EPISODE 26: Bloody Mary, Queen of England

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Show Notes

Mary I of England certainly had a reputation. So strong of a reputation in fact, she became known as "Bloody Mary." Why'd she get this creepy nickname that inspired a ridiculous children's mirror prank? Spoiler alert, it involves a lot of killing. Plus, Craig sings a wonderful tune for Will and an unprompted duet!

Want to drink up the less bloody favorite cocktail of Elizabeth II? Follow the recipe below for the Dubonnet Cocktail!

1 1/2 fl oz Dry Gin

2 fl oz Dubonnet

Shake or stir all ingrdients with ice and strain into a chilled glass. Garnish with an orange zest if you're feelin frisky.


Alcoholic Milwaukee. There you go for
Milwaukee, and I oughtn't know. It's

BLATS, blats, blats wherever you
go, non alcoholic old Milwaukee, I

feel like the biggest piece of shit
in the world. Welcome to history,

Ratedar, my name is will sterling. Your your cohost with the least.

I was going to say co host
with the most, but we all know

that the man who has the most
is none other than rock Hudson's personal masseuse.

Oh, Dr Craig Smith, how
are you, doctor? I'm good.

Welcome, welcome back to the house. I'm here, no grively.

We're recording live in the middle of
my of my trip, because I had

a wedding that was in Mexico,
but then I booked a commercial shoot that's

going to shoot forth a couple days, and so I'm I'm back in the

LBC for some time with Craig.
I you have the MIC stand. I

have to hold the MIC right now
because my stand is in Boston. So

I gave you the cush you get
the well, you get the I've got

to have my hands for some things
I'm doing. I bet you do.

Hey, okay, you have something
prepared. I understand I well at words

wedding. I'm so pathetic that I
always have found it best, instead of

getting them off my chest, to
let them rest unexpressed. I hate parading

my serenading as I'll probably miss the
bar. But if this ditty is not

so pretty, at least it'll tell
you how great you are. You're the

top. You're the coliseum. You're
the top. You're the La Museum,

you're the front door on my house
here. Harry styles, you're Obama smiles,

you're Mickey Mouse. I'm a donald
trump without a rump, a flop.

But if William, I'm the bottom, you're the top. You're the

top. You're my favorite candy.
You're the top. You're a handsome dandy.

Your sublime. You'RE A craigsmith dinner. You're the cash from a Lotto

winner. I'm a toy balloon that's
faded, soon to pop. But if

William, you're the bottom, if
William I'm the bottom, you're the top.

You're the top. You're a dry
Martini. You're the top. You're

the Great Houdini. You're the face
that's so much younger than mine. You're

a Bot of Shelly. You're a
keats you're a shelley, you're the one.

No one can do. Not Decline. I'm without a rep I'm Johnny

Depp. I'm a flop. But
if William I'm the bottom, if William

mom the bottom, you're the top. Wow, what about? Hang on

it. Thank you please. What
didn't here? Cheers the let's drink us

up to the what. What the
fuck did you just do? I was

beautiful, with apologies to cold porter. Okay, so it was an existing

song. It's from and you change, the goes, you turned, the

music goes, you change, you
change the variables to fit me. And

and is that? Are Those also
originally the lyrics? Top and bottom?

Yes, do you understand what,
also in present day culture, that means?

And you know, Col Porter was
gay, and I think he knew

it too. I do know that. Okay, so on the top and

near the bottom, Craig, Oh, well, you here to her for

bout here. He woe heard your
first folks. Will Sterling is the top.

Quicksmith is the bottom on history rated
art. That was a spectacular gift.

Thank you very much. I feel
honored, I feel seen, I

feel recognized. Today we're recording.
It's June one, so it's the start

of pride month, Craig. That's
right, happy pride, happy pride.

You do to. Thank you very
much. It's feels a little different this

year because I feel more out and
proud ever than I've ever been. And

any we have a fun show planned. This is going to come after water

gate. But we talked about Queen
Mary of England, the we marry one

one of England, when we talked
about JFKSE favor drink, the bloody mary,

and that's how it got its name. Right. She is the only

Queen Mary, because I thought he
was. She was the she was the

reigning Queen. I say there have
been other Queen Mary's, but they're the

white of the king. It's not
the same thing. And the boat the

Queen married. Yeah, here in
longuage, but that was not named for

Queen Mary, Oh, the one
we're talking about. God I was named

for the Queen Mary that went through
World War Two and was so heroic with

her husband, George the right.
I would hope it wasn't named for the

Queen Mary who slaughtered a bunch of
Protestants. So because we talked about the

bloody Mary, I thought that we
would talk about the current queen of England's

favorite drink instead, to keep it
a little bit on theme. Oh,

okay, do you know what her
favorite cocktail? No, I know her

mother Love Jin, but I don't
know what she liked. So they're both

Elizabeth Right. Yeah, that she
does love Jane's the Dubon a cocktail.

