Rock to Recovery : Royston Langdon

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The Ex-Spacehog Vocalist talks to host Wes Geer about his musical success, journey through recovery and his latest solo project Leeds ahead of the release of the album ‘Everything’s Dandy’. From Straw Hut Media  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit

Rock to Recovery
Wesley Geer of Rock to Recovery and formerly of Korn each week interviews rad musicians, rockstars, celebs, people, that have overcome their demons to thrive in an industry rife with challenges.

Episode transcripts

Straw media. This week on rockto recovery I interview one of my favorite
humans, former space hog front manand singer, Royston Langdon. I love
his story. It's similar to minein that at the height of his success,
when their music was having massive worldwidesuccess, he was struggling with the
deadly disease of addiction and he tellsyou how he found his way out.
It's awesome. This week on rockto recovery, this is West here,
this rock the comfy radio. NextNinety five, and let's see what else
I want to say about that.This is brought to you by new Vista
Behavioral Health and I want to saywhy are we here? Because I'm passionate
about recovery and we like to beingbring experienced, strength and hope out there
to people who might be searching foranswers, are searching for support. The
idea is that we will interview rockstars, celebrities, athletes, Rad humans,
cool people that can come in andtell their story about recovery, not
just, you know, getting soberor overcoming mental health or something like that,
but learning how to thrive and reallyjust live an amazing life. And
why I like to call get intothe vortex of radness. HMM, the
vortex arrest, MMM, more texaround is so tonight I've been really excited
about I've been really excited about thisshow. We got a guy here.
He's now my friend. Will yoube my friend? Will be a friend?
All right, yeah, this isgreat. That's one of the best
parts of making show. I actuallyhave a couple friends down. One of
the reasons I got were one ofthe reasons I got excited, I'm so
excited I can't talk right, isas soon as I knew that we're going
to do the show, I wentback to the big song that everybody knows.
You buy and it just took whichwas what is the title of it?
I don't know. You better yourguys have second I forgot when I
said that I was like the timeI could sing it. Well, I
should do harve going. Don't makeyou do it. Just takes me to
a beautiful time of my life andit was pumping out here and Kay rock
and the men stop in the meantime. Yeah, nonstop on Kay Rock,
and I had a girl I reallyliked and I remember driving up to a
house and I had to stay inthe car and listen to your song.
So with me from an amazing band, space hog. Is I hope I
see this right, Royston langdon correct. Yeah, yeah, thank you.
The crowd goes wild. And yougot a new project underway. You just
released an album under the moniker yeah, that's a fancy word for name,
I think. Is it maybe Wannica? It's also it's also a name.
Actually, isn't it often of femalenamed Monica, Monica, versus moniker?
Oh, yeah, is there adifference? There can be, okay,
if we say there is all right. So, yes, yeah, sorry,
let's move on now. That's whateverwe want to Monica. Yeah,
Monica. Well, when you saybecause, you see, I'm it's because
I'm British. Right, and yes, and is that which I'd thought you're
from Texas. Would divide you.We have divided by the common language.
You know what I mean, andI'm feel enough. I was saying the
other day that somebody who's been workingwith me recently, chap but a great
job, called Aaron. But Caroline, who I'm here with today, she
says like it sounds to me likeshe's saying Aaron every time because it's American
accent. You know I mean.What's the difference. Well, Aaron and
what Aaron? Aaron, Aaron likea O. and yes, right,
the the male Scott. I assumeit's Scottish, Celtic of some kind name.
But it sounds to me when youguys, when Americans, say Aaron,
are round, like running in arrant. Know, it sounds like are
in, like the female name,like like Monica. Oh, sounds like
we don't like say then of namesdifferent right here. Sorry, but but
see here. So here's the thing. Yes, Americans, at least I
don't, and I don't know anybodyat home. HMM, we don't say
Aron or ER. I am differently. No, that's not saying you see,
I wouldn't say Monica. I wouldsay Monica the same way as I
would say Monica. Oh, andI noticed that, you know. Yeah,
totally. So we digressing. Butyou know, some sick of another's
exactly hit the jet put tonight.I'm that's rights right to recovery. Radio
we go over the different dialects ofthe world. Why not? Yeah,
we're all the same at the endof the day, you know what I
mean, except what we're going tomove. Yeah, well, I don't
know. He's Ed Arnasto's flail inhis arms over there because I think the
air conditioner break brother or something.It's like it's like ASSUMO's Jock strap in
here. It's so during man duringthe match's. Yeah, it's like a
see those time use that, youknow, the English are so good for
those. They I had a bassplayer in our bad and he, you
know, fifteen years in and he'sstill would pull out ones I hadn't heard.
Can I remember any? No,no, but that's a good one.
So so we're going to go throughthe your story. Okay, if
you want. Okay, the Oh, they didn't tell you that? Yeah,
yeah, okay, I thought wewere talking to just talk about my
record for an hour. Great,yeah, whatever you want, and I'm
I'm I'm completely open to anything.I like it, but don't say that.
Well, no, I am prettymuch okay, she can true.
I need it. I needed aone way or the other. That true?
