The Shittiest Podcast w/ Poopies : Johnny Knoxville

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In our first episode of The Shittiest Podcast w/ Poopies, we have one of Poopies' all-time heroes, Johnny Knoxville. 

Produced by Tyler Nielsen & Ryan Tillotson

Written By Frank Driscoll

From Straw Hut Media 

The Shittiest Podcast w/ Poopies
This podcast is indescribably sh*tty, but we’ll take a stab at describing it. Riding high on the success of Jackass Forever, Poopies wanted to make a podcast for all of his adoring fans. The only problem is that Poopies is, without a doubt, the worst podcast host in the entire world. Straw Hut Media felt bad for the guy, so we decided to take a risk and create THE SHITTIEST PODCAST. Just like Poopies, this podcast is a little bit all over the place, and each week you can expect a range of topics like chicks, dicks, surfing, Hawaii, stunts, music, skating, comedy, and a whole lot of other shenanigans. So now that you know what you’re getting yourself into, dive on into THE SHITTIEST PODCAST.  Produced By: Tyler Nielsen & Ryan Tillotson Written By Frank Driscoll & Tyler Nielsen  Narrated By Narrator From Straw Hut Media 

Episode transcripts

All right, okay, cool,all right, you guys hide all this
shit. Oh hello, well,poopies hides all that Shit. Let me
introduce myself. I'm not poopies andthis is not the poopies podcast as originally
advertised. It's a long story,so I'll give you the clips notes.
poopies wanted to make a podcast,just like everyone else. Ever, on
paper, poopy seemed like a greatpodcast host, with his vast experience in
film, his long list of famousfriends, his athletic prowess, his many
exciting travel stories and his easygoing,zero fucks given attitude. Turns out you
shouldn't judge a book by its cover. In reality, poopies is arguably one
of the worst podcasts hosts in theentire world. Preparedness, depth of story
and show structure are foreign concepts tothis man. He should be permanently banned
from podcast hosting, but Straw hutmedia felt bad for the guy, so
we've decided to try and make itwork. We rebranding the show as the
shittiest podcast, because even if thispodcast makes us look stupid, at least
the title tells the truth. So, now that you know what you're getting
yourself, into join me, thenarrator. That's raw hut media, hired
to try to salvage poopies attempt athosting the shittiest podcast in the world.
But I got some questions for you. Okay, glad to see you're prepared.
Well, yours together for popies byfreaking got in, so good.
Just whoo to h huge barrel.Oh that's sweet. Yeah, I was
sick. I was stoked the shittiestpodcast in the world. Let's begin.
We're all podcast begin with an introduction. All right, you guys. Welcome,
welcome. Today we have a very, very, very, very very
special guest, Johnny Knoxville. Sincepuppies didn't prepare a bio for Knoxville,
will give you a brief background.Johnny Knoxville is an American stunt performer,
actor and filmmaker. He's best knownas a CO Creator and star of the
MTV reality stunt show Jackass, whichare for three seasons from two thousand to
two thousand and two. A yearlater, Knoxville and his costars returned for
the first installment in the jackass filmseries, with a second and third installment
being released in two thousand and sixand two thousand and ten respectively. Jackass
forever is released in two thousand andtwenty two, which he said will be
his final contribution to the jackass franchise. Hey, POOPI's, how you doing,
buddy? Let's up. Did Ican't believe you're in white. Vodcast
do this is sick. Here Iam. Did you? Did you prepare
for the interview, or did you, I know, wing it. I
freelanced it. Yeah, I wingedit. You weren't studying my bio today
and think you have good questions.I did, actually I did. I
got some for you. Okay,like I see you're prepared. Yeah,
but I got some questions for you. I just gotta find them. You're
about to hear poopy's stall for timewhile he searches for those questions he claims
to have prepared. How is howis Germany? Oh, it was good.
We promoted Jack Ass forever over thereand kind of lost my voice promoting.
That's that's good. That means loading, that means you did a good
job. Real number one of POOPI'slaws of the universe. In order to
do a good job, one mustn'tfind one's voice, one must lose one's
voice. Jeff actudentally got lit onfire a couple times in the bars.
Oh, no way, yeah,epic. Yeah, Sig, I saw
you guys were cruising in that.Some old school car you have was a
East German car that they made intoa stretch limo too. Yeah, so
it's made plastic. No Way,oh my God, that's safe. Yeah,
well, safe enough. Yeah,for sure, that's sick. Mid
Conversation, puppies has finally found theinterview questions on his phone, so he
needs to find a way to naturallysegue into them without being too a brought.