Are you familiar with Ebone? Yeah, it's also known as the Zazak cocktail.

I've referenced our Handy Dandy Guide Book
from Mr Harry Craddock, the Savoy

cocktail book. He uses a recipe
which is one part Dubon a rouge and

one part London Dry Jin, shaken
and strained into a cocktail glass. Modern

recipes often garnished with an orange appeal, but Queen Elizabeth, she prefers hers

with a slice of Lemon in it. See, very British, very British.

The original name for the Dubon a
cocktail comes from its key ingredient,

dubone, which is a sweet aromatized
wine based at Pertif, which is like

another fortified wine, like a like
a Vermouth, the kind of thing.

And dubonet was first sold in one
thousand eight hundred and forty six by Joseph

Dubone, in response to a competition
run by the French government to find a

way of Perspe, excuse me,
persuading French Foreign Legionnaires in North Africa to

drink quinine. Quinnine combats malaria,
but it's very widine. Quinine, thank

you. Quinine combats malaria, but
it's very bitter. So they invented this

bitter apper tief to trick these dudes
into not dying from malaria. Ownership was

taken over by Parnaud Ricard in seven, nineteen, seventy six, and it

was repopularized in the late s s
by an advertising campaign starring Pia Zadora.

Oh No, Piasadora. Yes,
yes, John Bob Hope used to make

fun of her at the Oscars because
she quit Hollywood. Right, HMM,

so he would make pasadority is Adora
jokes. It is available in a rouge

block and gold, Vanilla and other
orange variety, or in orange varieties the

this reference, this recipe references the
dubone rouge, which is the original dubonet.

is also widely known by the advertisement
slogan of the French graphic designer cauissant,

and that slogan was do bold,
bold bone, a play on words,

roughly meaning it's nice, it's good, it's Du Bone, if the

lovely right, Dubo, Du Bon, doubone, and so that can stand.

That's actually still a lot of people
have this. It's a popular poster

in France. Queen Elizabeth, the
Queen Mother, liked Jin doubone. So

does Queen Elizabeth the SID who were
talking about now. Nelson Rockefeller, Oh,

love to do bone. So there
you go. A lot of a

lot of esteemed people like the doubone. You know, I knew rocky,

Nelson Rockefeller. Yeah, you was
him. Yes, he was the vice

president and Jerrold Ford when I was
forward speech writer and I talked to him

many times. Wow, wonderful man. See, there you go. He

had a very large head but he
was very short, okay, and he

never would be photographed standing next to
anybody, just sitting right and so people

thought he was much bigger because he
had this big hand. But he was

the runt of the Rockefeller Litter.
It's really funny. It says here he

his taste for alcohol was moderate.
so He'd have an occasional glass of dubone

on the rocks right. Keep it. Know How he died? Keep it.

Look, no, I don't know
how. He died. In the

arms of Megan Marshak having sex.
Oh, in the arms of the angel.

He'll make it through the NIE.
WHO's Megan Marshak? She was his

lover. So she was making marshaking
up with Nelson Rockefeller. Thank you.

Well, well, let's not waste
any more time of the audiences. We're

going to talk about the Queens,
Bloody Mary, right after this. So

we're talking about bloody Mary. So
let's talk about how she got to be

the queen of England. Okay,
we have to go back a little bit.

So you know, I'm not gonna
I'm not going to hound you this,

okay, I mean I've got to
talk about a few men, but

yeah, to get to her,
I'm gonna get to her. Don't worry,

don't worry, don't worry. So
Richard, the third portrayed in Shakespeare,

is purely evil. M can aim
to the throne of England by his

brother died. He then killed the
next in line for the throne. Then

he killed the two kids that were
next in line for the throne. No,

boy, according to Shakespeare and Richard
the third becomes the King of England.

Yeah, this is at the end
of the war of the roses.

The white rose of the House of
York wins that, okay, and he

starts doing some corrupt things and people
don't like it and there's a major revolt

against him and there's a huge battle
at Botsworth field, which you can still

go to an England, okay,
and Richard is knocked off his horse.

MMM, and says a horse ors
my kingdom for a horse. That's right

to Shakespeare. Yeah, and he
is then killed in the field by the

rebellious army led by the Duke of
Richmond, whose name is Henry Tutor.

Okay, because he had a small
car. It was a tutor and fucking

loser and a great joke. Henry
Tudor Becomes Henry this seventh. I'm sorry,

I'm still over and he his first
son is Arthur, okay, okay,

and Arthur Mary's Catherine of Aragon.
I'm still smiling. Look at you,

thinking about the dumb joke you just
told a minute ago. The classes.