Is that true? I heard hergiggle. Yeah, that's a good
sign, she's said. I don'tknow how she's managing to you know,
where's she? Oh, there sheis. She's of us. She has
an amazing buoyant you know, JeanJouante Vive kind of general kind of love
for life and and and sometimes,I don't know about you was but you
know, I contend to be abit kind of we can go there,
I can go there. Yeah,I mean, yeah, so it's helpful
to have that around, but Idon't know, a nice cocktail. It's
a nice cocktail, but it's Idon't envy her, put it that way,
for having to drive all this way, not that it was, you
know right, he's talked about itwasn't unpleasant coming down from Los Angeles.
It's very nice, but you know, I can I can take the you
know, the dark side I feel. Yeah, you know, let's talk
about it. Dark side. Yes, when did it kick in for you?
Like now, here's the thing.Some people are like, you know,
my child was normal. I feltnormal and trake normal. Then it
got weird. Did you know?How would you sum up your childhood?
was there? No, I Iso. I for me, thinks started
to do the speaking of the darkside, which, by the way,
it's not a bad thing. It'sa part of everything, I think,
in our lives and some people,I think, suffer from, you know,
more of an abundance of that thanothers. For me, my,
My, I started with anxiety attackswhen I was probably about eight years old.
Seven or eight years old. That'spretty young. Yeah, what was
the first one? Like? Iwas horrible. What are you doing?
I would like pace up and down. Couldn't breathe and I do'tin vomit from
just from anxiety. And and ateight, did you like did this happen
at school? It would happen often, late at night. It more more
of a late night thing, butI am all the time. Yeah,
happened over frequently. So did youtell your parents that? They know?
where? Did you keep it toyourself? Know they knew about it.
Yeah, and what did they think? You'd like a too much bangers and
mash. Yes, yeah, Idon't know. But well, I know
he's not an asthma, things likethat. You know. They took me
through the doctors and all that,and as Burgers, as ASPA, asthma,
you know, asthma as. Okay, we go again. There we
go. I like it sounds betteryour way. How do you say asthma?
As a by the asthma. Ye, asthma, and the other guying.
But nothing really, you know,wasn't wasn't changing anything. And Yeah,
that went on for a long,long time ready. So, yeah,
I think that. Yeah, andthen you know later on and well,
not very much. You had asthma, you're having panic attacks. So
you feel horrible. It's beyond justphysical like I'm going to vomit, like
there's some thoughts and Oh, yeah, its so I feel like I used
I mean it was it's a kindof death. It's a kind of like,
you know, near death feeling.Yeah, you know what I mean.
Eight years old. Yeah, andwhen nothing in sight. And what
were your parents doing? Like didthey go, well, figure this out,
honey, are was like, well, I mean it's I don't know,
you know, I don't know.You know, they they didn't really
know me. Yeah, you knowwhat I mean. It is sick of
IM. I was a group inthe north of England's very kind of you
know, it's very kind of youjust kind of get on with stuff.
Right, kind of working class environment. In some ways it's not. It's
not very kind of, you know, inclusive. It. Okay, now
tell me about your right, aboutyour feelings. How does that make you
feel? Don't you want St YourNews Broken? I appreciate the fact that,
on behalf of the group, thatnothing right. Just break your nose.
And don't you feel like back inthose days, whatever, our parents
and our parents parents right, andI parents, parents, parents. Yeah,
they didn't really talk about it likeI remember, for me personally,
when I heard Roseanne Bar or firstsaw her on like an inquirer, talking
some about our childhood. I rememberbeing maybe early teens and going you big
baby your childhood. We didn't dothat then. Now, this world of
recovery I'm in and trying to learnand grow and deal with anything that you
struggle with, it's like we,the world talks about it. Now it's
normal. I don't I don't thinkit was normal for anybody and probably less
so maybe in the north of England. Yeah, that's true. I think
that's fantastic. You know, reallythat's that's the change. In many ways
that's, yeah, the solution,isn't it? Yeah, the kind of,
you know, least being able tokind of not isolate with this,
because that's the feeling. The feelingis absolute terror of isolation, you know,
loneliness. It's really what it yeah, I think, you know,
I can relate. It was startingto get me emotional. Was Its laugh
my way out of it. I'mcomfort. Let's discomfort, let's laugh now.
Well, you know how that havehumors. You know, can be
a good thing, can we canbe a good thing, but be distraction
to we also use it as themask, right, I do. I
do. You have to, haveto, I have to, and somebody's
because, yeah, I do,I think you know. For me again,
that's there's so there's so much.I don't know what the right word
is really from the north of England. There's so much kind of like Pathos,
you know what I mean? Thatis word. I do not know.
It sounds kind of like a candybar. Yeah, HMM it pay
those coop nuts now, Carmel.It's a bit office blockish. No,
you know this, this does thisjust, you know, pain and sorrow
and suffering, you know, andnowhere to go with it. I recently
watched film again that was made andin in the I believe it was made
in the late sixty nine, Ithink, or maybe early s by guy
called Ken Loach and the movies calledKess and it's about a kid who is
very neglected in in Bonsley, whichis in a kind of coal mining town
in Yorkshire where I'm from, andhe finds a Kestrel and he trains the
Kestral over time and it needs thisbird becomes his kind of you know,
he's spiritual connection and he's only real, you know, higher power and he's
like yeah, you know what Imean. And everything else in his world
is school and his family is justmisery. And I had a lot of
identification with that as a kind ofa child growing up in the north England's
quite similar. So yeah, it'sdeep. So so what happened after that?
You deal with anxiety, eate.This goes on how many years?
