want to
be a legend, Dude. Yeah,

so they're like, all right,
Chum, the Shark Steve was over

there. Yeah, Dude, I
love starting less. You's were nicest people

on the planet. I loved you
the Fucker. So yeah, we love

you, Stevah I love him.
He's the man. He's been doing so

much for me, like he's such
a good person. Duty's so clear and

there may not be a better person
on the fucking plans. Just so real.

That, yeah, for me,
so funny, and he's killed I

heard he's killing it and stand up. I love that guy. Yeah,

I love him. He's going like
to the moon. Dude, he's fucking

he should. He deserves it.
Yeah, he does. Genuinely good person.

They he actually took me under his
wing and like been helping me out

a lot. So I'm stoked,
just showing me his ways and just helping

me out on my merch and all
my youth stuff. Yeah, because he's

a youtuber. Yeah, I feel
like you're one of those guys who's like

smart and then you still sneak up
on people. Yeah, I mean when

I need to be smart, I
can be. No, no, I

mean, but people are you interesting
because you're like you know your I got

the Shitties podcast, you're stoner.
I've a conserved yeah, but that's the

end of the day. Somehow you
keep you keep you keep getting better and

wealthier and more known. So at
the end of the day, maybe you

weird. What's your secret discipline?
No, my mom praised for me,

so she prays for you. Yeah, they hold on. I don't know,

man, I hold on. Maybe
like that and I'll be your mom

praise for you. My mom praised
for me too, and a lot I

have people, people in prison right
now who have their mom praying for me.

Over understand. So let's let's be
a little more scientific. POOP see

did I've been through it all,
though. Really I've had every job in

the world. My first job was
subway. Yeah, when I was a

junior in high school, yet dropped
out, got my Gd, got a

job junior move. That was in
Missouri. I went to Missouri because I

wasn't going to school and CARLS bad
sophomore year. Dropped out. My mom

was like, Nope, you come
into Missouri to get your Gd because that's

where she's living all the time and
she was actually a GD teacher. So

ged and then fucking subway boom.
I wanted to make money. I wanted

to like get the fuck out,
you know. Yeah, but see this,

now, we're getting to it.
Now we're getting to it. And

then so subway was just like they
put me at the register and it was

lunch rush. Student. They don't
mark the sandwiches, so I was just

getting bum rushed by all these high
school kids and they're all I knew them

all too. So I was embarrassed. Yeah, that I'm working at subway.

Yeah, and they're having fun on
lunch break, fucking pointing fingers,

you know. So I was like
fuck this, I'm to hear. I

quit subway and then I told my
mom. I was like, I got

to go back to California, like
that's where I belong. So I moved

back to California after my junior year. Senior year got a job doing fucking

framing on and La Costa and I
was doing all the track homes there and

I was killing it. I was
like the Labor I'd go up get the

nails for the framers, get the
fucking shot pins for the concrete guys.

You know, all this shit.
Worked hard. He has working hard,

I actually, but I'm saying you, you, you come, and I

never squit though. I never stopped. Yeah, because I knew there's something

in the end. There's something in
the end, like, I'm not going

to stop. So you've always wanted
way more. You've also down a way

more than I have now. I
want the world, but see like so,

like you, maybe a stoner and
all this, but I could see

so much ambition and here there's some
shit going on. Yeah, I want

to fucking but it's patience. But
I love that about your patiency, that

that endears me to you, because
that think you did, think you.

That means a lot to do for
real. But like it's all about patience

too, because it doesn't come in
one day now or one week or one

year. It tastes like ten years
of fucking hard work where you're broke.

Is Fuck going, dude, I'm
waking up. I'm still going to go

surf and make the content and do
what I need to do for my job.

Dude. Somebody asked me. Somebody
said to me you don't quit,

though. That's that was my thing, like, even if you know the

lowest of lows, like you still
got to make that content, because that's

my life, has content. So
I was just like, fucking keep going,

he can't move, and stay humble
and always be yourself. Yeah,

and don't let anyone like try to
distract you or like put you down,

because they're just going through something,
probably because you never know what someone was

going through. You got to put
yourself in their shoes exactly. And then

and then you're like whoakay, step
back a little bit, let's be nicer.

It's not. And that's where,
that's where people see that and they're

like, well, this kid's fucking
kid kept doing it and he's fucking Nice

while he's been doing it the whole
time. This is actually a very heartwarming

moment. There's a sweet golden retriever
of a soul somewhere inside of this man.