You still like tutor. That's cool, as they call yea, followed

by the forders. Anyway, Arthur
is betrothed to Catherine of Aragon. They

get married. Henry the seventh is
still the king. Okay, Arthur set

up to become the king. And
Arthur dies. There are new children and

in those days if your older brother
married someone and you were still single,

you had to take her on as
your wife. So Arthur's younger brother,

Henry, Uh Huh, Mary's Catherine
of Aragon. Okay, now they had

a very successful marriage. Then Henry
the seventh died. Henry Becomes Henry the

eighth. So she's the first of
six wives. Also, great song by

Hermans Herbitts. I'm Henry the ain't
I am, I am, I am,

I am, yeah, piece of
nude, Piecea noon, as and

Peter, noon is a lot better
than afternoon. Anyway, I don't know

what the math not as good as
the tutor. So Arthur goes off to

war at one point and leaves Catherine
totally in charge of England. Oh,

she was older than he was.
Yeah, and so, I mean she's

brilliant and and and he and she
mmm have a baby. HMM, and

it's not a boy, which Henry
is disappointed in. Her name is Mary

and and she's kind of stays with
her mother. She loves her father,

but he with holds his affection because
he wanted a son and he decides that

Catherine is not going to give him
a son, he wants to divorce her.

Okay, and one try, one
tried, didn't get a son.

He's like fuck you, fuck off, lady. Well, right, what

did you just do? You kick
the MIC stand. Yeah, I think

they were trying a lot. I
think what you're going to see in this

is the lack of children was not
the wives fault. I just read Henry's

of course it was. Yeah,
I just read this great historical fiction book

called our of the witch, and
this takes place preseiling, with trials,

and this is a slight detour.
But she is determined to be barren because

she cannot get pregnant and no one
is ever considering like maybe it's the fucking

dudes fault, right, and so
then she finds her love or whatever and

she gets she has a baby like
right away, but she's living this whole

time like being abused by him and
everyone's like she's barren, she's a witch,

all these things are wrong with her
because she's barren. She's not barren.

Dudes sperm. We're fucking slow.
Low Count Yeah, now count yeah,

they weren't combatants, right, so, right their way up. So

Henry has a similar problem. Yeah, everybody thinks that that's probably the case,

and also that sex with him probably
wasn't very good. I listen,

I agree. Yeah, I am
speaking from a man who's had sex with

Henry the eighth. It was not
good. So I was a how did

you get past the pandaloon? Anyway? So Henry do goes to the pope

and says I want a divorce because
she isn't giving me me a son in

the pope says, you know,
I'm a Catholic and Catherine is a Catholic,

and Philip, the King of Spain, is a Catholic. MMM,

and the Holy Roman Emperor Charles the
fifth is a Catholic. So got fuck

your sal you're not getting a horse. It's our clip, every screaming.

Go Fuck Yourself. So Henry Decides
to form his own church, withdraw the

whole Catholic hierarchy of England out of
the Pope's authority. Yeah, become head

of the church himself. Okay,
and this is the founding of the Anglican

Church, which we call the Episcopal
Church in America. Got It, okay.

So he marries and Bowlin and Lo
and behold and blind gets pregnant.

Oh, we'd like happy days are
here again, and she gives birth to

a daughter. Maybe he's not like
low, what's it moutility or whatever form

from. Maybe he just got a
like a in like a crazy amount of

girl chromosomes. We will find out, Oh boy, we'll find out.

Okay. So it's Anne Bolen and
her daughter is Elizabeth, who is eventually

going to become the the queen of
England, but it doesn't look good at

the moment. That's the Cape Blanchet
Queen. Yes, God, absolutely is

rand. Understand, the Glenda Yo, the the the, yeah, I

know who to her. Also,
the Margie Davis, the Betty Davis Queen.

They're all the murder Robbie movie.
Yeah, who sears her on and

played her, I think, in
that movie. Oh, I'm yes,

yes, there's that one that's more
contemporary, but Glenda Jackson played her all.

Oh, gotch okay, okay,
in the movie Mary Queen of Scott's

and we'll get we have already visited
Mary Queen of Scotts and she's coming back

into the picture and all of this. So, anyway, that is the

last of there's a couple of miscarriages
and he says, I got to get

rid of ambolen. Well, boy, so what we're going to do,

which we're going to accuse her of
infidelity. And so they get this guy

to accuse her of having sex with
him and being promiscuous. What? Okay.

Well, that means he's gonna also
get into big, big trouble.