There's a couple questions for you.Knocks. Did you write these yourself
or these is there from ex girlfriend? Oh, how long has she been
your x? For a while,member, when we are talking a lot.
But you still talk to her?Or she really these questions a long
time ago? No, no,I still talked to her. These are
just these were May. These cameup today. These because she a writer
on this show. No, butshe thinks she might get hired. This
is the first time we were hearingabout hiring POOPI's exgirlfriend. Please take anything
this man says with a grain ofsalt. Let's see. Let's see what
what we think of the questions.But yeah, I remember that member,
that chick, when I was tellingyou about where I shoot, I broke
her heart. There were me andSteve O was sat down after poopies.
I get so many photos of girlsfrom you there is no way to remember.
I know, I know, allright. Um, anyways, okay,
first question. Okay, what kindof kid were you growing up?
Were you always wild? This isactually a great question. In podcasting we
often like to start with the guestsorigin story. Huge thanks to poopy's acts
for this one. I guess Iwas a little rambunctious when I was little.
I had asthma really bad, soI was in the hospital a lot.
So I but I played all thesports like basketball, baseball, football,
but every now and then I'd haveto go to hospital because my wheezy.
Yeah, that also I was eithergoing full bore or had to come
to a complete stop. Fuck it, as Mustnari. Yeah, well,
it's okay, I'm doing okay,I know, I know. I just
saw my friend had asthma and hewould always have to he couldn't like do
a lot of sports and stuff likethat, like you're saying, like yeah,
limited him from yeah, I trynot to let it limit I mean,
I don't know what his degree ofasthma was, probably worse than mine,
but I didn't want to your kidand I didn't want it to be
limited by it. Yeah, becauseI didn't even think about I was like,
okay, this is one thing I'mdealing with and I'll deal with it
the best I can, because youwhen your kids, you don't. I
didn't think about like, Oh,this is going to limit me. You
try to work around that kind ofthing. Okay, yeah, yeah,
for sure. Yeah, sort ofout of nowhere, boobies remembers his favorite
thing, surfing. So naturally hehijacked the conversation like the stellar host that
he is. I went to Lahoyafor this last well and we serve this
reef slab and no one can getinto it because they're on short boards,
and I had the big eight footlog jackass board, but I freaking got
in so good. Just foom,too huge barrel. Oh, that's sweet.
Yeah, I was sick. Iwas stoked. Yeah, but I've
been using that board you guys gaveme. So how was it not surfing
for a while after? Do LongDid you go without surfing after the shark
biting accident, but I won't likesix months, maybe five months. And
that was the worst too, becauseit happened in May and then all summer
long I was in my room justchilling and their south swells going off.
I was like freak. I waslike so I just really couldn't really look
at my phone or anything. Likecan look at the boys stories or anything,
because they're all on surf trips andShit, and I was like stuck
in my bed. In surfing likehelps you relax and like evens you out,
like it helps me for sure,Dude. And so were you doing
anything during those six months to replacethat? I mean I'd go and check
the waves. I was all Icould do. Pretty much. Is just
no other kind of exercise or UMmasturbation. Jerking it. Stale fish.
Yeah, stellfish, and I'd trythe stranger that I called the stranger now
because I can't feel half of it. Stranger is poopis happed. He was
attacked by a shark and can onlyfeel half of his hand now. So,
yeah, I try the stranger andhow that go? It could I
couldn't do it really. Yeah,I was weird. It just wasn't it
just didn't feel right. Small aboutthe leverage? Right? Yeah, yeah,
the leverage. No, yeah,this is weird. Yeahs couldn't get
it really, but yeah, but, yeah, it's surfings like my passion.
And I seen that you've been,sir, you started surfing. Yeah,
yeah, I haven't been surfing fora little bit, but I love
it. Yeah, you know,I've only been surfing like three years and
I'm terrible, but I love it. Yeah, I got away for that
warm water. Yeah, it's oldwater here. Yeah, they'll cord water
sucks, dude. And I'm ina forthree like, even if it's ninety
degrees, I'm in a three wetsuitbecause I can't take the cold. Yeah,
unprompted, poopy suddenly realizes he forgotJohnny's birthdays. Today, today's your
birthday. Yeah, today. Yeah, happy birthday, thanks, poops.