And did like things in life geteven worse? Or do you like start
drinking and use it? So,yeah, I think probably first got drunk
comes about eleven, twelve, youknow, in England. Forgive me,
but it's not that big a deal, right, no, no, no,
it's it's really a right passage andyou know, yeah, you know,
I think it is in probably manyparts of the world. I think.
I think it's not pick on England. Well, we can do,
but you know, we could alsopick on Sweden for Lison, you know,
or anywhere else for that matter,just to make the point. Like
there you you, I think maybeeven more frequently might see a parent go
I he's pissed at eleven. Youknow, right, right, maybe a
little less than here. Yeah,well, yeah, definitely that was my
experience. You know, I wouldn'tsay it was necessarily neglect in that sense.
It was just a lack of educationand understanding around that stuff. You
know, it wasn't really thought about. So you know, yeah, I
was very drunk. And how thatfeel, that first drink, and feel
like sometimes they said it's like up. I knew right then I found my
answer. Yeah, it seems toconnect pretty well for me. Yeah,
the the whole thing, the thekind of where I was. I do
remember the first time I got drunkwas at a wedding. Got Of and
if this will come up, butso I learned music in some ways because
I got kind of taught through likea choir school, part of the thing
and part of a church. Yeah, and we got taken off to another
posh school in the North Yorkshire.More's place called giggles way, because one
of the giggles wick. Yeah,okay, so looks like a Harry Potter
it really is. It really is. Anyway, it was a but it
was a boy of this private schoolsgetting married and old boy and they needed
a better lot of singers because theytheir singers are no good. So so
they hold those off from the lightworking class kind of leads part of the
world and a mini bus thing,you know, we all get out there
and we get to this after thewedding, we get to this reception.
It seemed like stately home, likea kind of you know, what's that
show, TV show that you know? Have you ever seen it? Was
Its hooters? No, no,you know what's the shown and it's in
it became now, I feel likeanyway. I don't know. I don't
watch television, but there's a popularshow. It's got very kind of,
you know, stately home. Whenthe but Luzz it's in England, the
show and it's in America. Toit was yes, Downton Abby, Downton
Abbey, well done, well done. You didn't hit your Buzzer, though.
Yeah, stuff, attend. WHOsaid? Now there you go,
downtown Abbey. Yeah, then that'llbe kind of situation. And they had
these sitcoms for three hundred please jeopardyreference. Sorry, I think it's toxic.
The grady wasn't it was the answerfunk. No, so they just
had these, but was one ofthe ground with champagne and I, you
know, we it was me,my friend Martin Longthorpe, remember him,
the guy called Andrew Jarrett, andwe just got we all got, you
know, pissed. Yeah, probablytwelve. You know that. Twelve.
And then back, so this ison a singing gig. That you yeah,
and then back to the back tomy you know, back to leads
and throwing up. Felt good,though, felt great, kind of like
a great yeah, kind of youget in a fight. You had a
few bumps and bridges, like Hey, I did it. You know,
this comes with it, right,that's it. And now what about?
You're singing at that point, becauseI did a little trumpet when I was
young and I guess I liked music, but it didn't like I didn't get
obsessed with the trumpet anything. Atthis point, when you're singing, we're
like, Hey, I got somepipes or I'm just in the choir and
just kind of do this. Oris it starting to sparking? Yeah,
yeah, I think it was.It was sparkling me at that point.
I knew I had a another friend. I did a paper. I had
a paper round and I had afriend who did the paper around called Paul
and he he was few years olderthan me, and he had he was
one of these kind of guys thathad a very kind of well educated record
collection, hmm. And not onlythat, but he had a kind of
kind of band basically consisted of himand another guy, Simon Pemberton. Paul,
I love these names. Paul Hosworth, it was the other guy,
and he had a band called RVats, which stood for rex vulgar and
the spewers, which I believe wasanother name of another band they just took.
Wow. Yeah, I and soand I had expressed the desire,
you know, I'd seen Queen play. I got to see Queen plays.
Well, yeah, one thousand ninehundred and eighty four, wow, yeah,
that's cool. Yeah, it wascool. England has made all the
best bands. I've got over abunch of times. I don't know it
is. I mean some, somegood American Mans. There's some, but
I mean by and large, Englanddominates, I think. I mean you
got Zeppelin it you got the stonesand you got radio head. I mean
you got the doors you go,you know, just dug. I like
I like how you sticking up forAmerican America, comer, because great to
men, it's great. I appreciatethat. It's my home. I lived
here longer than I've lived over thatat this point. Anyway, yeah,
I read that about you. NewYork. That's your home. Yes,
in the blood. I'm sorry,I interrupted you here. I think I'd
finished it. Okay, so you'retalking about you were talking about the record
collection and seeing all. Well,yeah, and I seeing Queen and then
I decided that, you know,I'd like to be in his band.
So I started making music with himin his bedroom and he had a real,
too real take. You're going tobe the singer. Well, as
you could play Bass. Not then. I didn't play Bass. Oh,
I didn't even really play guitar.Played Piano. I played the piano and
a few piano lessons. You know, Guitar came right around that time.
Right. There any recordings, yousaid? Real, yeah, real.
Oh, Paul's got all the recording, but I don't know where Paul is.
I've lost track of it. Butyeah, if you buy Sol those
with Poseworthy, you're out there.We need the really held it. No,
no, it was great, fortand I think what you would make.