Yes, yeah, yes, they
tortured him and then they killed him,

and that's the fucking bullet he took. I like, Bro, you can

talk off heath. He got scared
and he thought well, if I if

I tell them what they want to
hear, I'll get off. And they

go, Oh, thank you,
and would you testify to that? And

he testifies to it and they thank
you. No, when now we're going

to kill you. You don't live. Oh God, I know, we

know what we know now, like, how do you live in the thirteen

hundreds or whatever? Another fuck this
takes place one five hundred and fifteen hundreds

and not anticipate you taking the fall
for the fucking king is not going to

get you killed. That's right,
what a moron. So Poor Anne Boleyn

has her head cut off, and
she had reigned a thousand days, and

hence we get the movie and of
a thousand days with Richard Burton and sell

on and so forth. Now where
does the movie the other Bowlin girl put

into this? She was her sister. Okay, she was her sister.

And Yeah, and that's why Charlie's
Theron, or is it the other one?

Was Scarlett Johnson? I can never
tell Garlistians and Scar Jans. Okay,

well, they all look alike to
me. So anyway, and bolimbs

off the table and he marries Jane
Seymour. Oh, the actress, no,

from Dr Quinn, medicine woman.
Yes, she's made after Jane swore

got it. So the Seymour House
was very prominent, I bet, very

aristocratic, Huh? And Henry just
loves her to death and she gives birth

to Edward, a boy, and
then she dies. Oh, didn't see

more dies. Yeah, damn it. So now he has a son,

Edward. Yeah, fabulous, but
Jane Seymour is dead and he still wants

a wife and he wants more airs
because Edward a little sickly. Oh,

I see little week. And so
in the meantime, Catherine of Aragon and

Mary, his first daughter, yeah, have been sent off to a castle

and they're in isolation. Right.
Elizabeth has been sent off to be taken

care of by another family. So
she's off an isolation. Okay, and

all the presents and the big Christmases
and everything are going to Edward. Oh,

all the big Christmas, right,
thank you. Henry Marries three more

times. Jesus, How many wives
is? None of them produce any children.

Okay, and of cleaves, this
one of them, several others,

and finally Ted Henry dies. Good, now Edward becomes the king, right,

except there's one little problem. Edward
is not of age. He's not

even fifteen. Fifteen is the age
you need to be, okay. So

that goes back to Roman Times.
You didn't become a citizen until you were

fifteen. Before that you just a
fucking nobody here. Nobody. Yeah,

absolutely, and we should have the
same program people who are not eighteen should

be nobody's you want to that sounds
very, very rude. It is.

Why do you want to treat people
before? They don't know anything? Well,

of course you don't know anything,
but that's a who point of growing

up. Well, you sometimes knows
boundary. Did want them to have any

rights at all. The founding fathers. Uh Huh, it was your parents

were supposed to take care of you
and they had absolute control over you.

Yeah, well, that's going to
even hit you and be you. Yep,

that's how we're all fucked up now. So maybe we should give children

more rights than we adult founders.
Yeah, so, so Edward is too

young. So there's a reach,
what's called a regency. It's a committee

that runs everything in the name of
the king. To be okay, Edward

and and they're they're fairly productive.
They write a catechism for the episcopal church,

everything. They don't go to war. Okay, are everything's kind of

fine. Edward Gets sicker. HMM, Edward Gets sicker. Il Does here

this one and thirteen. Yeah,
okay, and he dies. Now what

do you do? Right, well, some people say, MMM, let's

go get married. Yeah, because
she's the direct air and in England women

could become kings, right, they
were ahead of the time. Uh,

in other countries you had to be
a male. So how did someone yeah,

and so Mary comes to the throne. They go get her her mom.

Hold is she at this point?
I don't know exactly, like one

thousand eight hundred and nineteen. I'll
know. She's older than that childer.

Okay, that. And so Mary
comes to the throne and she's a devout

Catholic because of her mother, yes, and the pope and everybody. And

she says, I'm re establishing the
Catholic Church and if you don't disavow the

Anglican Church, yeah, and swear
fealty to the Catholic church, you're a

heretic and you know, we probably
kill you. Should we burned at the

stake? Yeah. Now, when
we say Anglican Church, there's this is

also termed Protestant. It is a
Protestant large Catholic, but it's but it's

it's like it's Catholic light as they
can exactly. Yeah, exactly. It's

not Lutheran right, which is also
very if you know, the first time

I went to a Lutheran service it
was so like the Catholic service, like

what the Hell did they disagree on? Yeah, the practical stuff is like

the methodist right Raptis that they were
much more extreme. They always disagree on

the fucking yeah, you know,
priest can marry and have children. Yeah,

all right. So Mary comes to
the throne and starts persecuting the Protestants.