How do I not know that?I don't know. I think there's a
little few things. It might escapeyou, but that's okay. Fuck,
Dude, I'm I feel so bad. Don't worry about it. What is
today? Happy fucking birthday, didman, dude, fifty, fifty one
hundred and fifty one. Yea HolyShits, Thee Eleventh. So it's march
eleven. You're right, poopies.Damn, yeah, I'm gonna Fuck Dude.
I'm sorry that no, happy birthday. D Oh, thanks, poopy's.
Why didn't anyone's put anything on thegroup text? I don't know,
I don't know. I'm want toput Oh, I see it now,
want to put it right now.Happy Birthday, knoks. Oh well,
you texted me right now and thegroup message. Yeah, Legend at a
moment of clarity, poppies remembers thatthis is a podcast and he's here to
host it, which means he needsto get back to his questions. So,
if you had a passion, whatwould it be like? What?
Outside of work? Yeah, mykids. Yeah, yeah, because if
I'm in town, I just,you know, just cruise with the kids.
Yeah, that's what's up. Iseen that. I saw that about
you and I that's freaking awesome.Dude. Yeah, they're the most fun.
It's so sad. I want somekids one day. Dude. Well,
you keep going the way you're going, you're going to have a few.
I'm waiting for one. Screaming JayHawkins had seventy five shut I think
you can top that. No,hope. Seventy five kids. I would
have to start when I was likethirteen. That's crazy. Here, there's
all the same way. No Way, I'm kidding about the same way.
I was gonna say, Holy Shit. Oh, I believed you first.
I need everything. So your pathand outside to work as your kids.
Yes, that's awesome. And theys surfing to yeah, they serve for
the skateboard. Sick and Rocco playsbaseball. I helped coach his team.
Say. Yeah, yeah, sodon't give him any special treatment because he's
because, you know, it's Imean it's all the kids get treated the
same. Yeah, for sure.Yeah, so that's all. Love that.
Yeah, when I was little Ialways wanted my parents to be the
coach, but they're always busy workingand stuff without that's awesome. Yeah,
can we go look at another question? Yeah, okay. At his wits
end, Johnny Knoxville has no otherchoice but to take over the job of
podcast host by hijacking the conversation andpivoting to part five of this episode.
The EX girlfriend, and this isfrom your ex girlfriend, from my ex
girlfriend. She's what's the chance ofreconciliation? What's that mean? Reconciliation,
the restoration of friendly relations. Sorry, what's the chance of you guys getting
back together? I don't know,it's I don't know. Now let's watch
poopies attempt to take back the roleof host with this doozy of a question.
Let's see what I'll sea gave usfor a question. What is your
favorite jackass memory from filming over theyears? HMM, my favorite memory,
I don't know, like a specificlike people ask me about a favorite bit.
You know, HMM, could havebeen off camera, on camera.
Yeah, yeah, but I willsay that with this just jumped in my
head and I don't know it's myfavorite memory, but it's one of them.
It was on the first day ofJackass D and first of all,
Bam and Ryan Dunne called the policeon air and said there was a stalker
on set. Shut the fuck anda police helicopter came over and Arran ran
into the woods. Yeah, likehe had done something. Yeah, and
then we finally started filming. Pantihas had a knife and it in and
he was trying to stab Aaron andthis was like we had a d crew,
like we have a whole separate crewin Jeff is like senny in front
of a monitor with headphones, butwe can't shoot because Pontius is trying to
stab Aaron, and so I haveto go over to jeff and I'm like,
Jeff, Pannie's just trying to stabAaron, and Jeff gets up and
he takes off the headphones. He'slike fuck, Pontius, come here,
give me the night by he's likegive me the night okay, and then
we can go back to film me. That's me. Yeah, some aaren
really took it on the Chin thatfirst day. Ha. That's awesome.
Partis loves his Nice Yeah, andhatchets, hatchits, I remember. We
are makes them. Yeah, we'reon set and he brought a hatchet that
he made. Yeah, and heknows all about the history of the knives
and the hatchets and you'll walk youthrough it. That's not it. A
little so all right. I rememberhe came to the beach to play with
Rocko and Arlod did him and makehim to play with Rocko and Arlove my
kids, and he had his hatchetson them and he had some twine where
he made a sling shot twine andsome sticks and he had things for him
to shoot. That's so think.WHO DOES THAT RADIUS? Yeah, mcguiver.