Yeah, REX fielle grown. Thisbeuse. Would make the cassette tapes,
you know, do all the lyrics. You know, album covers everything
and there's a whole bunch of them. H Yeah, and early songs,
and so from twelve almost, Iwas. I was doing that and you
would. You would real to realtape recorders to track left and right and
then you play your record and thenplay back through the speaker which you put
right there whilst playing something else,and then we call it on the other
channel and then use multitracking music.I did some tore man over dubs like
that too. Right, yeah,that's cool. That's cool. So I
don't think no difference. I loveit. I love it. So where
that we're getting your story? Youhave some songs cued up. Okay,
yeah, it sounds much more interesting. I highly doubt it. I'm really
enjoyed this. Yeah, so youhave the song cute up. Do you
know what your first song is thatyou pick? Because I don't. I
did I pick any? Well,this one's called no, no, no,
yeah, WHO's Buy? It's byme. Right on. So here
we are, rocks recovery radio.I'm your host, West Gear K X,
Ninety three five FM with Royston Langdon. This is no, no,
no. People are talking and Iknow in much living if it feels keeping
it all down to the middle.I'm pray for myself cause I don't even
wanna be bad way for rich ambition. Well, I to lose my soul
just to get feels keeping it downto the middle. Pray for self cause
I don't ever wanna be bad way. Until the sugars aren't want to get
Bush. Sometimes rises feel so peoplewho want tround. This is they don't
want the wanna be there. Andthat sound is so frigging good. Dude,
is produce so nice, the vocals, the layering and everything. Thank
you. It's Bryce Coggan. Wow, it's the guy that did the resident
alien and all that stuff for spacehockey. Uh Huh. And it came
back to the helm for me wellthis month. That's amazing. Yeah,
and you met him when you movedto New York, right? I met
him. Yeah, in one thousandnine hundred and ninety four, I worked
as his assistant engineer. Okay,according studio. I got a job at
recording studio called Baby Monster Studios andfourteen street in New York. And then
so you guys were friends working togetherand then he produced you. Yeah,
I mean that's that's how you know, it was very, very natural.
You know, have been working withhim and we we've formed a bomb before
before. You know, there's everany like dollar signs. You know,
it was just a natural thing.And I'd seen him work with, you
know, the Ramones, dinosaur junior. Well, you know, pavement,
to do this pavement record, allthat stuff. I was there, you
know, yeah, watching him work. And of course, when the time
came, it wasn't even in therewas just kind of obvious it was.
Yeah, there was no decision tomake and everybody fortune, you know,
we were very fortunate at that point. There was a lot of interest in
in working with space hog and thatpoint my integrity was still still in a
somewhat intact. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I think we can go
into the record deal with it intact. Yeah. And so so, you
know, you're probably drinking, gettinghammered here and there, yet start making
the record. I feel it did. You know when you're doing the right
now. We all did that wasdrinking and getting hammered when I made that
record. When I'm out resenting it, no doubt I was you know,
I was very focused on the themusic that point, and there was,
you know, this, this,you know, probably the kind of anxieties
of having to hold things up hadnot taken over that point for me,
you know. I mean it waslike I was still very much kind of
driving the ship. Yeah, andand I wasn't distracted by, you know,
any of the stuff at that pointand I was very, very focused
on you know, I knew thiswas a chance that I had, and
those in those days, you know, it's very different. You know.
Yeah, I'm so be very fortunateif you got in that position of all
to make a record something professionally,you know. And and there was,
you know, I knew in backof my mind it was this. This
was it. So that's a goodpoint. But yeah, yeah, well,
that's cool. Well, I meanI knew it was a big deal,
but done the eve of me havingall the record labels come out and
see me, I got like arrestedbecause I was too loaded. And I
mean yeah, yeah, I waslike already lost, but somehow we got
the deal right. So when didit start get bad? When you're making
that record, you guys, youguys. I don't know what the band
was doing? was the band kindof forming underneath the recording or were you
crushing it in clubs so to getthe deal? Or we are relationship thing?
No, space hog group playing alot around New York City and that's
how we got the interest from themajor labels. But the the band itself
formed, you know, very finthere my brother and myself, you know,
obviously we since birth, and Johnny, the drummer, was very much
the kind of like, you know, the kind of glue that glued it
all together. We had another champin the band called Bob Carry who played
guitar that point, American Guy andbrother was guitar, my brothers Guitar,
Bass as base and singing reading.Yeah, yeah, I didn't anyway,
my I think, you know,it was I don't know, it just
didn't quite fit. This guy andguitar. So Johnny have this friend Richard
Steve. She had my number.Man. Yeah, I get started anyway.
And so the band was formed verykind of last minute around the record
we got I think Richard came intothe man in January of ninety five and
we had a deal in March.So it's only a few months. So
we weren't really formed. We didn'thave that kind of sense of Keysian around
struggle. Actually, there's something tobe said for going through so struggle and
suffering a bit as a group,I think. Yeah, to bind you
and to have that, and Idon't think, you know, we really
had that as a group in thatsense. So, so, when things
start to get crazy and crazy ina success sense. Yeah, I want
to take when the record came out, before it start the litwer. In
the meantime, yeah, a littlewhile. I think he took about six
months. I think for a whileit was kind of you know, know
I was going to be successful.And for the people that maybe don't know
or don't remember, I looked itup. It was number one rock song
in America. I think it madeto number two modern rock, right.
That's I don't know what any ofthat means, but it sounds good.