That's that's deep too. That's yeah, for sure, but I love

that. I love here all these
moments where, yeah, somebody said to

me, they go, I did
an interview, right, and they said

at the time I had like to
TV shows, had shot my special,

I had a huge podcast. I
was they go, what's here? Success?

What your well like? What?
How do you get successful in Hollywood?

And and I I am I was
like I was probably fifty two and

I was like successful, dude,
I got seven yesses out of here in

twenty five years. For this is
no bullshit. I got seven yeses that

I held out to so tight,
like so tight, and and it's so

that's the I love. Did them
important people? Oh, yeah, but

but I mean I mean when I
say I failed. I quit acting and

then I got the Goldberg's. I
quit. I was like, well,

I suck, this is not going
to happen. Stand up. Never Look,

nothing was going on. I tried
three podcasts before, fighter and a

kid, all that shit. Right. And and so I guess I saw

success when I was in my mid
S and I said, if you want

to be successful on my my the
book, I would write it. I

see me motivation, Bro sit in
traffic. Yeah S, and a lot

of your s cure in the word
know. Over over you get one yes

once while you yeah, you cherish
that little jobs. You're like yes,

what? Yes, what else?
You're at home movie. Yes, you

say that. And I thought to
myself, I was like my success,

it'd be like this. So it
took me twenty five years, twenty seven

years, okay, thirty years.
Damn, if you stood on your front

porch and throw a rock at every
bird that flew by for twenty five years,

you threw a rocket every birth of
floor. I filet dude, hit

probably one or four birds of yeah, maybe, yeah, yeah, but

if the twenty seven years, thirty
years and you took all those birds and

you put them on a wall.
You have a wall full of birds.

Yeah, and if somebody came in
and said, Dude, you're not always

brooks out of the sky with a
stone, you must be the best stone

thrower in the world. No,
motherfucker, I just threw way more stones

and you did every bird that flew
by. That's that's literally how I dispressure.

Because lines the timeline, you know. Yeah, and you only have

so long to capitalize off that,
that moment of your timeline. You know,

I mean, I mean, I've
never heard anyboy saved lifes of timeline,

but I like it. Yeah,
Dude, it is for sure,

because my tattoo on my butt,
yeah, said Timel d yeah, dude,

because so you got to have fun
when you're young. Yep, you

get smarter, you get the street
smarts. You see how everyone's hustling.

You don't want to get hustled,
and then you see that and you like,

Oh fuck, it just turns things
around. And then you see and

then you start, you know,
getting more connected and more connections. Do

you think that you're ads too?
was because they couldn't keep your interest?

Yeah, Dude, because, like
I thought to school, called my mom

and said I was fucking you need
to come down here. I'd just stand

up in class. Yeah, I
was jumping from desk to desk to desk.

So I and I had a Leashan
Shit when I was young. I

was just like, oh, fucking
Jason ells like Shiny Shit, but it

was just like he's either a toy
or something I can drive or something.

What focused you surfing? Yeah,
like not, no focus, like surfing

lost my focus from the whole world. No, that's right. I mean,

but that's but yeah, yeah,
because you forgot about everything around you.

And Yeah, I just wanted to
be at the beach and smoke joints

and drink beers and they all the
boys and the waves. So I want

to I want to ask you about
your stand up comedy. I loved it,

Dude, complicated apes. Yes,
sir, fucking took me an hour

to type it in the youtube thing, but I fucking got it finally,

after four days. I finally vicking
got an especial brand profit made nineteen come

no way, made nineteen brand.
Fuck, yeah, I'm not. It's

good too. It's a good hour. Yeah, I'm down, but I

loved how you said the celebrities.
They go to Ken Yeah, Oh,

yeah, to go adopt their favorite
they're black kids and did they can go

straight to the fucking hoods south central
and get Jamal all out of real they're

gotta that's what I'm going to do. I'M gonna go get Jamal out here.