We'd like to take a moment hereto congratulate poppies on knowing what mcguiver
means. Poppies has just earned hisfirst gold star. will be telling those
all season. He mcguiver, justslink shot. Yeah, or was it
a bow and Arrow? is abow and Arrow like overways crazy. That's
so funny. He whittled the arrows. Now let's hear knoxville effortlessly steal back
the hosting role. And what wereyou like as a kid growing up,
poppies? Dude, I was freakingwild Bro like and kindergarten, I guess
I was. I don't even rememberthis, my mom told me. I
guess I was in school and Iguess I just got up out of my
my seat one day and started jumping, got on the desk, on top
of the desk, started jumping fromdesk to desk to desk. That's pretty
good. Yeah, so, andthat's when I got diagnosed with adhd oh.
Really when? Yeah, you couldn'tsit still. Yeah, that that
stayed with you all of school andthe little kind of things. Did they
put you on any kind of medication? Yeah, so I started taking riddling
when I was in like kindergarten.Right. It was nine pills a day.
Nine pills, three milligram. Ihave no clue, but it was
like zero in the morning, threeat launch and then three at night every
day for like fucking thank you yousleep. I could sleep, but it
was just fuck. I was justalways like focused or like, I don't
know quite I take it. I'dbe all quiet, you know, I'd
like I'd like clam up kind of. Yeah, it's weird how they give
you speed for hyperactivity. Yeah,dude, it was a way I understand
it is like a part of yourbrain that calms you down is not working,
so they give you speed to likeamp you up, to wake that
part of the brain up. Soit's like, Oh, Oh, I
forgot my job. A better calmyou down right, but I don't know.
Yeah, I'm no doctor, Dude. I honestly I freaking hated take
I hated taking it in how longdid you take it? Dude? I
took it from kindergarten to like thirdgrade. And why'd you come up of
it? And third great, becauseI would just I would take it and
I wouldn't be myself you know,and then I remember not taking it and
I'd be wild and freaking awesome andyou know what I mean. And then
some my mom like take your pillsand I'm like fuck, these pills did
in. So you decided in thirdgrade you were taking them anymore or you
here? Yeah, I did.Yeah, I would. I would like
wait for them to go away andthen like throw them away, you know.
But so they thought you were takingthe thought I was taking how long
did that go on? Maybe liketill my junior year of high school?
No, no, no, Iprobably did that from like it was like
third grade, I think, tolike fifth fifth grade, I think,
in between their in then fifth grade, fifth grade, I I just gave.
I started giving to my brother tosell. So how long did you
take them? In? Your parentsthought you were taking them for like six
months, from third grade to fifthgrade. Rule number two of these laws
of the universe avoid math at allcosts. Oh, I was no,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Ihadn't honestly, I'm trying to think.
I don't even remember how right.Honestly, I don't even remember how long.
was there ever a decision by yourparents? Okay, you don't have
to take him anymore. No,they just found out wasn't taking them and
then they're like you need to takeyour pills, and then I get back
on them. And then that's whenI my brother was in high school and
he started selling them. How muchwas he making off of them? I
think like five bucks each or someshit. And did he cut any money
to you? No, no,how could? How did you negotiate?
I didn't. He all just liketake these things, I don't want them,
and he's like I okay, likeI can sell them. I was
like fine, sell them, butyeah, I didn't get any money.
No half seas, no ABS.He's well, you are sweet man.
Yeah, do you have any brothersor sisters? Have two older sisters.
Oh No, yeah, yeah,eight and ten years older. Nice to
day. Did they toughen you upwhen you're a little? Yeah, yeah,
they they they spoiled me, butthey also like would throw me around
and all their friends would. Youknow, in high school, like I
was programmed to do whatever my sistersor their friends or my father told me
to do. You know, likeyeah, three or four I'd walk in
a room and all the men wouldcover up their nuts because my father would
always put me to hitting people,up to hiding people in the nuts shut
I was in assassage, and that'sfilthy smood. Dudes in your blood,
the filthiest mouth for years up justswear, like terrible, filthy poems I
would tell and where filthy jokes.Know where they be? Like, Johnny,
say this, yeah, and thenI didn't you know, they'd had
me tell jokes that I didn't knowwhat. Yeah, I mean just,
yeah, you just know why itwas bunker hill so slick, why the
British were coming. You know,I was like yeah, four or five
telling people that jokes and then I'dbe like I don't get it, and
then they'll be more like yeah,that's so good. But I was a
like mean kid when I was likebefore kindergarten. Really I was a but
just not like mow spirited, justlike Anri know. I was just put
up to do. I was theirplaything and they are. Yeah, have
they made things? They had funwith you. Yeah, I remember like
going to Chattanooga to my cousin's houseand one of the guys, Zippyl,
was really into wrestling and he wouldpile drive me all the time. No
Way. Yeah, it's stick hishead, my head between his legs,
just on the ground and boom.I remember a couple times like it would
my bell would be wrong. I'dsee stars, I bet you so.