Yeah, she burns bishops. I
mean she doesn't do it, but

she orders it, isn't she approves
of it being done. And her next

step is absolutely incredible. She agrees
to have Philip of Spain come over to

talk about getting married. Oh now, Philip, of course, is a

Catholic monarch of Spain. Okay,
his father is Charles the fifth, the

Holy Roman emperor in Germany. Oh, so this would be a huge consolidation

for the Catholic Church. Yeah,
how does that work? Because it's not

like two countries becoming one country.
No, but they they an ally.

Should remember that her grandmother is Isabel, yes, of Ferdinand and Isabel,

and they united Spain by being one
was from Aragon and one was from Navarre,

okay, and they put Spain together. So her dream is to put

Spain and England together into when you
have two countries or more, it's an

empire. I see, I see. So there she's dreaming Empire Right,

right, like the Pootin big sights. Yeah, she's the boot. Yeah,

so she has Philip over and they
go to outside of Winter Castle and

they sit on a bench and it's
a foggy day. How do you know

these minute details? I you,
we know these. The DELRIAN was there

and she says to him, do
you like a foggy day? And he

says yeah, why? And she
says a foggy day in London town had

me low, had me and down. I view the morning with such arm.

Oh, the British Museum had lost
its charm. How long, I

wonder, could but this thing last? But the age mere racals had not

passed for Sunly, I saw you
there, Philip, and through foggy London

town the Sun was shiney way.
So this is round of applause for us,

Craig. Yeah, so what other
thirty four year old person could you

impromptu duet a foggy day in London
town's imprompted. We don't have any note

you. Thank you. Okay.
So, by the way, to spotify

in the other people who are interested
in us, Bloody Mary the musical is

what we could right for you.
There you go. Yeah, well,

still from colcordal Um. He looks
at her and he says birds, do

it BEA's doing? Oh last not
full. That's like, let's call it

off, let's fall in love.
So they marry. The world is like,

Holy Shit, Spain and England are
in united the pope is running around

the Vatican going Catholic's rum, Catholic's
rules, just wonderful. I'm sure that's

exactly how it happened. CABOLIC's rule. Well, doial rules? Yeah,

yeah, Leo the ten who was
a medicie. MMM, remember the medicine

of the mass episode? Yeah,
okay. So everything is going swimmingly for

Mary and she gets Dummach Cancer.
Oh, do they know it's cancer or

they kid that time that there's a
box, has a stricken. She's been

stricken with somethings were bled bell.
There was a huge tumor in her stomach.

But they did know what cancer was
in those days. Okay, they

knew what it looked like and they
in those days it was always a tumor.

They didn't know more subtle. They
just called it a drain tumor.

It's a tumor. No, it's
they said, Oh my God, you

got cancer. Okay, Oh God, and they tried to remove it and

it didn't work. And for those
surgeries like she oh, who you don't

want to know. They didn't have
no no doubt. And what do you

just drink some Scotch fucking pray for
the best. So Mary dies, and

now what are they do? They're
looking around and there's this one woman,

HMM, named Lady Jane Gray.
Oh, that could keep things going for

the Catholics. But a majority goes
for Elizabeth AH where. She's back at

the castle, right. She's the
more direct. Descend it to the second

attolins. She's the second daughter,
yeah, of Henry by and Boleyn,

and they bring Elizabeth to the throne
and she restores protestantism. And she restores

protestantism. But one of her rhetorical
tricks, which is very clever and it's

in the KP planchette movie, she
decides to become, to remain a virgin

all of her life to attract Catholics. Once they love the Virgin Mary.

There's nothing, nothing gets a fucking
Catholic. It's like God, they just

like bees on honey. I just
don't full. I want to fuck in.

In many countries in Europe the wife
is the Virgin, although she bears

the children. The husband fools around
with somebody else yeah, it's. I

mean we have thousands of years of
fetishizing virginity, which is fucking gross.

Being a virgin doesn't matter at all, but you're none. But I mean

it's married Jesus even then. Well, that's the religion part of it that's

fucked up. Is like being a
virgin is not. It's not currency.

Yeah, it's not really valuable,
but people treat it that way and we've

run the world for like four thousand
years trying to marry girls who never fucked

anybody so we could get them pregnant
and then dudes just do whatever they want.

Yeah, okay, so that that's
been the his gross dudes are still

like, oh, Elizabeth is very
clever. She decides not to do that.

She has affairs, Uh Huh,
an affair with Essex, but no

penetration I have we have no knowledge
of that. She never got pregnant that

we know of. Okay, she
probably fooled around with Essex. She sent

him off to Ireland. He failed
in Ireland. Ireland was there Vietnam over

and over again, right, and
he came back and then he decided he

was going to lead a rebellion against
her. He got caught and so she

killed him. In the time.
You will remember, we talked about Mary,

Queen of Scott's. Yes, she
was married to one of Marie de

Medici, Catherine de Medici's sons,
Francis the first. Okay. So this

died and so that was the end
of her queenship. Right in France.