It just doesn't it sound good.You want. Here's the thing. If
you can say number one, whichyou can, you could go number one
second to the you know, amatter I mean, you're you're okay,
let's think about it. For Allyou banned people at home, I'm going
to have a rock band in America. I have the number one rock song
in America. Yeah, that's probablypretty good. No, it's amazing.
No, you could. It wason the radio all the time out here
in Kay rock, which is likethe cool guy station. Yeah, it
just something happened, and what,quite well, that is I don't know,
but it did. And you know, and at that point then things
started to change. You know.And do you got that voice our I
don't even know how I do it. Yeah, can you give us a
little bit of that, like firstright now, where you go deep in
there, just getting it. That'smore cookie monster metal really. So when
did it get bad? What happened? Your crushing at the songs going big,
and then you just went off thedeep end. Drinking? Yeah,
always drinking, always drinking. That'sthe tour thing. Yeah, before shows.
Yeah, yeah, no, Iwas. I would have a bottle
of cuivasia brand, a well vas. Yeah, and if you didn't have
that one, I'd get ready Pissy. You know, it'd be like a
real Mt Evil, which is easyto do. And your songs all huge.
where? Yeah, Quivaso, becausesometimes it show this stuff called Ian
J which is I don't know whatthe hell this is stuff. It's like
cooking brandy or something and I getvery upset about that somewhere in the world,
and I get it. I getif you don't like, you know,
like if it's somewhere in the worldsomebody's like, man, that Royston.
He yeah, anyway, he gotall made and have a cool bossia
much talent, this much, yeah, but yeah, so, yeah,
that was the thing. I wouldwander around with. That probably you know.
It was mine, you know.Yeah, I'm yeah, and that
the bands are getting bombed at youwhere you messing up and shows where you
turn it into a jerk. Ithink so. Yeah, I wasn't the
only one. There's a lot ofpersonality problems, you know, we say,
and if differing degrees, you know, and different things, and I
wouldn't yeah, whether or not Ithink whenever, whenever, when I think
about it now, it's just notbeing present, you know, not being
present to the moment and what thosethings were, and that's I do regreat
that and obviously, you know,it's a the you know, especially when
you get into kind of I meansomebody showed me a performance the other day
and it's just as I felt sosorry for myself, you know. I
mean, all right, now,I looked at us. Who is that?
I didn't who the hell is that? Right, I don't even know
that it is. Where you are, lads, have his mind. You're
hammered, I think. Well,good buzz. I'd gotten on to other
things at that point. You know, I mean that more could share.
Can I? If you want?Do you want? I mean you don't
me. It's not. You know, I have to be careful because if
I move into the world of likeeuphoric recall for me, okay, you
know, I mean it's not necessarilywe don't want to. It's not really
a helpful I mean if you don'twant to clamorize or Romanticize it. Yeah,
I can. Sometimes it helps whenpeople go like you know, I
had a problem with meth right,and that's hurts me to say, but
yeah, some might help somebody outthere, and I'm not trying to talk,
you know it, but sure,I'll disclose, because the more I
tell them the more they might beable to go. I'm not alone.
Look, the thing for me,the thing for me was definitely getting into
like pills, yeah, of allkinds and pills and boozes. Yeah,
once she get like it's a it'sa weird one man. Yeah, taking
it like, you know, blackand and all the time les out.
Yeah, I had no recollection ofthe law, you know. So a
lot of the thing at like theselittle moments of flashbacks of horror. You
know, I'm just a miracle man. I'm alive. It really is.
I'm really grateful to thankfully every day. Yeah, I wake up, I'm
like, my God, I can'tbelieve it. It's a miracle. And
you know, here's what we know. There's no magic number. If you
take three of these and four us, you die. There's people that probably
have did less than we've done andsurvived, but they didn't right, you
know what I mean? Yeah,whatever, it's all it's all miracle unlocking
and yeah, so we're just lucky. And that's why, I think for
me, and obviously you're here,makes me more passionate about carrying the message,
because we lose too many to thisdisease. And so, yeah,
tell me, what was the bottom? What was the thing that just like,
I can't go on. What madeyou get some help? Well,
I think I hit a lot ofbottoms, but yeah, right, she
got any help. You know,the kind of around down there. Yes,
big bottoms. Another spinal tap referenceexactly. Yeah, no, there
was a the thing that the thingthat happened for me in my mottom ultimately
was, you know, the kindof I can't even describe it really properly.
It was just an absolute loss ofany kind of sense of you know,
it really was a kind of spiritualbankruptcy to the point where by I
I didn't really care if I livedor died at that point, and I
actually probably I was. I wasjust too probably too much ego to kill
myself. Yeah, it just scared. Maybe I was good. Did you?
Did you kind of? Sometimes youwould be okay, like if I
died a Rodid, I'd be okaywith it. Yeah, that's definitely it's
yeah, yeah, same thing.Yeah, and so, because sometimes I
think maybe we say spiritual and somepeople like, Oh, I don't know
about spiritual, but what is that? Yeah, but spiritual, I think
banks. He's like, I thinkwhen you no matter what you have,
right, girlfriend, money, success, you don't care. Yeah, it's
emptiness. It doesn't matter. Amillion people go, I love you,
you're like I'm alone, I havenobody. You don't get me right.