Be An American black baby. It's
got to be a fucking baby Ethiopia,

because they're fautiful, looks cool.
Yeah, are you saving Africa to

yeah, no, thanks a lot, Dr No, hell, you're taking

the kids from his family that doesn't
speak English. Yeah, and then he's

going to be eight foot tall in
the fucking pictures. So you gotta get

the fucking wide zoom out, correct. You gotta Wide Zoom, because I

can't like Whiley, which is like
that. It's back in to sit I

thought that was a great thing too. I D you know, class of

that black people in the audience,
but that's it was fun. It was

like church. They're relating, freaking
out because it's so true. Did yeah,

the white celebrities. There's nothing.
And what north being more than white

celebrities pretending, trying to prove to
the world how racist they're not? And

another thing, you regular America's yeah, I love black people, like Madonna's

whole family's black. It's like she's
queasy. We know. Yeah, we

know that you're not racist. So
white and the seven black people. Yeah,

the fuck out of here. Did
yeah, it's fucking funny. I'M

gonna go get you off from the
streets. Yeah, when I become or

if you're going to be an Africa
and you want to, you want to

adopt a baby, go to Senecal. They're the best people I've ever seen

in my life. Right, it's
Africa, Shit, Senegal, to the

best looking, most muscular people I've
ever seen in my fucking life. That's

where I'm going for sure. And
I like the one where he's trying to

find a sitter and you found that
hot ass chick. Oh, yeah,

that's a true all that Shit's true
story. I know. I love it.

Did you end up? No,
dude, like my girl up,

my my wife, my ex wife, is was gorgeous, right. Yeah,

so she was never threatened by anybody
because she was like, you know,

she would for share, turnheads.
Yeah, I love that. So

she brings this this like this woman
who was like, I don't know,

she was like black, Chinese and
white, most sweet, make sure,

black and yes, a crazy mix, and she had like she dressed.

She was dressed in could or clothing, HMM, and she just was all

fancy. Yeah, spoke in a
French accent and I was like, you

out of your fucking mind. I'm
not having this. Run away. You

gotta raise my baby, no way. Yeah, no, yeah, it's

too much that. She was funny, though. Did I watched the last

night show? Was Funny. Thank
you, Bro Yeah, you got to

see them this special. I'm fucking
I can't wait. Did come down?

I'll get you. I've been yeah, do. We got it? So

still I'm going. I'll put you
on the list, but sick, dude.

Yeah, the last how many thing
I did was in San Diego.

It was a stand up club,
super just like raw and like ten minutes.

I had ten minutes. Nice,
but it kind of I kind of

let. I had a story,
but I had like my breakins, two

of other stories. So and then
at the end it came together. I

think that's a great way to start, by telling a story. Oh for

sure, that's how I do like
I'm a storytell it. Come up,

comedian. Yeah, you should be
yeah, I can't wait to do it

again. We got to do it
again. I don't know. Good,

I gotta like tell my agent or
something to get me in some shows.

I start by just yeah, just
keep you don't need to be performing.

Just be put before like keep writing, perform. Yeah, from the Mirror

always. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I got Steve O Speaker and

it has a microphone on it,
so I've been doing that. Just,

yeah, just, I'M gonna go
to this like empty Ambia theater and oceanside.

No one goes there. It's a
huge empty theater on the beach and

just post up and see how many
people I can get. That's interesting.

I'll be pretty cool. Video.
All right, when if you show up,

dude, they'd be like what you
of a thousand fucking the whole call

seems full. You take your you're
doing anything, and I just take the

MIC. Let me take this from
here. Yeah, here. And then

like I put on Echo, like
the Beatles. Yeah, yeah, Echo,

and I'm just like and then I
think about airplane food. Hey,

Gars, yeah, it cross what
airplane food jokes? Dude, there's not

even air plane food anymore. They're
fucking snacks. They Li you love it.

You know, a little tin all
say. Dude, you know,

it's funny. I was with my
friend last night, Max. He's a

big Fan. He's an airline pilot, nice and he goes. Dude.

I was like, I'm going to
be with him tomorrow, like you.

Any questions for me? Go he
goes. Just tell him that. Ask

Him if he's in love, if
he wants to fuck himself. Yes,

I do. He live. Is
He in love with himself? You know,

the truth is no. The truth
is, I've never the I think

part of being a comic is having
a good sense of self loathing. I

don't like myself. Okay, Gol
Fuck me. I can't believe my girl

likes me. My Fan said,
like she's stuck. I think she's hot

as fuck, but she's also thirty
two and I'm like, hall the fuck,

are you interested? Are you?
Yeah, old man, but are

you more like a kid? Like
brain, though, like kids soul.