She went back to Scotland. Now
Mary is the Catholic pretender to the throne

from Scotland rights a constant threat to
Elizabeth. There's a big battle and they

capture Mary, right, and so
Elizabeth Puts Mary away in a castle for

a very long time. The movies
all make this sound like she was,

you know, put away for a
year and then we headed. Now.

No, now, it was like
fifteen year years while God is castle.

Wow, and but Catholics heap rallying
around her. Yeah, she's Mary Stewart.

And so Elizabeth finally has her beheaded
and, as you recall from our

captains MEDICI episode, as Mary's head
falls off into a basket, her pet

poodle runs out from under her sp
that's right, very sad moment. That's

right. And so Elizabeth is like, okay, you know, I had

to be vicious, but I'm tired
of the threats and Philip of Spain says,

you bitch, coming for you with
my armada. Yeah. So now

it's thousand five and eighty eight.
Okay, Spain, which has a big

ARMATA because they've been shipping gold back
from Mexico and Peru and all the places

that they conquered. And we're cruel
to build, inquisitative Americans. Yeah,

all that stuff. So the armada
comes into the English Channel, heads toward

London and they're big. They're the
Spanish galleons. You've seen the movie.

They're huge, sure. And so
Sir Francis Drake has these nice little ships.

Yeah, and they go all around
them and set them on fire and

just sink and that's it. I
mean the Greeks did it to the Persians

right battle the Salmi's way back in
four hundred. Yeah, and so the

English defeat the Spanish Armada. Well, and so now England, Elizabeth is

totally in control. Is this the
movie, the Sequel Elizabeth the Golden Age?

Yeah, I see, you see, you see my understanding of histories

through what famous ladies played. My
I love historic movies. Yeah, and

there if you look at some of
they're not as inaccurate as you would think.

Well, I mean, we only
know so much technically. I mean

historians can do a lot of work, but I feel like there's always a

little creative license. And when you
have something like cap plain chip playing quick

Queen Elizabeth, by the way,
I liked that. This episode about Bloody

Mary is is it like a half
about her and then also half about Elizabeth,

which is kind of well, not
half relevant, relevant to write the

story and tying up the relationship with
Spain and yeah, and everything that Henry

the eighth put in motion, right, half sisters they were. Yeah,

yeah, yes, yeah, and
then so anyway, Elizabeth Ushers in the

Renaissance in England. Okay, Oh, you got Shakespeare, you've got,

you know, all these great writers, and so it's a real high point.

When Elizabeth dies, they go through
the family tree. MMM, and

it's Mary Queen of Scott's son,
James the Sixth of Scotland, who is

named James the first of England on
the promise that he will keep it Protestant,

okay, and it is he who
orders the writing of the King James

Bible, which I think is the
most Beautiful Bible of all of them.

And I mean even though I'm a
Catholic, the vulgate is not as accurate

as bibles that came later. And
then James said I want all of these,

take the best of everything. I
want scholars and everybody to look at

it, and so the King James
Bible, of the version, of the

King James version became the most accurate
version. I mean it's still I have

a lot of problems with the King
James version of the Bible. Why?

Because I feel that it is also
as any kind of interpretation of any text

and any scholar or flection of the
Times. You Know Me. I yeah,

I'm an, I'm a nonreligious verson. It's a lot of these and

eyes and so but it's very poem
and not. It is poetic and its

writing, but people still use it
as if it were elite, like a

document for which we should write and
craft legistration, legislation and belief systems around,

and I don't think that that's appropriate. Like the term looser was never

in the Bible until the King James
Version. I did know that people but

that, Yep, that's right.
Really. I looked this up because a

friend of mine set me in insane
article that said that the covid vaccine had

a chemical and it called Luciferin and
it was the mark of the devil.

And I had to walk him through
the history of the fact that Lucifer is

but for all histories purposes, still
kind of a recent invention. But but

Jesus did believe in devils, of
course. Yeah, but, and so

that's always been a conversation, you
know, even as far as back as

job right got into battling it out
in heaven. But this this this spooky

Catholics, aggressive Protestant version of the
devil and all these things as like it's

just all invented. It's not in
the Bible. And lucifers is morning star,

right. That becomes the carolly name, which you're saying. The translation

after yeah, yes, the translation
became Lucifer. I got a son of

the morning and whatever they could they
originally called him. They terminalized the terminal,

terminalized at this the second time on
this podcast I've said that word terminology