Yeah, it's like kind of feelslike no matter what you have, you
feel like you have nothing and you'redone fighting. Yeah, it's a yeah,
tough place, and you know,I think what I like to stress
on the show too, is likewhatever gets you there, if it's a
sex addition, addiction, pills,booze, heroin, even guys I deal
with and wounded warriors the military,PTSD, TV I. Yeah, when
you're in that spot, it's alwaysthe same symptoms. Yeah, you know
what I mean. So let's pauseright there. Yeah, let's play another
two. Yeah, what we've gotour Nestoll, he's ready to rock this.
We got our song off your record. Yeah, this is actually the
first song that I started to workon for this record, the one with
the video, yes, the onewith my brother Antony made in the video
showing downtown La, and the song'scalled someone. Here we go, rock
to recovery radio here with Royston Langdonof space hog, now leads. Yeah,
and we're going to play some music. Here we go, jumping,
sliding, phone, many scrape onthe ground together, sing down to Jennemo,
just to I can take this lookfrom what you restland links gaping,
don't want anymore and send for theman. I'm telling you, you got
where. I mean, we'll behonest with the audience. We're sitting here
talking and sometimes your voice would cutthrough our conversation. I just like,
man, you could saying, myfriend, it's beautiful as the songs,
the music, still sound really good. Sometimes, you know it doesn't when
we get older. Right, thealbum's keep coming in like you know what.
There's other things you could do whenyour older years, but this stuff
is sounding incredible. Yeah, andso here we are. You're welcome rocks
Recovery Radio on Kx Ninety three fiveFM. I'm your host, West Gear.
Here I was at the close myeyes to do his part and try
not to screw it up. I'mhere with Royston Langdon. We just heard
the song was someone, someone byleads, yeah, which is your whole
sorry me. Yeah, it's youand that's his. That's your old hometown,
hometown, yeah, and jolly old. Yeah, yeah, and you
used to be in space hog forthe people just tuning it now. Yeah,
you do. You guys ever doreunion stuff. You're so reunion pretty
onion. Oh, it stinks again. Is that what that Jugg is?
I don't know. Actually, no, probably would do. Hey, man,
I'll play guitar for you? Yeah, another one? Yeah, let's
do it, man. Yes,do that. If I stuck, just
turn me down in the mix.That way, I'm I'd no plans.
Yeah, it's bpacehunk's, you know, happy to kind of firmly leave that
in the yeah, nineteen nine.Know where they now file it? Yes,
yeah, Hey, guys, we'reon the radio again and currently residing
in the way another spinal tap reference. Yeah, so we're talking. We're
talking about how you hit bottom,the spiritual bankruptcy, the dark place that
we all get to. What wasthe key? Who? Actually? You
said you bounced around the bottom abunch of times before finally, yeah,
you did what? And what?What got you to stop banging your head
on the bottom? Well, I, unfortunately, I went to Rehab.
Actually, me too. Yeah,no way do let's I five. Oh,
yeah, I went to Rehab.Yeah, which was, yeah,
best thing I ever did. MeToo. Yeah, yeah, I was.
I'm lucky in that sense. We'relucky. Yeah, in that sense,
because a lot of people that fortunateor they didn't have them. They
didn't have them, you know,back then. Yeah, well, yeah,
whatever, but I am about you, man, but I definitely I
don't know if I would have gotsober right I not gone away. Yeah,
I mean I needed that time awayto just separate myself from those things,
you know, people, and alsojust needed that time away. I
needed help. I needed to helpphysically to detox. MMM Yeah, yeah,
did you have to do a medicalDTOC? Yeah, Dude, the
five, five days in like athing, man, it was. That
was what think heavy. It's,you know, like Detox Center. Yeah,
yeah, well, just as inpolow rehabs, like a little hospital.
Where were you at this time?Which one we in England? No,
I was in I went. Iwas in the US. Yeah,
I got a place in Arizona.HMM. So what some people maybe don't
know is, you know, likeChunky's like to do hair when you know
the detox. Of course, beingdope sick is extremely painful, but it's
highly unlikely you're going to die fromthat. Not that I'm a doctor,
but alcohol detox, Benzo Detox,those can kill you. You need a
medical detox. If anybody's out there. I've had friends who've been alcoholics who
are like no, no, I'mgonna Detox myself and they've literally had I've
had three seizures. Like, ifyou gotta do it, get a medical
detox, get help. It's toodangerous. Absolutely, Yes, and no
matter. It's a yeah, it'sa matter of life and death. So
they detoxy. Yeah, and andwhat was key like? What was the
key ingredient those early days? Likewe're some people aren't done and they start
learning to be done. Where youlike, what would you say? All
right, you know, I yeah, I was. I was well and
truly dumb. You are waving thewhite flag totally. Yeah, it was.
I was done. You're done,just beat up. And then.
So this is years after space hogdisbanded. Yeah, no, this though,
we actually did a like kind ofwhat I think of as a posthumust
record. I was never that happypersonally with the third record we made,
to our third record. Yeah,it didn't dig it, but go ahinds.
That's weird, isn't it? Well, be in the singer. He
hated my guts and we were kindof a writing team. So it suffered.
It's okay. Yeah, all thesongs were about how much you hated
me. Really Right. It washard to sit there in the studio and
listen to and get stoked on it. Let me do exactly. Yeah,
you get for that one. It'sjust not feeling this with me. Yeah,
I actually feeling it too much,like hey, yeah, let's not
make this around me. No,let's right, right. Yeah. So,
okay, when were we? Oh, some holes in here. Wow,
I like two holes. Yeah,I. We did this record.