Yeah, I'm Peter Pant. Yeah, Dude, I'm Peter Pan to dude.

We can't fuck with the lost boys, and the lost boys did.

My bad. Is that title?
But my special before complicated as was called,

never grow up. Oh fuck yeah, but I mean that's it's it's

true. So I call it gram
life, gram life. So gram is,

I guess, a kid, but
it's they grew up by the beach,

I guess. Surf, Surf Kid. And the GROMS make fun of

the frock the throgs, or the
drums make fun of the trogs, the

truck. The grams are calling the
chicks truck and GROMS. Yeah, yeah,

cross, maybe Sam, yeah,
out of the trucks. Yeah,

sorry, girls, but you are. Yeah, that's the you'd be like

an older guy, like an older
surfer dude. I bet that. Guys

say, guys, I gotta go
surf some tubes, I gotta go fucking

hit some tubes because I'm sponsored by
boy in the tube. Now you'd be

like you better go here to better
go. Fucking Jack has some Sushi from

severn right now. Yeah, I
you're not surfing on this afternoon. Heavy

peace, guys, listen, take
your eyes off my piece. You croms

better stop fucking with the truck rocks. Yeah, yeah, fuck, I'm

so old, I forgot. I
forgot the nickname girls. Yeah, yeah,

no, thes. My voice is
like this. I'm like playing an

older guy. I had the older
guy. Yeah, for sure, I

could see you being like it,
a surfer. Yeah, I wish,

Dude. I didn't come to I
didn't go to school in in La because

I knew I'd never leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what happened

to me. Dude. It'll take
your whole life away, but it's a

good thing. It's a good lifestyle. We gotta get you surf and,

dude, it's so sick. I'd
love to try. Well, we'll take

you out. I'll take you out. Just get out there. I'm gonna

get when, when the conditions are
good and the waves are good, and

you just hear me, I'd go
like this. I go Colislonga, whoopsie,

Yo, take that. Yeah,
yeah, and I go go what

the fuck right? Who the Goosh, Shit, dude, night, jump

up, I'm staying Lope, but
bottom turned bottom. And then what?

You don't realize that? They you're
behind me, you're on my back.

Yeah, I got your gap back, like you can't do that. Go

Watch me, and then I hob
on your back and then it barrels and

then we're in the barrel together.
Fuck, yeah, dude, fucking dolphins

are like popping out here and I'm
like this, they're my friends, of

us. What the fuck. I'm
just like, yeah, you have snacks,

dolphins, snacks for him, snack
because I catch flying fish on food.

Yeah, yeah, and then I
surf like this. Yeah, that's

how I'll showing your back and then
hang tens and my back, Bro.

Yeah, and you're like there's plenty
of real estate. God, your back

goes on for days, day,
day, and then we finally the Barrels

Indiana that it spits a bunch of
spray, but you can't see shit.

Ja and all I take all that
to my back so you don't feel it.

It feels like needles to your back. When the wave spaces with their

new drummer are on the beach playing
my yeah music and there's a fucking monster

girls. They're waiting for us with
trophies, waiting there, and they're like

these clothes are two walking hot yea. And now they're all naked. We're

like, you girls aren't Rumm.
No, yeah, yeahs fucking Bro.

Where the GROMS? Bock Bro?
So we got the hot shit like this

is like this. Oh Fuck,
like you, that's have horns. No,

this fucking horns. Jash shot,
because you got like brock. Put

Your Horn down. Yeah, Dude, Helloha vibes. Yeah, but maybe

this is our gang, which is
fucking we hang yeah, unless you fuck

with us. Yeah, and then
the guns come out. You don't fuck

with us, then you're not hanging
loose. fucking get your coat here.

What you got it new? Fucking
yeah, dude, I can't wait to

get on the wing. Yeah,
those fucking tubes now was like the best

wave I've ever freaking analyzer there,
for Real, where would we be?

We'd be in Tehit on that way. He did the hate. We beat

the Haitians. Fuck, fuck,
yeah, the boys are got us,

got our back there. I wish
I had long hair. I'm losing it.

I would put beads in my hair
all I wanted to. Kind of

hair you can put beads. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I heard

so, though. You got some
good hair. Huh? Yeah, dude,

luckily, my brother's bald, though, young man, hold, are

you thirty five? Yeah, you
guys still got you got youthful hair.