So, yeah, you got yougot brought up not in the most nicest
environment. No, it was,I mean. But then also they would,
you know, all the my sister'sgirlfriends would always pick at me all
the time. So I love that. Yeah, yeah, for sure,
I know it was. I thoughtit was great to be able to act
up as much as I did,but my mom didn't like when I did
that, so I had to liketemper it around her. Yeah, that's
awesome. Yeah, I remember.Was Your Dad working all the time?
Yeah, he owned the Tire Company. Oh Nice, so, but I
mean he worked all day, veryhard job, you know, very lot
of manual labor, for sure,but he would come home and like he
was always at every my mom anddad, I don't think ever missed a
baseball game or a basketball gamer footballgame. I did. They always drove
me to practices all time. Iwas going to travel team in baseball and
like travel around the south to playbaseball sick and yeah, they were always
in the stands and super support ofthat way. That's awesome. Yeah,
yeah, parents are awesome. Iknow you gotta really take advantage of them
while they're while are still here.For sure should. We are your old
manner close right. Oh, dude, me and my pops are freaking like
brothers did. He's from New Yorkand so he still has that New York
mentality, you know, like yeah, I don't give a fuck. You
know he don't. He doesn't givea fuck. Like what part of York
he grew up in? And along island and then, but you grew
up in Missouri. So I wasborn in Riverside because my mom was a
valley girl in San Ardino Valley.So my mom was a valley girl.
My Dad was in the military mand he was a door guy at this
bar in Sanbordino and they done they'dclose the bar and have have chicks after
hours. So he goes up tomy mom. He Goes Hey, you
want to stay after you know,and hang out? She goes yeah,
I'll stay after. So they closethe bar down and then he invited my
mom to come hang out after hoursand that's how they met and the rest
is history. And the rest ishistory. What service was in. He
was in the Marines, right.Yeah, he was a mechanic, a
jet mechanic. HMM. Yeah,so he was always just trying to fix
all the engines and get them goingand stuff. But yeah, he actually
went to England and they got thefirst double seeded Harrier, so you know,
the hairy like this takes off,like yeah, so that's what he
worked on. Wow. So,yeah, they flew him over to to
England to put together the two seaterand fly back. That's great. Yeah,
yeah, it's pretty cool stuff.I say. He's got pictures of
them in the Harriers, like it'spretty sick shit now. But did he
continue working in aviation after you gotout of the military? Yeah, he
got out of the military and thenhe actually, I think he started doing
a lot bunch of drugs and shitand fucking kind of like we kind of
lost them for a while, right, and then he got a shit together
and then I remember he's like gettingout of jail or something. He worked
out the San Diego Airport and hewas a fuel tanker and he'd call us
when he's at the at the endof the the takeoff and he'd be calling
us at the end like yeah,I'm just at the end boys watching this
plane takeoff San Diego. I waslike we want to go to San Diego.
Right. So that's when. Canyou say what he was in jail
for? He got to do.I never paid for it. Right.