to him. Okay, I'm gonna
go with that. Well, what a

story. That's the story. Queen
Mary, Bloody Mary, Hated Protestants,

very short lived ten year for the
Catholics then in England. Huh. Yeah,

but that was it. Yeah,
that and it ries and all and

then also known and you you have
this stuff going back and forth. And

then the Protestants turn on themselves,
aren't they always, though, and you

have, you know, in one
thousand six hundred and twenty, you know,

they're bailing out at the puritans are
bailing out of England and coming to

America. Yeah, and that's how
we get Massachusetts correct. And this is

where your significant other is the that's
right, that's where she is. That's

where I've been. That's where doing
as a wife. I'm a spouse is

with prefer I'll be going back to
Cambridge a week from today, I know,

next Wednesday. Know, for a
couple we're going to miss you,

but then I'll be right back.
I'll be back in like, I'm three

weeks after that. Yeah, it'll
be fast, but yeah, but that's

that book. Our of the witch
takes place shut like ten fifteen years before

this Salem which trials. So you're
getting all it's so fun. That would

now we can tie this all together. You're getting all that energy shifting out

to America. It's still crazy town. It's still insane. They still think

that women, you know, the
cycle is dirty time and all these horrible,

crazy things in that they're if they're
they don't make the children, it's

their fault to bear. And so
if this has been any proof of anything,

it's that history has been very cruel
to women. Yeah, in England

could marry, continue to go through
civil wars. You know, James One

was successful. Then his son,
Charles the first, came in and he

was overthrown and beheaded by Cromwell.
Cromwell, James Cromwell, the actor,

not these is that he's pretty old
now. It's the other Chromo and and

Cromwell rules with this new model army
and imposes all kinds of horror rules with

a model army like a tiny middle
training man. Yeah, they that.

They were not more than three inches
high and they ran ramp at all.

Very, my God, a little
bigger than the ance soldier model army.

One of his devotees was John Milton. Okay, Milton, I don't know

who that is, but I'm going
to not built is wrote Arrow Pigitica.

I don't know what that is either, and he also wrote a wonderful thing

called, I'll think of it,
a minute, but you in it.

The Devil says, to get back
to your theme. It is better to

reign in health than serve in heaven. MMMM. One of the most famous

lines ever written. John melan was
a blind poet, M and devoted to

the puritan cause. Got It.
And then Cromwell dies and his son's incompetent

and they overthrow him, and so
Charles the second is in charge of the

restoration. Okay, and the English
or like a hell with the Goddamn Protestants.

We want to get back to a
party and Charles the second leads that.

The Party of the second leads the
party. Movie and the novel Forever

Amber is about that period of time. George Sanders plays job, yes,

or Sanders, yeah, love George
Sanders. Yeah, tragic story. And

then he succeeded by his brother James
the second, who screws everything up and

they throw him out. Yeah,
in one thousand six hundred and eighty eight,

the glorious revolution, and they bring
in William and Mary from Netherlands,

a Netherland. I was like cool, as the new favorite couple. We

I have walked us down a path
far away from from from Bloody Mary.

Well, this has been great.
I have some ending with another Mary,

it's true. That's where you're not
William and Mary, and then that's the

college ry. And William died and
and actually she did become queen. So

I don't know why I shouldn't become
married to HMM, we'll have to look

that up fact checkers. Why didn't
marry William Wife when William died and Mary

became Queen? Why wasn't she like, like treated like king, because they

had children and they would go to
the air? Maybe, definitely, that's

how that works. Yeah, maybe
there was a boy she ruled for some

reason. I think she rules.
She ruled, well, rules, yeah,

no, I dotal good. All
right. Yeah. Well, on

that awkward note, we're Gonnane.
We're going to be right back. Oh,

with a review. Oh, here
we go. Okay, we're still

trying to UN try US try,
I'm going to keep this tight. I

feel like it's fun. We start
to Yam or a little bit. There's

now like all as. We've been
doing this long enough. You know how

many episodes. You know episode this
will be twenty four. I know we're

already half a year we've been doing
this. Yeah, I had a goal

when we set out, and I
want listeners and fans of the show.

If you like the show, do
us a favor, not just a rating

review. Share it with your friends. I had a goal we first started.

I said, six months into the
show, I want to average a

thousand lessons per episode. We are
not quite there yet, so I've shifted

my goal to about a thousand or
more lessons per month. And we hear

since we've since surpassed that. Oh
Oh, we are averaging well over a

thousand lessons per month. WHOA.
So here we are, here we are.

So if you like to show thank
you listener. If you like this

show and you feel like your friends
would care about a thirty four year old

queer person and seventy seven year old
gay man, share it with your friends

and our opinions on history and they
will have a fucking gay old time.

Oh and tell us if you liked
our singing, because we can do a

lot more. And this is how
this is very important to say. As

soon as you I heard you setting
up this fucking joke a mile away.

You're like they sat down. I
was like, how do you know these

details? You like well, and
then you like it was a foggy day

and I was like here we go, and I caught that as soon as

you dropped it and we were off
to the races. And not always.