That you got A kid's hair.
Yeah, somehow my brother's bald, like

fully bald. Yeah, so,
my dad. So I got the good

gene. My got my mom's side. I think of the hair I want,

the kind of skin that doesn't need
sons on block, but the kind

of hair I can put beats in. Duty. Yeah, arm beads,

you need long arm hair. Sing
it arm BEA. I want a longer

femur bone. I don't like the
really short. Yeah, I want a

longer up. Yeah, just so
when I wear shorts, you tell the

doc meet in my thigh. Yeah, you tell the DOC. Grab the

FEMUR, extend to think stender.
Yeah, Hey, doc, make my

femur bigger. He goes, it's
not possible and I go you sure,

Bro. Yeah, we shotcase.
Which we here? We can be here

about that. Yeah, for sure. Say. Yeah, which one you

want? Me At? Me,
this one, me and my friend Poopsie,

and that I'll come in hot.
Can Call Him Poopsie and you'll get

this. Yeah, I'm the only
one. was a load length. That

are fucking legs, Jack, yeah, for Real, O killing. Yeah,

yeah, DOC Lud been in with
you. Let's go, Dude.

I have I got a living like
a container, dude, but you can

sleep next to Meva live in a
container. I do Dade Sleep and I

had a sexual way like you like
Oh yeah, yeah, I'll sleep your

feet. Yeah, I don't give
a fuck to travel the world. I

see with my friends. Not Like
sleepom either. I'll show you my peace

and will you travel the world?
I mean I lived all over the world.

Let's say, where's your favorite spot? Lebanon? Lebanon, whether there's

the is an next to the ocean? Lebanon. It's on the ocean.

FIAH BE. What? What countries
are Coral Beach? Coral Beach, Lebanon.

Lebanone is in Beirut, which is
essentially a was a Phoenician port.

So Lebanon, I'm sorry, Beirut
is the city in Lebanon and Lebanon is

a country. And so Lebanon is
in the Middle East. Okay, okay,

yeah, I've heard of it.
Yep. Is that like the the

Mediterranean? Okay, the Mediterranean,
all that Shit's a big dring close there.

It's all you know. Board look
it up. Look up what the

border countries. But I think is
real borders Lebanon. It's it. It's

all you know. Lebanon has been
a tortured country, but a beautiful country.

I bet the culture. Yeah,
a lot of curry. Sure,

borders. Let me see if I
can remember, I've been to like I've

been on last side, but only
like. I think it's Syria, but

it might be serious and see Lebanon
very similar. Are Back to Egyptian Arabic,

because it's very close to Egypt.
Sick. Yeah, so it's a

it's a real place of historical it's
got the best night life in the world.

Really was that? Yep, some
of the most beautiful women. See,

I need to go there. I'm
some of them. That's looking people

in the world. They're damned.
Did a great culture. Party, they

party, they're they're great people.
If you got to Lebanon, they'll take

you in like your family. WHO'S
WHO borders Lebanon? Ryan? Serial are

right, Israel. I was right. Jordan. Of course, I should

have known that. Well, I've
seen Israel commercials. It looks sick.

That's another place to do you.
It looks want to talk about the best

o the women in the world might
very well be. I mean, let's

be honest, God's country, PA. It's Columbia. Yeah, I agree,

Columbia, let's be honest, but
up and then and then Miami,

but, but, but, but, but, no, but, I

mean the best looking women in the
world might very well be from in in

Lebanon and in Israel and probably in
Syria, even though it's war. Torrio,

travels are bro you won't be sorry. I'M gonna so. Hopefully I've

F Little Sey at least. Man, there's some beautiful places in the middle

I bet when I have enough money
I can just go there and relax and

chill. Ball out. You're never
going to chill and you never never relax.

Take Okay, I'm gonna ball out. there. Want to, but

yeah, it well, you'll stir
if you could serve. Yeah, there,

way, there, there's way.
I think there must be. Fuck,

I got to go on a swell. Then, do you think we

could freaking maybe facetime someone? Yeah, let's be big fan of a big

fan of Jonah Hill. I Love
Johane. You think you you can face

time? He see, in fact, when Jonah Hill met me once,

he was I'm a fan. He
said that once. I only met him

once. I swear to God,
shut up. Really Randy works with them

than you know. No, I'm
a huge fan. See if you have

number? No, I don't have
a nice shot out. Yeah, that's

good. No, I don't have
his number. I mean I you know

Jonah Hill. If you're watching this, which you obviously aren't, reach out

to poppies. He brings you up
constantly. What do you want to facetime?