So he now. Long was heaway from you? Well, he was
away from us for a while.He would be like off and on,
you know, like he I don'tknow, he was probably part he was
partying, you know, he justhe's a party guy and he would he'd
tell us, hey, we're goingto come get you on the whet,
I'll come get you on the weekend. You know, could come stay with
me on the weekend. We're likefuck, yeah, and then sometimes and
then we fuck, he won't showup. Yeah, and now I was
like fucking devastating, you know.Yeah, that's rough. You kind of
like lose trust and someone. Youknow, my dad drank too, and
it was kind of he mean,he was always home, but when he
came home drunk, it was itwas it was no good. Did you
eventually move out to live with yourfather? Yeah, when you yeah,
what age? I move back?I moved to Carlsbad, California in eighth
grade. Right, so I wasweird because from Missouri to Carlsbad has a
big change. But it sucked becausewe left my little brother Dude right like
to you, and I felt sobad for a little brother Dude. So
you just you moved me and myolder brother right, because I couldn't really
leave my older brother, you know, like I looked up to him so
much and like kind of followed him, you know, so I couldn't really
like separate from him, right,but I felt so bad for my little
brother Dude, because he was onlylike maybe like six or seven, you
know, and he looked up tous like he was like that's a different
fuck. Is that different father?Yeah, different father, but he was
still like our father, you know. He Yeah, stock brother. Yeah,
Scott Ellis, that's my Stepdad,and Cody Allis, that's my little
brother m but yeah, my Stepdadfucking is. He's the man, Dude.
He's so cool. He makes moonshine. Oh really, yeah, he's
the one who makes moonshine. We'llhave him, since I'm out, I
know. I fucking had some tosend out for it for you and then
they wouldn't check my luggage bad andthey freaking I couldn't bring it. Oh,
they checked your luggage bag. It'syeah, yeah, they busted me.
It was in a fucking it waslike a like olive oil bottle.
Reported into that and I wrote onit with a Sharpie poopy, poopy shot.
I'm Oh, wow, yeah,yeah, St you, and it's
so disguising. It in the oliveoil bottle. You just took that all
the way by putting poopy shine.I should have put that on there,
Dude. I was like, FuckShit. Did they ever guess? I
was like fuck, I should have, should have waited to put that on
there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but, yeah, I
will have to get some for you. Maybe you can ship some out.
Yeah, I'm we've been trying todo that, but we don't know how.
He's been trying to trying to dothat, but well, I mean,
I don't this is just me spitballand you get those Mason Jars.
Legally, we can't let you hereKnockskilles moonshine trafficking, know how, because
he could get in trouble. You'renot missing much, though. The advice
wasn't very good be said. Yeah, I'm a big fan of popcorn SOTTON.
Yeah, I'm I got to meethim. That's so sick, dude.
Yeah, he was an amazing person. Like if you called central casting
in said send me a Tennessee moonshinerand they sent popcorn Soton, you're like
no, that's too unbelievable. Right, because he looked exactly what you think
a Tennessee moonshiner looked like. Skinnyold guy overalls, big long beard and
he he yeah, he was gettingready to go to prison, right,
because he was a moonshiner up.But he did a lot of videos on
making moonshine. Yeah, if you'reyou know, if you're selling something illegal,
don't make video. Don't make videos, or if you're trying to transport
something illegal, don't write poopy shineon it. Yeah, for sure he
committed the cardinal sin. Did popcornsthe man? Yeah, but yeah,
Missouri, Missouri was fun, Dude. I freaking grew up on a farmhouse.
They paid my parents, my momand Stepdad, paid four hundred bucks
a month for five route, fivebedroom farmhouse. Wow, yeah, four
hundred bucks a month and we hadten acres on it. That's an amazing
deal. Yeah, and what citycard does Missouri, where Preston is from
right. Yeah, me and Prestonwent to the same elementary school as well,
but many years apart, many yearsapart. Yeah, but same school.
Yeah, that's pretty crazy. Yeah, yeah, but so the farmhouse
was freaking awesome because there's a bigbarn with it was an empty barn,
and there's a big silo, sowe'd always climb up to the top of
the sidel of animals, or didyou raise any? No, no,
we didn't have any animals. Wehad cats and and dogs, but no
animals. My mom always wanted animals, but we didn't really have time to
take care of them. And Yeah, did did your mom work too?
Yeah, my mom weren't. Shewas a ged teacher. HMM. Yeah,
that's how I got my Gd.She helped me out. What did
what year did you drop out ofhigh cool, I dropped out of when
I was a sophomore, so that'stwo thousand and five I was supposed to
graduate. So did you consult yourparents about that? No, No,
no, my dad didn't even know. So you would just go off to
school every day like you're going toschool. So, yeah, my dad
would drop me off at school andI had on my beach cruiser and I'd
wait for him to leave and Ijust poomped straight back down to the hill,
back to the beach with my beachcruiser, straight to the Surf Shop,
grandpike board and West seat and goesstraight to the beach. This is
an oceanside yeah, and Carl's bad, Carl's bat. Now when did he
find out? You, like amonth after, like, cause I because
they won't. So you only didthis for a month before he found out?