You listen to Judy Garland. It's
how she said it, how it took

me thirty four years to finally come
out of the closet. And Me,

I guess I'm very queer. I've
always adored Judy Gart it's like, how

did I never know her father was
gay? Judy grins food. Really,

yeah, wow, that's that's one
of the reason she's a hero. And

it's quite clear that Vincent Minnelli.
So, he gave her a daughter.

Yeah, very famous. was also
okay. Well, of course, of

course. Well, anyway, we
I picked up with your putting down,

Craig, and not only did we
know if I could in London town,

we both knew the entire of the
seric and we sang the full song.

So, if you like, your
big old gay uncle Craig and your queer

old little brother will sterling, give
us a rating and review. Share of

this show with your friends. I'm
going to read a new review. Five

stars, Craig. HMM, five
stars is from my Guy Kase a Krevsky.

Kayza Krevsky says. Smooth, informative. Wow, that's the title of

the review. He says. As
an immigrant in the US, this podcast

presents usually unapproachable historical facts and guesses
fact checkers to the rescue. He puts

in parentheses that relate to today's matters
or are just fun to learn. Both

posts are equally charismatic, and then
he puts the sunglasses Emoji face, because

we're fuck cool. Plus, I'm
learning about drinks, so that's a plus.

You fucking sure, our Kai Zakrevsky, and I hope you enjoyed your

lesson about the Dubon at today's great, he says. Great, quick list

and totally recommend. Can't wait to
read all of Craig's books. Good luck,

because there's fucking five hundred of them. Twenty two, soon to be

twenty three, books. Yeah,
just be picky, go to the later

ones. I have been will sterling. You can find me on social media

at will sterling underscore. You have
been who I'm Craig Smith and I'm something

like the underscore redder. You got
it as I think that's the first time

now in twenty four episodes yeah,
you knew your own instagram in my site.

What I want to help you clean
up your instagram and timeline a little

bit. Oh, sure, because
you always post promos of the show,

which I love, but I also
want to show you how to post them

to your stories. Okay, so
they don't live there, because if people

go to your page and they swipe, all they see is history, rated,

rated, our history rated. Are
Right, exactly. I leaned it

up. You did clean it up. Yeah, you could. Are of

THY archive the though. You don't
have to delete them. Yeah, I

think idea. Okay, okay,
just got them off the page. I

like. I would say, like
do that. Let the promos live there

for like a month and then you
can just take them down. Okay,

you know, because people want to
know. I didn't know I had a

paid people want to see you.
I want to see your pictures out travel.

So dumb I am. I didn't
know I had a page until you

told me. I thought I didn't
know you had an instagram. I just

saw did we put things on instagram
and then they go away? I didn't

know there was a page. I
knew face. I have a pay I

am a facebook. You did what
a lot of people do when they get

in trouble, which is you thought
you had a snapchat where they disappear and

they don't disappear. Yeah, well, there live there forever. So we

don't anymore. Don't post anything inappropriate. If you want to write into us,

fact check us, as we say, as Kai Zakrevsky says, fact

checkers to the rescue. You can
message US at history rated are on Instagram,

or history out. Our history rated
are at gmailcom. It's been fun

to do this in person, Craig. It's been great and yeah, I'm

rewarding him. Not only did my
opening song. We loved him. This

is yours going. They have duck, the duck catchatory. You mentioned.

A Tory a couple episodes cooking while
we've been on the air. It is

now ready to serve the duck catchatory
you mentioned. I've I strong arm doing

to cooking it for me. That's
right. So this used to be a

saying in England by the Liberals.
They always wanted a catch a tory.

Jesus, that's a deep cut for
the tour rain in situation. Well,

we appreciate you guys listening. I
think this energy is so much better,

and the next couple episodes we're rounding
out our president stuff. Yeah, all

the things we've recorded. I think
after this is going to come after Watergate,

after this, I think there are
three more prerecorded episodes and then we

are fully caught up to everything we've
we get up to Clinton. Yeah,

and then we stop. Yeah.
So well, we got a lot to

say after that. We've got a
lot of fun stories and I think what

we should encourage now, because the
show is going to be wide open and

we we should mention this every episode. Write us in with suggestions. What

stories would you like to hear?
The things you'd like to learn about?

Do you have something you want to
add to the intro, the Outro,

little historical blurbs? Make yourself part
of the show. We are no longer

beholden to our old presidential ways.
After a couple weeks and we will be

single and ready to mingle, as
they say, and we will all see

you next time. On yes re
rated all I was very polite
History. Rated R.
Let's be honest. History is full of f*cked up sh*t. But what are we gonna do, pretend like it never happened? Have a drink with your host, actor and writer Will Sterl... View More




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