It's called as it is on awe started it with my brother Anthony,
who's in the band and and hekind of left halfway through to go and
make a movie, HMM, anddidn't really come back. And so,
but I really wanted to see thisthing through and yeah, it took a
long took about five years, andit was I was getting to the end
of that process and I was losingit at that point and I that's when
I kind of went away and Gotcha. So came out and then started to
do a little bit touring, butnot a lot, just enough to kind
of, you know, service thecommitments that I think we've made to the
to the label at that time.Yeah, but I really wasn't in any
particular physical or mentally, yeah,fit place to talk. But but I
did it anyway. Huh. Soyou got sober, we and what were
the key ingredients in your early days? To keep in your sober well,
I mean, you know, havingthat thing, that's my personal sobriety,
be separate from the rest of mylife got you, you know. That's
finding that spot for me, andthat's it's difficult to talk about it,
not because I don't want to beopen about it, but because it's one
of those it's a part of methat I keep very sacred, you know,
and stood, you know, inthat sense. I I put it,
I take it very, very seriouslyand I put it before. I
now put it before anything in mylife, you know, including my son
and my you know, my workor anything, you know, because if
I don't maintain that kind of placeas a wholesome whatever, I'll lose it,
you know. Right. So,yeah, a lot of people don't
get that. And and it alland and you can understand why I like
wait, wait, your recovery ismore important than your child. And then,
but you can use the the metaphorlike if the in the airplane when
the yellow masks come down. Yeah, if you don't put it on you,
you can't put it on your kid. Exactly. You know what I
mean. If you're not surviving,then you can't be there for your kid?
Yeah, for your child. Itotally get that. Yeah, and
I don't know what that is.You know, there are many, many
things that I've done. I've donea lot of therapy, there's a lot
of you know, being very involvedin a lot of groups, a lot
of Recognari stype. Yeah, andworking with other people. You know,
one of the main things that don'thelp for me. One of the things
that I discovered in Rehab was meditation. About this before you started, you
know, and then when I gotback to New York, I discover transcendental
meditation. Fortunately, I met Imet a chap who runs the sent called
to David Lynch Foundation in Yep,and I told him about what happened with
me and and I was looking.told me that week how to do it
and it's something I've you know,I do it every day, twice a
day. You know, it's loveit, it's poup my things. Yeah,
yeah, one of the most importantparts, and many, I'm telling
you, and it's so hard toexplain to people because you're trying to explain
what's essentially nothing right, because you'relike you know what I mean. So
wait, you're telling me that sittingthere and doing nothing or whatever. How
you know? This is kind ofquestions I get. Is is magical,
because I've had like dead people talkto me. I feel like my higher
power talks to me. I've gotanswers from the universe. I gain peace,
I guess. I mean it's whatyou said. You go this for
doing this right and, yes,meditating. How did that happen? Oh,
here we go, switching, aswitching on me, because I kept
I had nothing else. The CornGig was going away and I I what
else did I have to turn to? I had barely graduate high school.
So I just kept meditating every day, asking where do you want me?
Where do you want me, andlistening right, because prayers, when we
talk to the universe or whatever,our higher power, God, whatever you
want to call it, a meditationis can be when we listen right.
There's different types of meditation. TM, you're doing a mantra correct but I
was just listen and I started,I feel like, getting intuitively pulled in
different directions. HMM, and thenthis idea came to me, you know,
to bring music into treatment center,because it wasn't there when I was
there. Right, but if you'renot tuning yourself, if you're not listening,
right. You know, the wayI used to live would be in
fear. So like, oh gosh, the corn gigs going away, let
me call Burger King, I needmoney now, right, just do a
fearful but in this instead I hadfaith, like I know you're going to
guide me there. Right. Icould go a lot longer on that,
because all these weird things, Ialmost had premonitions, like I would think
stuff and it would happen. Iwould think and there would happen, and
then every time I looked at theclock it was too to two four forty
four. I didn't even know whatthat meant. I would ask them,
like that's because you're spiritually aligned.I'm like really, because my clock says
eleven. Weird. There's magical powersand meditation. I get all excited.
Yeah, well, now it's liketen o'clock. I just went on for
time. Yeah, so that's great. So Meditations huge for you? Yeah,
we share that. Yeah, andwhat would you tell somebody who's like
struggling out there, who's where youwere before you found your way out?
I would say ask for help.Yeah, don't try to do it on
your own. Yeah, yeah,yeah, but pride is a guilt is
a completely useless emotion. MMM,and a you know, we I think
we're all entitled to you know,I think essentially we're all born, you
know, in a kind of perfectway for the you know, whether we've
got, you know, all ourarms and legs working or you know,
I mean, or whatever aspect.That was what, you know, we
meant to be, and we can. It's easy to be diverted from from
from that through. You know,it's a crazy war zone out there.