Yeah, yeah, a month ortwo in. So what did he
say when you're when you were doingthis? Well, he thought I was
going to school, I know,but once he found out, he was
freaking pissed. Oh, he wasso pissed. But you didn't make you
go back to school? No,no, because he knew I didn't like
it. Right, and I freakinglove them for that because he understood.
He understands me, you know.Uh Huh. So I go dad,
I don't want to go to school, I want to do something else.
or He's like, well, thisis what you're going to do. You're
going to go to Missouri, yougoing to go back to Missouri. So
I went back to Missouri my junioryear and studied for my Gd with my
mom and did. I was therefor a year. I took the test
four times. I couldn't pass it. Pros back you. You were tenacious
and you stuck with it. Iknow eventually passed it. Eventually pass it
here in California. Is it goinggood? Run, Johnny? Having fun?
Yeah, I'm having fun. Allright. We got another learned a
lot about you today. Yeah,yeah, there's a lot more to dude.
Fuck so much. All right.We got another question from my ex
girlfriend. Is She going to beyour soon to be girlfriend again? I
hope so. Did Oh, thisone's good. This one's good. Okay,
is it true you broke your Dick? Yes, I did break my
Dick trying to backflip a motorcycle,I think in two thousand and eight or
two thousand and nine. Okay,I don't know how to ride a motorcycle
and so, but I was convincedI get backflip one. So, Travis,
Oh, I really thinking? Goodsfor me. Well, I kind
of convinced myself. Yeah, Iwas like, I showed up that day
like I'm going to backflip a motorcycle. Set Yep, and I did exactly
what Travis told me not to.Do is like when you come off the
ramp, don't let go of thebike because it'll turn, go twenty feet
in the air and turn into amissile. No, come back down and
smoke you. And that's what happened. I laid it on the ground and
both my knees were behind my ears, you know, and then the Mike
came in and broke its handle baroff in my crotch. Oh my God,
Dude, and that's a metal handlebar. It broke the handle bar and
it's a metal handle like, ohmy God. And I stood up and
I felt like I was pissing mypants. Oh right, took up my
pants and every time my heart wouldbe blood with shoot at my cock.
Did it over and over. Tothe medic I'm like, is this bad?
He goes. You got to getthe hospital right now, because they
thought I had internal bleeding. Whatthe fuck? So they rushed me in
the surgery and I had two kidssince then. Nice. Oh Yeah,
Dude, I'm glad your Dick's allright. Yeah, it's about where it
should be. It's about where ittops out. Is All right, ha,
ha, ha ha. You're justgood enough for me. But yeah,
dude, as long as you canget a boner. You're psyching.
Yeah, really, we do,right now? Yeah, I couldn't.
All right. Well, I thinkwe're going to wrap it up, Johnny.
Okay, poopies. Thank you somuch, Dude. Thanks for having
me on your show and and answeringall my questions. I felt like I
learned a lot about you. Yeah, thanks for answering my questions. Yeah,
yeah, your girlfriends, my actgirlfriend's questions, your ex girlfriend's question
yea, yeah, I'll she dida very good job. You can text
her and tell her she did agreat shot. Should we give give her
a picture? Sure, sure,we mean we can. Okay, we'll
do that later, but anyways,you guys. Thanks for watching poopies podcast.
There's more to come. I hopeyou enjoy it. It's pretty fried,
but I'm just starting to learn,so it's all new to me.
This podcast should great job. Whoop, thank you. Thank you. Hell,
yeah, you learned by doing yep, you got it. Yeah,
exactly. That's how you learned,by making mistakes, you know. Yep.
So well, I'll see you onSaturday for the family family feud.
Yeah, that's going to be fun. Yeah, I'm sorite. All right,
you guys. Stay tuned and havea great day and we'll see you
next time. Yeah, did,yeah, Johnny. We hope you've at
least tried to enjoy the shittiest podcast. With poopies to the listeners who made
it all the way to the endof this episode. Why? But also
thank you if you'd like to turnyour brain to even more mush. We
hope you'll join US next week forepisode two of Shittiest podcast. The shittiest
podcast is produced by the world's worstpeople, Tyler Nielsen, Bryan Tillotson Frank
Crisco, and narrated by me,the narrator. Special thanks to the Straw
hat team.