Have anybody famous near Steve? Oh, let's facetime Seevo. That's the

the went for. I missed Stevo. Yeah, let's facetime on. Dude,

he's the man. Twenty percent.
He's probably sleeping because he's on tour.

Maybe, but we'll see. He's
freaking on the east coast. Maybe

sleeping. Bro Oh, he sleeps. You know, hours ahead the East

Coast is? He put me in. He put his number in as emergency

contact. How many hours ahead is? He's years ahead, Dude. Another

how many hours ahead it would you
hit New York is from here? Oh,

fuck, ten hours now. I
mean I think it's three hours before

this convo with Steveo happens. I
hope you can appreciate that. Poopies thinks

the east coast is ten hours ahead. Let's get him up. Three hours.

Yeah, Oh really, yes,
because there's mountain time, Steve Oh,

high logs. Say what's up?
Hi, guys, say what's up

to Brian Collen, Steve O,
nothing, buddy, I'm doing it.

I'm doing poopsy, the podcast,
the greatest podcast ever made, and we

we were singing your praises and he
goes, let's facetime somebody, let's face

time Jonah Hill. I was like, well, I don't have Jonah Hill's

number randomly on my phone, and
he goes, I go, let's talk.

Let's call Steve Oh, since we've
been talking about him. So I

miss you. You're a great person. Yes, on the PODCAST. Yeah,

you're on the box on the right
gas right now. God, I'm

on the PODCAST. I've been on
the road and unable to record by episode

of the Shittiest podcast ever. Yeah, it's so meaningful that I'm able to

make us sneak apparent. Yeah,
when I'm in an Alabama at the moment.

Yeah, you're following. Just grew
by at least ten eleven people.

So this is exciting to yeah,
likeses. Let me tell you frank count

how eternally grateful I am for a
year support over the years. Well,

you're worth it. You're worth it
and your I loved you right away.

So listen, it was it was
easy for me. You're one of the

good guys. I love you.
I appreciate the call and, yeah,

good, good luck that podcast.
Oh, yeah, to be a real

smash head. No, it's it's
a cultural force and it's making a huge

difference, Evo, and and I'm
gonna let you get back to your to

your vigorous looking yeah, and and
make the world the funnier place. So

God blessed, Stevo. All right, I'll yeah, Steve, I love

you, Legend the best. Yeah, he answered. That's how cool he

is. He answered my phone call. It's just yeah, humble, dude.

You know, don't worry, folks, that's not the last time we'll

hear from Stevo on the podcast.
He will be back as a guest.

So please stop asking us we reached
out. Will Happen? Part of being

a good comic is not in realizing
you're not better than your audience. Yep,

you always get yeah, well,
we're not. I mean everyone's equal.

MMM MMM, I think I'm a
little bit until they lie or cheat

you, and then, yeah,
they go down with you. I know

that New York is three hours ahead. I don't know as far as way,

dude, I've only been there once. What's that? What it diamond

dicks in the truck, the grumbs
in the trugs, and then there's the

nugs, like the nuggets. What's
the night? That chick such a Nugg,

like a golden nugget. Yeah,
I love liked that chick. Such

a Nug poops, like you better
pull that one. Wow, that's all,

surfer lingo. Yeah, I nug
Bash. She's such a Nug.

Oh, just fucking wonders. Pump
it so hard you pop knocks. Yeah,

Bro, boopy pumps. Not.
Ye, dude, booby's popping NU.