Yeah, you know, emotional damageis live in life. Yeah, and
you know, there's nothing. Ithink, you know, putting up the
white flag and surrendering is is isthe first way to kind of open up
that channel to be able to receive, you know, and that's what it's
that's what it's about for me,and I think you know there there's nothing
I can say or, you know, and it's like the same thing with
like anything to do with meditation orall these high for Lutin things like,
you know, spiritually and all this. That point it's just like look,
just just, you know, havefaith in somebody else who's walk that path
before you and don't think that shouldthat you mantra. Don't think. Don't
think that. Think you know,but walk yourself to somebody that knows how
to do it right and you know, that's how you know, I think
humans have survived and thrived at times, it's right, from living in caves
to where we are now. Soyou know, there's nothing, there's nothing
pseudo spiritual about that. It's verybasic. You know. It's what we
do. Is the principles for family, it's the principle for society, it's
a principle for countries. You know, and and you know, I think
getting away from the individual is superimportant. You know, we're very focused
and I think you know now andyou know, on the individual it's all
about how good you look and goingto the gym and looking the right way
and sounding good and doing all that. And you know, and there's a
there's a there's a kind of there'sa falseness in that spiritual materialism, just
as much as, you know,having a having a Lambo and a you
know, and a Rolie is,you know, you physical materialism. There's
no difference. And so you know, for me on that front, it's
just, you know, I keepmy keep my life pretty simple at this
point and I try to focus onthe you know, focus on the on
the cut, on my heart ratherthan my head. There you go.
Yeah, and there's actions you cantake that can move the conversation from your
head to your heart. I lovehow you said helping other people was key,
because we can come in with shameand guilt and then you learn,
like when you share your story withsomebody else, some of the embarrassing moments,
they realize that they're not alone.Yeah, yeah, and then,
yeah, like you mentioned, also, we live in this world now,
especially in California, it's like ifyou're not a supermodel, rich or super
shredded, it's like the standard thatwe're supposed to be. It's like it's
okay to be you. Yeah,that's kind of what this records about in
a sense. And I and Iuse this kind of analogy, metaphor of
New York City, because I've livedthere for, you know, lengthy period
of time at this point. I'veseen many changes and I've I've seen what
happened, in a sense with meand my you know, diction, happened
with New York and money in itsaid, yeah, same thing, and
yeah, it's it's crush the artist, it's New York's kind of over.
If you're an honest it's not happeninglike that's heartbreaking to hear. It's heartbreaking,
but it's true. I think yoursgreat play socially and they always will
be. But in the sense that, you know, the scene of that.
People are going there for the kindof war wholly and kind of right,
you know, extension of that stuff, and you know what came out
of that. Is Not there anymore, but people show up to see the
kind of similar lack room of it, you know, you know what I
mean. They're like that, thethe the at the and then that sense
it's a dreamland, just as youknow, having, you know, going
looking good and sound, you know, going to and do we know?
That's the Jame fonders responsible fact.One thousand nine hundred eighty time, one
thousand nine hundred and eighty five,and my mum like coming back with the
like, you know, like inEngland. Yeah, in England, and
she had this book about like,you know, it is about all we
all we got to eat with fruitbecause she was on this like Pineapple Diet,
you know, something that getting edgefor from the stereotypes, I know,
of northern England. And now Adam'sand your mom is the Englishwoman like
but the my point is is thatthat that that the emphasis on the individual.
But that, right, shifted,you know, right, it shifted
to the, to the let's focuson our look, you know me.
Yeah, and in the sense,if you really want to go into it,
and maybe this is too deep toget, not very hot my brain.
Well, it's a move away froma collective consciousness and a collective,
you know, family unit, youknow what I mean. And it's a
move into individual, individual kind ofyou know. So you saying recovery is
get out of the individual and getback to the collective. Yeah, right
much, and that's what you're doingwith this, right, as coming that
yeah, right, some extent inyou taking music into yeah, you know,
and you're putting it in there,and that's and for me, that's
what music does to and so let'sgo back to what's saying. I used
Muse my music and the song ofmyself as a kind of a way of
telling that story for myself through beingin New York. Yeah, that's cool.
And where you're at now. Andso the the band you called Band
is called leads. Yeah, projectis called leads. I was really stuck
for the proper words right there.Look, the reason why I use leads
as a name was I was workingwith other artists, MMM as working more
on the kind of kind of industryside of yeah, music business, and
I didn't want that to be anyconfusion in my mind roll with the people
around me that I was working with, that I was focusing on anything but
them when I was with them.So I created this this kind of,
you know, alter ego, asit were. Okay, and it just
happened to be that the CHAP Iwas working with, I said, I
don't know what I said, I'mdoing my ind this music. I don't
know what to do. I don'tcall you, I don't want to call
it my name. There's all.You know, if you Google me,
all kinds of bullshit. Yeah,you know, pictures of me with whoever
and all this, and it's youknow, and some of it's you know
not. So gave you a freshstart. Give me a fun of leads.
But it also hearkens to your origin. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah,
and well, it's the first wordthat I would say after people say
well, what's your name? SayRoyston. So you got funny sounding voice.
Where you from? I say leads. You know, she see.
Why did you call it leads?These chimp to miss as the something.
Some of the best things are sosimple, so cool, shit name,
but whatever. So the album's everything'sDandy. Yes, by leads. Yeah,
Royston Langdon. Yeah, here onkx Ninety three five. This has
been rocked to recovery radio and it'sbeen brought to you by new Vista Behavioral
Health, and we just want tosay, first of all, Royston,
thanks for coming down. Your AmazingDude, amazing energy and yeah, so
we think being a real pleasure toget to meet you. Same here.
Man, if you're out there listeningat home, just remember you're not alone.
There's people that have been through whatyou've been through, or worse or
not as bad, but either wayyou're not alone. Like Royston said,
ask for help. We'd love tohelp you. This song. I'm a
RECOCO. We on all alone.There we go. Go check it out,
take it out, leads. Yeah, not alone, rock recovery radio.
We're out. Good