Yeah, GAI, should this out. Would go? would be like

do poopis pump, pump, such
a Nug, like, dude, poopy,

pull the nug or like you pull
a chick? Language? Yeah,

if you like, have a Jig, or like pulled it, like what

fuck boys, did you pull that
chick last night? Or what? You

pulled that chick then you and chums
it. No, yeah, and she

was a nag and I pumped it. No condom. Fuck to a lot

of feminists watch this show? I
don't know. Hope so, through a

lot of feminist, hardcore feminist.
They they they watch Yoursel Amost, your

merged to hardcore feminist at Berkeley.
Not If they watch it, dude,

if it's just, you know,
real. So they watch it in class

to just like point. Is this
what the problem? Yeah, no,

soft viewer is no soft head,
no soft audience. Went and the with

her for Anti fountast here I get
to avoid. So it's just like a

bike. Bump frogs, it nugs
any other mango. Oh Dude, so

much. Learn a lot, dude. The waves are firing, waves are

firing fo yeah, so many.
We're about to score right now. Score

like the waves. How do you
when you ever hear people, when I

always might not like card Bros,
like they have a saying for when they

came. Dude, I noted everywhere. Well, yeah, yeah, I

made a busted. I bust it
all over everywhere. I fuck. My

buddy goes. Yeah, that I
capped off and I was like hey,

Bro, can you like Jesus Kraj? No, that's get that. So

that's when you lose. You lose
your Ajna, your ash. Now,

yeah, when you fucking release your
load, you release your Ajna. Oh

Really? Yeah, I always say
it's when I get like therapy, I

give someone my essence. Yeah,
yeah, are you bless them? You

earned it. You can bless them
too. Welcome. Yes, you're blessed

you, but I blessed you.
Yeah, the blessed scene. Dude.

We give these chicks blessings. Yeah, my buddies got Diamond Dick. So,

you know, they're like they love
it, d just like your dikes

perfect. I know it's so warring. Yeah, you're funny and your Dick

is perfect and whatever. Yeah,
now they're understanding. Like before I wasn't

getting laid at all, but now, oh, nowaday figuring out. The

words getting around that I have a
diamond Dick to dude. That's the first

thing I said you. It's like
perfect size, perfect round is. It's

got a heavy it's got a head, it doesn't go too deep, you

know, doesn't hurt. It's got
a chickuida banana curl. Yeah, it's

got a belly. But yeah,
Diamond Dick's do we need to make a

sure Diamond Dick? I'm in Dick
Diamond diamond shape piss holes. Shit,

is a little thing about us.
We got a couple of diamond shape this

there'sure, hanging heavy, hang heavy, true in American. Well, this

has been great. Yeah, Dude, is really fun. Covered a lot

of ground. Yeah, I guess
anymore. I might be the greatest.

Thanks, Dude. Yeah, I
try, man, I'm getting better.

You will get better. I will
get it. Yeah, we I got

to come on your podcast anytime.
I'll be stove. I'd love to get

you on there for fuck. Yeah, Brian. Fuck. Final question.

Question. Who, who I need
to suck? Who's Dick do I need

to suck to get into this fucking
stand up shit? No, one's just

become undeniable. Okay, I mean
mine, obviously, but no, but

I suck Diamond Dick. So,
yeah, just died him. I'm always

here to for you know. Yeah, anyway, I can cool. Well,

fuck, maybe I could do like
a standup comedy, some Shit.

I don't know. Throw you up
on stage, did I'll be pumped real,

for real. Okay, I got
some good shot there by joy jokes.

Yeah, maybe, maybe we'll.
Maybe, when I'm will figure out

what my real, actual is.
That's my question. I'll bring you out,

sick, mom, I'm sighed.
Did we fin? You're a legend,

dude, for Real, Dud,
real guy. Right here's a real

fucking human dude. My pleasures,
got a big heart, and you guys,

I'm honored to have them on the
poopies podcast, shitties podcast. Ever,

we're going to wrap it up.
Thank you, guys for watching.

Stay tuned next week. I don't
know who we're going to have on.

I'll be in Mexico, but maybe
a zoom shit or some shit. But

yeah, thank you guys for watching. Subscribe up here and watch the ladies

video up here. We're signing out
late. Go to bed, grums.

Thanks for tuning in everyone. Like
I said at the beginning of this episode,

we're going to keep this thing going. Stay Shitty and let us know

in the comments if you learned anything
today. Poopies gave us a lot of

new Lingo Tadd to word vocabulary,
but I think that it might be in

everyone's best interest if we don't.
No pumping, no truck training or no

grim bashing is necessary outside of the
shittiest podcast. The shittiest podcast is produced

by the world's worst people, Tyler
Nielsen, Brian Tillotson Frank Trisco, and

narrated by me, the narrator.
Special thanks to the Straw hat team.
The Shittiest Podcast w/ Poopies
This podcast is indescribably sh*tty, but we’ll take a stab at describing it. Riding high on the success of Jackass Forever, Poopies wanted to make a podcast for all... View More




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